Newton Longville: Difference between revisions
→Local Wildlife: This section was totally inappropriate for the article - describing youths - called "Chavs" it is completly irrelevant to the place |
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In the [[expansion plans for Milton Keynes]], Newton Longville is slated to become the centre of a large district, known for planning purposes as the "Southern Expansion Area". |
In the [[expansion plans for Milton Keynes]], Newton Longville is slated to become the centre of a large district, known for planning purposes as the "Southern Expansion Area". |
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==Local Wildlife== |
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As well as a good selection of wildlife, on summer evenings you can often catch a glimpse of the common white-capped chav. The "Chav" [Chavvis Ignoramus], is often found congregating near the entrance to graveyards. Often hostile to strangers, the Chav is characterised by a number of unique features: |
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- Dim, vacant expression with nicotine stained teeth/hands |
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- Cheap replica jewellery & sports clothes (usually white) |
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- A face similar to a well smacked back side with scarlet-porridge acne |
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- A somewhat inadequate, small widger, girly/shopping-trolley car |
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- Absence of any taste in music |
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- Obvious lack of girlfriend/prospects/courage |
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Chav is usually the product of a fractured nesting environment, and is often raised by the female of the species “Chavette” (Chavvon Benefits). The female is similarly aggressive and can de differentiated from the male by her distinctive mating call “later-sinnit”, with the male response “ai yewwott yestartin” |
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Both sexes share similar brain (under)development and, when alone, can often be found hiding in undergrowth – be aware that chav/chavette is a little nervous without the rest of the flock nearby. It is thought this is because they share much of their DNA with the common farmyard chicken (Coward lygittus). If in doubt, they can be easily recognised by their scent, a powerful mix of cannabis, BO, urine, vomit and Everything-a-Pound replica aftershave. |
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Lifespan varies according to social security income, which governs the amount of cheap cider, cigarettes & drugs that can be bough by the chav, although early mortality through picking a fight with someone who is actually much tougher is not unknown. This happens because chav mistakes a lack of mouthy, cocky attitude for an inability to fight and this often leads to serious injury. |
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==External links== |
==External links== |
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Revision as of 12:59, 4 May 2008
Newton Longville is a village in Buckinghamshire, England. It is located in the Aylesbury Vale, about a mile away from Bletchley, Milton Keynes.
The village name 'Newton' is Anglo Saxon in origin, and means 'new farm'. It was recorded in the Domesday Book of 1086 as Nevtone. The affix 'Longville' came later in the Thirteenth century after the Cluniac priory of Longueville, Calvados, in Normandy, France, that was in possession of the village at that time, and to distinguish this village from other places called Newton, particularly nearby Newton Blossomville.
The village used to have a large brick factory which distributed bricks all over the country but was closed down recently. Now the site is home to a waste dump.
In the 14th century[citation needed], the village was seized by the Crown as being of alien possession and given to New College, Oxford. The parish church is dedicated to Saint Faith.
Newton Longville Church of England Combined School is a mixed, voluntary controlled primary school, which takes children from the age of four through to the age of eleven. The school has approximately 180 pupils.
Expansion plans
In the expansion plans for Milton Keynes, Newton Longville is slated to become the centre of a large district, known for planning purposes as the "Southern Expansion Area".