Talk:Robert A. Mandell: Difference between revisions
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As I said before, I'm willing to go through this with editors section-by-section or as a whole. I'm open to any feedback or suggestions. Cheers, [[User:WWB_Too|WWB Too]] ([[User talk:WWB_Too|Talk]] · [[User:WWB_Too|COI]]) 16:10, 31 March 2017 (UTC) |
As I said before, I'm willing to go through this with editors section-by-section or as a whole. I'm open to any feedback or suggestions. Cheers, [[User:WWB_Too|WWB Too]] ([[User talk:WWB_Too|Talk]] · [[User:WWB_Too|COI]]) 16:10, 31 March 2017 (UTC) |
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:{{U|WWB_Too}} I am dissatisfied with your proposed draft. The present article developed by the community is pretty much par for the course for a controversial businessman of moderate notability who purchased an ambassadorship. Merely because the BLP subject is paying you (how much is the amount ?) does not entitle him to a longer puffed up article vis-a-vis those who don't pay. [[User:Inlinetext|Inlinetext]] ([[User talk:Inlinetext|talk]]) 03:10, 2 April 2017 (UTC) |
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Revision as of 03:10, 2 April 2017
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Proposed rewrite for this article
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Hello, all. I've been working on a new proposed draft of this article, which expands on Robert Mandell's life, career and ambassadorship while cleaning up some existing content. That draft is now ready for review. First a disclosure: I am working on behalf of Mr. Mandell as part of my work with Beutler Ink. I will not edit this article directly and am seeking other editors' input and assistance in making the changes if they are reasonable.
With my new draft, I give structure to the article, bring it up-to-date and improve sourcing. Being that the existing article is short and largely unstructured, I am proposing my full draft in its entirety. However, I am happy to go over it with editors section-by-section if that's preferable. I've placed the full draft in my user space—Robert A. Mandell (new proposed draft). This diff shows how it differs from the current article.
Here's what you'll see in my draft:
- The current version of the article consists of a single Biography section. My draft creates sections for Education, Career, Ambassadorship and Personal life.
- My draft expands detail on Mr. Mandell's education and his career in the private and public sector.
- It also moves the photo to a new Ambassadorship section and includes a new caption to better identify those in the picture.
There are two other specifics that are worth noting on this discussion page.
- My draft deletes detail on the resignation of the previous ambassador, Cynthia Stroum, as this article is about Mr. Mandell and should focus on him.
- Also, the current version mentions "some controversy" over Mr. Mandell's appointment because he was a fundraiser for President Barack Obama and says that "some criticized" the appointment because of Mr. Mandell's lack of diplomatic experience. This is an overstatement. Some media mentioned Mr. Mandell's fundraising and his lack of prior diplomatic experience, so my draft presents the issue that way. It seems to me to be a mischaracterization to say this was a "controversy" when the Senate approved the nomination in a voice vote.
As I said before, I'm willing to go through this with editors section-by-section or as a whole. I'm open to any feedback or suggestions. Cheers, WWB Too (Talk · COI) 16:10, 31 March 2017 (UTC)
- WWB_Too I am dissatisfied with your proposed draft. The present article developed by the community is pretty much par for the course for a controversial businessman of moderate notability who purchased an ambassadorship. Merely because the BLP subject is paying you (how much is the amount ?) does not entitle him to a longer puffed up article vis-a-vis those who don't pay. Inlinetext (talk) 03:10, 2 April 2017 (UTC)