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Requests for Feedback

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This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed.
This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions.
If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution.
Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

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Index of all requests for feedback

Template:Werdnabot

Founding Fathers

I just viewed the article "Founding Fathers" and note it includes within its definition a bunch of nonsense. The Founding Fathers were not every Tom, Dick, and Harry who lived in the USA in 1787, when the Constitutional Convention was held. The Founding Fathers are the fifty-five men who in secret drafted the founding document upon which the government of the United States of America was and is founded. The United States of America did not exist until 1788 when it was ratified by the states. There is only one Constitution for the nation which now exists as the United States of America and the men who wrote it are the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. Please, read Webster's Dictionary for the definition of Founding Fathers, with capital Fs.

The Declaration of Independence, for example, was a declaration of independence from King George, not the founding document of the United States of America.

Gene Garman —Preceding unsigned comment added by Gene Garman (talk • contribs) 05:40, 26 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I agree about capitalizing the Fs, but the declaration was in fact the precursor to the establishment of a nation (on paper, the constitution). Though many people do get these documents confused, for instance Jefferson states the 'all men are created equal' in the declaration, not in the Constitution (though it should have been) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Saberhr1 (talk • contribs) 06:23, 5 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You should probably raise these concerns on the article's talk page. cmadler (talk) 13:19, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

International Foundation for Electoral Systems

I could really use some feedback at least on the quality of this article(please assess), or what I should do to improve it. Thank you much for your help, SADADS (talk) 13:56, 7 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I have rated this article as C class. It looks like a very good start so far, especially the use of sources.

To gain B class i think the main thing to improve is the article structure and prose. Reading articles with dozens of very small sub-sections can be tiring for a reader, giving them more reason to click away. I would remove the country sub-sub-section and write a single paragrpah for each country, with these paragraphs simply under the continent sub-section headings. It is also generally prefered that lists be written instead as prose paragraphs, so the history section and areas of activity could be written with this in mind.

The list of Party leaders etc seemed excessive to me. Those that are notable (ie have a wiki article) or especially important to the party should be covered elsewhere in the article, but the wholle list is not needed. Not a big deal now, but i expect it would prevent the article passing GA.

Good job so far, and good luck with future work on it!YobMod 19:40, 18 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire

We've put in a fair bit of work improving this article over the past week (compare to [1]), and are looking for suggestions for improvements. Does the article leave you with unanswered questions? In an ideal world, in which a suitable reference could be found for any fact, what else would you like to see in this article? On the other hand, do you see anything there that should be removed? Other suggestions? Also, the WikiProjects into which this article falls seem to be largely inactive, with the exception of WP:REENACT, for which I seem to be the only reviewer, so I'll ask here for opinions on how you think this article should be assessed, and what is needed to move it to the next level. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:37, 7 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION

If the lead off batter hits a double but does not score in that inning because the next three batters strike out, is that scored as "zero for one" OR "zero for three" with runners in scoring position?

Bob —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bob Ebertz (talk • contribs) 19:50, 9 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is the wrong forum. Try asking at the entertainment reference desk, which includes sports. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:42, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Mistake

On the list of best selling music artists it says Michael Jackson has sold 350 million, but that is a mistake he has in fact sold over 750 million, can you please correct this mistake. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Looshmj (talk • contribs) 11:36, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wikipedia is the encyclopedia that anyone can edit, so be bold and make the change! Just please remember to cite a reliable source for the information. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:26, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gerda_Arendt

This is Gerda Arendt, new contributor from Germany and slightly overwhelmed by the amount of reading required before starting an article successfully. My intention (August 2) was to supply more information on composer and cellist Graham Waterhouse, who is on the "list of 21st century classical composers by name", than just his year of birth. I thought that once you are on a list like that you are notable ... The article was deleted before I even could mark it "hang on".

I improved the article in my user space and would like to discuss it.

Questions: Graham Waterhouse is born in England but lives in Germany, I would not know in which category to place him.

There is no general category "cellist" - redirected to "cello".

Which category would show "21st century classical composer"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 16:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Following the suggestions at Wikipedia:Categorization of people, I would categorize him into Category:German composers (or, if possible, one of its subcategories). As far as the deletion, I'm guessing that someone felt he wasn't notable. Notability of an individual is not required for inclusion on a list. Take a look at WP:COMPOSER for the applicable notability guideline, but basically, you need to tell us why he is important. cmadler (talk) 19:29, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dispute with biased Wikipedian

Hi, I an a new Wikipedian. Unfortunately I have a bitter dispute with another biased Wikipedian who try to manipulate facts. No matter what kind of proof I submit he changes it his way. I would like an independent review of all the facts so the article can represent the truth, Thanks.--Rm125 (talk) 04:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is the wrong forum. Start at Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. -- œ ^™ 04:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

King Range Wilderness

I created this short article quite some time ago, and it has been sitting quietly unassessed since then. Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you in advance for your time. Sincerely, Marcia Wright (talk) 15:24, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think you've got a decent article going there. A few suggestions and improvement ideas:

Try to make your wikilinks appropriately specific, for example "Roosevelt elk" rather than "Roosevelt elk" and "bald eagle" rather than "bald eagle".
The article occaissional digresses into topic addressed elsewhere (and in some cases linked to), for example, "An estuary is broadly defined as..."
Although the sourcing is certainly adequate, I think additional sourcing could improve the article, particularly more secondary sources. Most of the citations seem to refer to BLM publications, which I would consider primary sources in this case.
Should the Rocks and Islands Wilderness really be part of this article, or is it really a separate area that should have its own article? If it does belong here, then more should be written about it, and a map of it (or showing its location) would be very helpful.
The article mentions several climate peculiarities or anomalies. Why is this area like this? Or, if no one is sure, what are the leading theories? Is this being researched by anyone? If so, what are they investigating, and if not, is there a particular reason?

I hope this gives you some ideas for continued improvement to the article! In terms of assigning a specific quality assessment grade, I'd probably put it at a strong C- or a weak B-class, but please take that with a grain of salt, as this topic is far outside any expertise or even familiarity I might claim. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 16:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

New Page - need help populating and formatting - Ground Zero Awareness Campaign

Hi.

I can't seem to find on the internet any central location for the "Ground Zero Awareness Campaign".

I can't find anything on Wikipedia either so I registered, got my home page up and made a sub page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Burt987/Ground_Zero_Awareness_Campaign

Does anyone know anything worth adding to the above-lined page? Can anyone add any questions to the above page?

If there is an official Ground Zero Awareness Campaign website I would love to know what it is.

Since Wikipedia has almost everything about everything - I was hoping to get as much info on the Ground Zero Awareness Campaign as possible amassed in one location - Wikipedia.

Please LMK if you can help and please feel free to add stuff to the page.

Thanks.

Burt987 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Burt987 (talk • contribs) 04:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Burt987, please take a look at suggestions for writing your first Wikipedia article and also at "What Wikipedia is not". Thanks, cmadler (talk) 15:14, 13 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Tennant

This is the WORST picture I've seen of David Tennant. And, as a fan, I've seen many pictures of him, some better than others. But this one is SO bad, that it almost seems that someone purposefully sought out the worst pic available. REALLY. I'm not being overly dramatic. Please consider changing it. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 71.207.46.40 (talk) 07:37, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not sure what you find so particularly bad about the image (and I'm not sure which image you are referring to); however, if you have a better photo to which you own the rights and are willing to release them, or if you know of a better photo which can be freely licensed, please upload it to Wikipedia and add it to the article. Keep in mind that because of Wikipedia's goal of being a free content encyclopedia, we generally cannot use copyrighted images of living people. See Wikipedia:Non-free content#Unacceptable use for more details. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 12:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Veronica Papworth

I found nothing on Wikipedia about Veronica Papworth - illustrator and columnist - I have tried as a total newbie to follow instructions and set up a new page for her and for other's to add to this, but I seem to have a problem with setting this up. Could you take a look and feedback to me on where I have messed up please? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Jill Pack (talk • contribs) 09:39, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You had the entire article encompased in the <ref> </ref> tags. I've fixed that and a couple other minor things. You can see exactly what I changed here. You will probably want to add some more detail to the article, particularly to tell people why Veronica Papworth is important and worthy of an encylopedia article, otherwise your article may be deleted. Take a look at our notability standard for people, and if you need help, you might ask at WikiProject Biography, a group of editors working on the creation, development, and organization of Wikipedia's articles about people. Thanks, and welcome to Wikipedia! cmadler (talk) 12:57, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

ESRO

I have done most of the work on this article. I would like to know what still needs to be improved and what is already acceptable. thanksU5K0 (talk) 18:29, 16 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You need more inline references. Many more. Bsimmons666 (talk) 22:48, 16 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

And not just bunched up in the lead. -- œ ^™ 02:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You need more references from third-party sources. Given that ESRO merged with ELDO to become ESA, ESA is not an independant source. cmadler (talk) 13:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Request for first article feedback

Hello:

I am new. I would like feedback on this article in my user space User:Webmina/User/Webmina There is another article I am preparing that technically describes the CrystaSulf chemical process.

Thanks, Mary Y. Greening 03:55, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

I suggest that you start by adding reliable, third-party sources to your article. This might include journal articles about the technology, newspaper or magazine articles about the company, etc. These are needed to ensure that Wikipedia's notability guideline is met. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:08, 17 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Please be aware of our COI and spam guidelines. I see that you created a new account after your account User:Crystatech was blocked. Triplestop x3 01:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

feedback please?

I am new to wikipedia and need help with my first article. The draft is currently under my user account (July271997). It is about a Palestinian composer/musician who has passed away (Mohsen Subhi). I wanted to:

(1) get feedback on it before I even try to make it public (2) learn how to upload pictures from the web (e.g. a CD cover) and some that are from my personal library, and (3) eventually get it published and accessible to the public. Thanks, —Preceding unsigned comment added by July271997 (talk • contribs) 16:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I made link on the user's page, so it is easier to find.

Initial comments:

The writing and structure seem good. I changed the heading to be more in line with wiki standards, and added a references section. * If the article was created now, it would certainly attract templates about inline citations and wikifiying. To avoid these:
- more incline citations should be added that confirm the information given (from webstes or from books. If using print sources, please give the author, title, publisher, page numbers and ISBN number if possible); and
- link words to other wiki pages, especially uncommon nouns or complicated words, words that can be linked to interested related articles and certainly any foreign words like Oud. To make wikilinks, simply place double square brackets around a word like [[this]].
Consider using an infobox. The easiest way is to find one on another person article, and copy it across, changing the entries for each field.
To upload a image: 1) save it to your desktop. 2) Click on "upload file" in the menu to the left. 3) Browse to Select the file. 4) Give the file a simple unique name, preferably one that could be found by searching the persons name. 5)Select a license from the drop-down list (there is one for album covers i think). 6) Write a "fair use rational". This means giving reasons why the image is needed for that particular page, and detailing where the image comes from.

The WP:Composers talk page should be able to give you more specific advice on composer pages, and have links to many other composer articles so you can see the standards expected. They may even be able to help with article writing and sourcing! :)

Good job so far, hope you enjoy wikipedia and keep contributing.Yob Mod 20:06, 18 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Daniel Solomon

Hi, I'd very much appreciate any feedback on my first article. It's still quite messy so I have it on my user page. User:Julie.crossman/Daniel_Solomon Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Julie.crossman (talk • contribs) 18:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

A few quick comments:

The lead is too short. Check out Wikipedia:Lead section. Keep in mind that many readers won't know the reference to "new Urbanism" and while you've linked it, you could help the reader and expand the lead by adding something here.
Articles must satify notability. While that may be satisfied by the link, I'm out of my depth here, so be prepared to be challenged by someone else.
"He taught at UC Berkeley from 1967 – 200?" I doubt this is proper, but I don't know the right answer. Sorry, but I'm just giving you a heads-up that someone might challenge it. I looked at wp:mos#dates but didn't see an answer.
“the relationship of urban land to hinterland, of the city to its transportation infrastructure, the city to its own history and the role of public space in the culture of the city” [4] This is dangling
"Peter Calthorpe, Andres Duany, Elizabeth Moule, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk, Stefan Polyzoides, and Solomon founded the Chicago-based Congress for the New Urbanism in 1993." Awkward sentence - I don't like it starting with a list.
"The CNU's Charter of the New Urbanism says: We..." Consider setting off the quoted item as a blockquote. I wasn't sure where the quote ended - be clear on the distinction between quoted material and your words.
Consider going into your preferences, then gadgets, and clicking "reftools". It will give you a template to improve your references. You should add a Title, an access date, optionally a publisher and of course the url. The "Cite" tool will make it easy.
~~Look into reformatting the citation style of your external links. I'll do one as an example~~ My mistake, looks fine

BTW, good start

For the dates teaching at UC Berkeley, is he still teaching there? If so, it's better to say "He has taught at UC Berkeley since 1967." If he's no longer teaching there, it should be possible to find out when he left and put the specific year into the article. cmadler (talk) 14:35, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Gazelle

The second paragraph on the above website page reads as follows:

" It probably lived in the better-watered mountain areas of sorth Africa rather than in deserts. The last record dated from before 1894. It is known from three specimens, which were purchased in markets in Algiers and Oran, northern Algeria, in the late nineteenth century. They are held in museums in Paris and London. "

I believe that the text that I have highlighted with bold text, should read "South Africa" rather than "sorth Africa"?

Regards An avid wikipedia user —Preceding unsigned comment added by 198.54.202.114 (talk) 05:49, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it (should be "north Africa"). In future, if you see such problems, please be bold and edit yourself, or leave a note on the articles talk page, which will likely get a more expert response. Thanks again!YobMod 09:05, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Agvorob/Grigory_Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

new user needs help

I need feedback on my article "László Marton" for the English language wikipedia. Thank you, Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 20:58, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_Marton

Hi,

I need feedback on my article. Thank you! Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 21:01, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Copying and pasting entire passages is still copyright violation even if you cite the source.. Plagiarism at best if stating that it's 'YOUR' article. Suggest you rewrite the entire article using your own words. -- œ ^™ 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The free ecnyclopedia

I have a deep concern about articles becoming to damn advanced for the average, for example: Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Microwave). One of my buddies told me that the Firewire article was too advanced and needs to be re-written. Does anybody else agree with me??? South Bay (talk) 01:08, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

@@ Line 212: / Line 212: @@
 :Copying and pasting entire passages is still [[Wikipedia:Copyright violations|copyright violation]] even if you cite the source.. [[Wikipedia:Plagiarism|Plagiarism]] at best if stating that it's 'YOUR' article. Suggest you rewrite the entire article using your own words. -- [[User:OlEnglish|<font size="5">&oelig;</font>]][[User talk:OlEnglish|<sup>&trade;</sup>]] 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
+== The free ecnyclopedia ==
+I have a deep concern about articles becoming to damn advanced for the average, for example: [[Vitamin A]], [[Vitamin B]], [[Microwave]]). One of my buddies told me that the [[Firewire]] article was too advanced and needs to be re-written. Does anybody else agree with me???  [[User:South Bay|South Bay]] ([[User talk:South Bay|talk]]) 01:08, 20 August 2009 (UTC)