Talk:Robert A. Mandell

Proposed rewrite for this article

Hello, all. I've been working on a new proposed draft of this article, which expands on Robert Mandell's life, career and ambassadorship while cleaning up some existing content. That draft is now ready for review. First a disclosure: I am working on behalf of Mr. Mandell as part of my work with Beutler Ink. I will not edit this article directly and am seeking other editors' input and assistance in making the changes if they are reasonable.

With my new draft, I give structure to the article, bring it up-to-date and improve sourcing. Being that the existing article is short and largely unstructured, I am proposing my full draft in its entirety. However, I am happy to go over it with editors section-by-section if that's preferable. I've placed the full draft in my user space—Robert A. Mandell (new proposed draft). This diff shows how it differs from the current article.

Here's what you'll see in my draft:

• The current version of the article consists of a single Biography section. My draft creates sections for Education, Career, Ambassadorship and Personal life.
• My draft expands detail on Mr. Mandell's education and his career in the private and public sector.
• It also moves the photo to a new Ambassadorship section and includes a new caption to better identify those in the picture.

There are two other specifics that are worth noting on this discussion page.

• My draft deletes detail on the resignation of the previous ambassador, Cynthia Stroum, as this article is about Mr. Mandell and should focus on him.
• Also, the current version mentions "some controversy" over Mr. Mandell's appointment because he was a fundraiser for President Barack Obama and says that "some criticized" the appointment because of Mr. Mandell's lack of diplomatic experience. This is an overstatement. Some media mentioned Mr. Mandell's fundraising and his lack of prior diplomatic experience, so my draft presents the issue that way. It seems to me to be a mischaracterization to say this was a "controversy" when the Senate approved the nomination in a voice vote.

As I said before, I'm willing to go through this with editors section-by-section or as a whole. I'm open to any feedback or suggestions. Cheers, WWB Too (Talk · COI) 16:10, 31 March 2017 (UTC)

WWB_Too I am dissatisfied with your proposed draft. The present article developed by the community is pretty much par for the course for a controversial businessman of moderate notability who purchased an ambassadorship. Merely because the BLP subject is paying you (how much is the amount ?) does not entitle him to a longer puffed up article vis-a-vis those who don't pay and would be unfair. Inlinetext (talk) 03:10, 2 April 2017 (UTC)

Hello, Inlinetext. Thanks for taking a look and responding. To be very clear, my intention is most certainly not to create a "puffed up" article, but to provide additional detail on Mr. Mandell that meets Wikipedia's content rules on verifiability and neutral point of view, among others. I'm curious: Are there specific issues you saw with it that I can address?

Besides the new material, my draft improves on the existing entry in a few ways. For instance:

• I have updated the infobox, which currently says Mr. Mandell still lives in Luxembourg in an official capacity, which is incorrect.
• I've moved the image from the left of the page to the right as per the Manual of Style, and rewrote the caption so readers can easily identify the people pictured.
• The current version says Mr. Mandell worked for Greater Construction and later became its president, but it never says when.

As regards "controversial"—have you seen any particular sources that point to business controversies that should be mentioned in the article? I have researched the topic and not found any. Same question about his his appointment as ambassador—the limited coverage of his confirmation hearings, such as this story from the Orlando Sentinel, does not mention debate over the nomination. While the story notes Mr. Mandell's fundraising efforts for Barack Obama and a lack of previous diplomatic experience, it does not describe these as particularly controversial.

Thanks for your consideration. Cheers, WWB Too (Talk · COI) 18:39, 3 April 2017 (UTC)

Hi 'WWB' (BTW, I read your blog :-) regularly).

I am more concerned with the ghost writing aspects of paid / undisclosed promotional editing which are not easily discernible to the average Wikipedia reader.

Specific issues ? Sure:

• In the United States, for example, "Unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce are unlawful."
• "In 2012 the Munich Oberlandesgericht court ruled that if a company or its agents edit Wikipedia with the aim of influencing customers, the edits constitute covert advertising, and as such are a violation of European fair-trading law. The ruling stated that readers cannot be expected to seek out user and talk pages to find editors' disclosures about their corporate affiliation"
• I am especially concerned that I am being harassed (among other things) for policy based objections connected to your initiated COIRESPONSES here. Cheers, Inlinetext (talk) 19:30, 3 April 2017 (UTC)