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Requests for Feedback

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This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed.
This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions.
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Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

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There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback:

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The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: (click here to refresh)

Index of all requests for feedback

Template:Werdnabot

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire

We've put in a fair bit of work improving this article over the past week (compare to [1]), and are looking for suggestions for improvements. Does the article leave you with unanswered questions? In an ideal world, in which a suitable reference could be found for any fact, what else would you like to see in this article? On the other hand, do you see anything there that should be removed? Other suggestions? Also, the WikiProjects into which this article falls seem to be largely inactive, with the exception of WP:REENACT, for which I seem to be the only reviewer, so I'll ask here for opinions on how you think this article should be assessed, and what is needed to move it to the next level. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:37, 7 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, sorry your request for feedback wasn't answered sooner. I enjoyed reading this article! I'm sure it meets WP:BCLASS. I see that it has recently been nominated for GA, and I'm interested in seeing how that goes. A few good things I saw was that the article is very well referenced for the amount of prose it has, as well as being well structured. After reading the talk page, the only thing I would comment on, is that it probably should have at least one more photo in the article. If you can't decide on which photo to include, you could just create a category for them on Commons, and add the Template:Commons category box to this article. I think that would be a great addition. If you haven't seen, this is the page views that article has been getting this month. :-) Good work on everything. Killiondude (talk) 05:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I've added the commonscat template, and am working on putting more images (there are plenty of appropriately-licensed images of it on Flickr) into Commons. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions. cmadler (talk) 13:43, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Agvorob/Grigory_Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

PLEASE CORRECT IT

I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST ABOUT ARTICLE WRITTEN ON SIR ABDULLAH HAROON LINK GIVEN BELOW THAT IN ARTICLE IT IS MENTIONED THAT HE WAS A LEADING SINDHI BUSINESSMAN, BUT HE WAS NOT SINDHI HE WAS KUTCHI.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdullah_Haroon

HIS FAMILY BELONGS FROM KUTCHI (INDIA).

THANK YOU,

RAMIS ALI —Preceding unsigned comment added by 116.71.57.97 (talk) 13:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I see that you took care of it yourself. Any chance you also have some good sources for the article? It's desperately in need of them, and we could use your help! ~ Amory (user • talk • contribs) 13:12, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Removal of few photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)

Hi,

I would like you guys to remove photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) immediately. Its totally prohibited. Please remove them at the earliest and also add PBUH everytime Muhammad(pubh) is written. Please respect others faith.

Here is the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad

Mohammed Hamed Sajid —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mdhamedsajid (talk • contribs) 20:23, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion of this is at Talk:Muhammad/images - you're better off discussing it there. Bear in mind that when this has come up in the past, the general consensus has been to keep the images. We have a policy of not using (pbuh) or (saw); see Wikipedia:Manual of Style (Islam-related articles)#Muhammad. – iridescent 20:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think there is nothing wrong with using honorifics in talk space. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, I agree with there, just not in articles. – iridescent 20:40, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

(ec)As you can see from the images themselves, there were times when the prohibition was interpreted differently within Islam. At the time depictions of Muhammad were considered admissible so long as the images were not worshipped. This is in conformance with a plain reading of the Qur'an, and everything else is a later tradition. Wikipedia isn't even an Islamic project, so we do not feel bound by this prohibition. Personally I would respect your feelings and those of many others, and remove these images from all articles other than depictions of Muhammad and perhaps a few other very specific articles about the history of Islam. But there is a general consensus not to do this. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

As Hans Adler points out, the flat statement "Its totally prohibited" is not an accurate statement.

Furthermore, should the Islamic community reach a conclusion that such depictions are not allowed by Muslims, that decision would not apply to kafir (apostates are another matter). Please respect my beliefs.--SPhilbrick T 18:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In any event, this page is not the place to discuss it. cmadler (talk) 18:16, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Help!

Trying to post this short bio for Steve Buckingham. Not patient enough for all this formatting... Please help me make this into wiki standard so I can post ASAP!

Thanks in Advance!

BlueMagnet (talk) 01:17, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

DEAR LORD PLEASE HELP ME!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Thanks in advance...

Sincerely, Blue BlueMagnet (talk) 01:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It looks like you've got both internal and external links figured out. You can't add this photo, because it's a copyrighted image of a living person. Since it's possible to find a freely-licensed image or for someone to take a new photo and release it under a free license, we can't accept a copyrighted photo of him. The article can probably be moved to Steve Buckingham (record producer). Thanks, cmadler (talk) 14:31, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Cmadler! About the photo thing still... Steve Buckingham is the one asking me to put this Wikipedia page up for him, he gave me this photo to use for his website as it is his official publicity shot. I was the one who scanned in the photo, made the website and have direct permission to put this up for him, so how do I handle that? Thanks so much for your feedback!!

Sincerely, Blue

BlueMagnet (talk) 15:05, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I see that you've uploaded the photo to Commons. To avoid any problems, you will probably want to have the person who owns the copyright on that photo send an email confirming that it is released to the public domain. See [2] for details. Also, since you have a direct connection to Buckingham, please be aware of our conflict of interest policy. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 16:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Wizard101

Currently a start class Video Game article and often subject to more fan-based content than truly encyclopedic additions, I have recently pruned and reorganized the content starting here and ending here for the time being. I'd appreciate some feedback and tips on how to bring this to C class or better, I'm normally doing mostly gnome-type work. Thanks. MLauba (talk) 23:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

My top criticism of the article as it currently stands is that parts of the storyline and gameplay sections are written from an "in-universe" perspective, which needs to be corrected. These sections are also a bit confusing to someone (like me) who hasn't played the game. Finally, the only mentions I could find of player interaction are in the online safety features section (if this section were removed, and the term "MMORPG" were removed from the lead, a reader would never know that this wasn't a traditional one-player game), but player interaction is ususually a key element of an MMORPG. cmadler (talk) 12:44, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback. I've started trying to address the in-universe issue, if you would care to have a look and let me know if this makes it clearer for the non-player, I'd be grateful. MLauba (talk) 11:27, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It's a bit better. The "Backstory" section doesn't really seem to be backstory but rather the plot of the game, at least near the beginning. (True backstory would be anything that happens before play begins.) That section needs some more work. For example, "The player successfully defeats each demon..." -- really? The player never loses? "The story however unfolds again in the next world, Grizzleheim, leading to new developments" sounds like an advertisement. Also, the comment I made above about player interaction still stands. Keep working on this, it's gradually getting better. cmadler (talk) 12:10, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Re the player interaction, absolutely, I haven't even touched this so far. I'm focusing on the in-universe aspect first, and then tackle the rest :) Thanks again for the time. MLauba (talk) 12:29, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Mount Hope Estate

I'm still working on it, but I think it's almost stable. In addition to general feedback and criticism, is there anything noticably missing from this coverage? Are any points unclear? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Looks great to me. I fixed a couple typos, that was it. I'm not a fan of adding a footnote to a heading, but I've done it when I couldn't avoid it, and I don't see it discouraged in wp:cite. Two of the three pictures are almost identical, and the first is visually marred by the building or wall on the right. Consider cropping the first. Consider not having two images so similar.--SPhilbrick T 17:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Please review - LMT Communications

Please review this article for posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eirinidlm

thanks, Eirinidlm (talk) 15:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, but it comes across as a little too PRish for me.
Some peacock phrasing (Recognizing a strong need).
Listing the goal isn't really appropriate. Rather than

"The goal of the company was to create an business strategies magazine"

be more more straightforward:

"The company publishes a business strategies magazine"

I don't know enough about the industry to know how a circulation of 19k ranks, so I don't know whether this publication is notable.

Please look at wp:cite. You need references in reliable sources, linked to the text. The guideline will help you.--SPhilbrick T 17:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Delta Cancris (aka Arkushanangarushashutu) One of the first times I've tried editing - something funny with first quote. Would love a hand here!

G'day folks

I'm a long time user, first time editor here & still learning the ropes. I have just tried to edit the Delta Cancris article. Had something odd happen to the first quote I've included there regarding the historic recorded occultation of Jupiter by Delta Cancris. Have added quite a bit to this article - incl. new references but not sure they've quite worked out. Also got a message about "whitespace" (?) not sure what the issue is there. Not brilliant with computers and going to be busy next few days I'm afraid but still any feedback or help with it would be very much appreciated. Sorry if anything I've done here breeches Wiki netiquette. Can you see my email address & email me about this? Or is that not possible or advisable?

Instead of spacing out the quotes, use blockquote tags: <blockquote>text here</blockquote>. I've also fixed the first quote in the article this way. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 19:17, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dada Gujar

I had created an article on Dada Gujar. It was deleted stating that it was a copyright infringement and advertising. Please have a look at the article here: User:Hadapsar/Dada_Gujar and give me some feedback. Please see the talk page of the article to get my exchanges with the editors. Thanks. [[[User:Hadapsar|Hadapsar]] (talk) 04:10, 28 August 2009 (UTC)][reply]

The other editors who left comments on the talk page are correct. In general, anything that anyone has written is copyrighted. (See WP:COPYVIO) Also, it is not written in a manner appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:NPOV) cmadler (talk) 14:14, 28 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

profanity in William Wundt article

Please remove the "masterbating" (sic) sentence several paragraphs from the top in the William Wundt posting.

Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Myquestforknowledge90210 (talk • contribs) 23:35, 28 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Kent Plantation House

Hello. I have created the Kent Plantation House article. Right now, I am editing it on my user pages. Please tell me what you think. Click here to go to my article. Btilm 00:06, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Could use some better prose but otherwise looks nice. You may want to consider a WP:DYK nom. -- œ ^™ 04:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In re: Gill

This is an article about a case currently pending before the Florida Third Circuit Court of Appeal which could overturn Florida's 31-year-old ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians, the only ban of its kind in the U.S. The trial court judge struck down the ban, but the state has appealed. The adoption ban has received wide-spread attention over the years, due to Anita Bryant's original campaign to pass it, Rosie O'Donnell's use of her talk show to try to have it repealed, and its inclusion as a major plot point in the movie Milk.

I'm looking for suggestions both to improve the article and general suggestions on writing better articles on court cases, as I want to expand the number of articles on landmark gay rights cases in Wikipedia. Viciouslies (talk) 16:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Someone at WikiProject Law can probably help you with general advice on writing articles about court cases. cmadler (talk) 16:46, 31 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I haven't found a lot of useful information there (or even a good way to ask for it) but I'll keep looking. Any suggestions for improving this specific article are definitely appreciated. Viciouslies (talk) 03:20, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Mistress Absolutes Entry

Hello, I've tried to create this entry a few times so have set it up on my user page so that I can iron the details and issues with the article. I am very new to Wiki so sorry for any caused so far.

The page in question is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Malstrome/Mistress_Absolute would it possible for it be reviewed and feedback given? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Malstrome (talk • contribs) 20:33, 31 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In theory, this is the right place to ask, but this site isn’t staffed as well as I would like. I’ll offer a couple comments, but I don’t want you to conclude that addressing my comments would be sufficient. You should look at some article for similar people to get a sense of style and requirements.

The second sentence “She is well known and revered worldwide’ is problematic. On one hand, it is important to establish notability early on, but on the other hand, it cannot simply be asserted, it needs to be sourced.

A slight complication is that it is desirable to write the opening section (Lead) as a summary of key points listed below. So points made in the lead don’t have to be directly sourced, as long as they are a summary of points made later in the article which are sourced.

Don’t simply say she is well-known. Cite references to support the statement.

Don’t say she is revered, she may be but that’s a conclusion an editor should not be making. if you want to use the word, find a quote from a reliable source.

Please read wp:Cite. While you have included some citations, they are not in the correct format. The guideline will help, and you can look at other articles for examples.

I saw a number of spelling and grammatical errors. One or two I would just correct, but there are quite a few, so I think you should do a read-through first.

I think you deliberately capitalized “Her” and “Herself”. That may be her preference, but it is not encyclopedic style.SPhilbrick T 13:09, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

My user page

Hi,

I'm trying to make a short information about Embedded Artists in the same way as has been made for IAR Systems. What am I doing wrong? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hallmaria (talk • contribs) 12:28, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I responded to this user at his/her talk page. ceranthor 13:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AmaruKR/Sandbox David Newman Biography

Hello,

I'm new at Wikipedia and ready to post my first article, on Kirtan artist David Newman.

In the interest of disclosure, the subject is a client of mine (I maintain his website). I am aware of Wikipedia's policies on this so I have tried to maintain a neutral pov but would like to know if anyone sees anything that would be considered non-neutral. I wouldn't write an article about any client, in fact I've refused to do so before, however this particular person has colleagues and contemporaries on Wikipedia as well as a large and growing fan base so I do think he belongs here. Any help getting this article up would be appreciated.

Thank you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by AmaruKR (talk • contribs) 15:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I'd suggest that he doesn't presently meet Wikipedia:Notability (music), though if his new CD is released on Nettwerk, he would then meet criterion 5 for musicians and ensembles. You might want to keep this in userspace until then. Also, since the "Musical Style" section is sourced only to his website, you should probably strengthen the attribution. Try something like "He describes his music as [insert direct quote]." cmadler (talk) 17:35, 1 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

First thank you for creating this in a sandbox instead of creating it in the main space and then insisting that it not be deleted. I would agree with Cmadler, not quite notable enough yet. It could also use some cleanup which I would be happy to help with after we can establish a firmer notability. Tiggerjay (talk) 03:49, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

User:Mhughes2k/WEST (brewery)

Looking for a bit of feedback about an article regarding the WEST Brewery in Glasgow! --Mhughes2k (talk) 11:17, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Please provide feedback and formatting suggestions

Hello--

I hope this is the right place/method to get feedback on an article in development. It can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Johncmorley/Camerado

Thanks for any feedback,

Johncmorley (talk) 11:38, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]