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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Podsought (talk | contribs) at 17:25, 21 May 2024 (closing request due to lack of consensus). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Edit request November 2023

Hello again, I would like to request some new changes to the Career section of the article. As mentioned previously, I declare that I have a connection to Utemuratov.

1. Could the following sentence please be added after the first sentence in the section:

He brokered Kazakhstan’s first line of credit with Bank Creditanstalt.[1]

2. In the second paragraph could the opening sentence be changed to read as follows:

After Utemuratov returned, he held several senior roles in the Kazakh government including deputy minister for external economic affairs.[1]

3. In the same paragraph please add the below sentence immediately after the line about ATF Bank growing from a small financial institution to a large group.

HSBC, ING, Paribas, and Société Générale all showed interest in acquiring ATF.[2]

4. Please add the below standalone sentence in between paragraphs 2 and 3.

In 1996 Utemuratov was appointed as ambassador to Switzerland, a position he held for three years.

Please note that reference 1 (Bloomberg) from the reflist in the live article supports the first, second and fourth requested additions.[1]

Thank you in advance for considering this new request. Podsought (talk) 10:12, 3 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

 Unable to review. The Bloomberg source is paywalled, meaning the COI editor should activate the |quote= parameter in three separate instances in order to act as accompaniment for each claim, whereby the verbatim text from the source may provide each needed verification. Please note that if the Bloomberg source is an interview with the subject, then any claims which involve third parties should be omitted, or else a reliable secondary source should be provided that is not merely the subject's own words. Please be sure to place a new edit request template when ready to proceed. Regards,  Spintendo  14:56, 3 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ a b c Gizitdinov, Nariman (13 November 2013). "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. Retrieved 3 November 2023.
  2. ^ Gorst, Isabel. "Unicredit sees Asian growth after bank deal". www.ft.com. Retrieved 3 November 2023.

November request resubmitted

Please see an updated version below with the quote parameter for all references! All changes refer to the Career section. As mentioned previously, I declare that I have a connection to Utemuratov.

1. Could the following sentence please be added after the first sentence in the section:

He brokered Kazakhstan’s first line of credit with Bank Creditanstalt.[1]

2. In the second paragraph could the opening sentence be changed to read as follows:

After Utemuratov returned, he held several senior roles in the Kazakh government including deputy minister for external economic affairs.[2]

3. In the same paragraph please add the below sentence immediately after the line about ATF Bank growing from a small financial institution to a large group.

HSBC, ING, Paribas, and Société Générale reportedly showed interest in acquiring ATF.[3]

4. Please add the below standalone sentence in between paragraphs 2 and 3.

In 1996 Utemuratov was appointed as ambassador to Switzerland, a position he held for three years.[4]

Please note that reference 1 (Bloomberg) from the reflist in the live article supports the first, second and fourth requested additions. Podsought (talk) 17:17, 6 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ Gizitdinov, Nariman (13 November 2013). "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. Retrieved 6 November 2023. Within a year of landing in Austria he helped broker Kazakhstan's first line of credit, from Vienna-based Bank Creditanstalt.
  2. ^ "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. 13 November 2013. Retrieved 6 November 2023. After he helped to negotiate Kazakhstan's loan deal with Bank Creditanstalt, Nazarbayev named him first deputy minister for external economic affairs, one rung below cabinet minister.
  3. ^ Gorst, Isabel. "Unicredit sees Asian growth after bank deal". www.ft.com. Retrieved 3 November 2023. HSBC, ING, Paribas, and Société Générale all showed interest in acquiring ATF
  4. ^ "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. 13 November 2013. Retrieved 6 November 2023. In 1996, Utemuratov asked for, and was granted, the ambassadorship to Switzerland. He spent his three-year stint in Geneva in the 1990s establishing the Kazakh embassy and improving relations with Swiss businesses, including ABB Ltd., Credit Suisse Group AG, Nestle SA and UBS AG.

Reply 8-NOV-2023

Below you will see where proposals from your request have been quoted with reviewer decisions and feedback inserted underneath, either accepting, declining or otherwise commenting upon your proposal(s). Please read the enclosed notes within the proposal review section below for information on each request.

Edit request review 8-NOV-2023

He brokered Kazakhstan’s first line of credit with Bank Creditanstalt.
Clarification needed.[note 1]


After Utemuratov returned, he held several senior roles in the Kazakh government including deputy minister for external economic affairs
no Declined.[note 2]


HSBC, ING, Paribas, and Société Générale reportedly showed interest in acquiring ATF.
no Declined.[note 3]


In 1996 Utemuratov was appointed as ambassador to Switzerland, a position he held for three years.
 Approved.Cite error: There are <ref> tags on this page without content in them (see the help page).


___________

  1. ^ The reference states that the subject "helped broker" this deal, whereas the proposed language states he "brokered" the deal. One phrase implies that the subject worked alone, while the other does not. Please clarify this distinction.
  2. ^ The language used in the proposal states that the subject held "several senior roles" but then goes on to list only one of them, while the reference clearly does not confirm that the subject held any roles beyond this one role, meaning, the phrase "several senior roles" is incorrect.
  3. ^ This information, which concerns the activities of banks and not the subject of the article himself, is not germane to the article.

Regards,  Spintendo  19:59, 8 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Spintendo, thanks for reviewing this. I note your point on the sources not confirming the wording I used. Accordingly, could these additions be made in the same textual positions as previously mentioned now that I have amended the phrasing?
1. He helped broker Kazakhstan’s first line of credit with Bank Creditanstalt.[1]
2. "After Utemuratov returned, he was made first deputy minister for external economic affairs."[2]
Thanks again for your time and work to improve this article Podsought (talk) 17:40, 21 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]
 Done The location where the information was placed in the article was a guesstimate, because that requested location was not carried over into this conversation thread. Regards,  Spintendo  23:37, 25 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I have moved the first point to the intended location as stated in the earlier thread, thank you for your help and feedback! Podsought (talk) 14:03, 30 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ Gizitdinov, Nariman (13 November 2013). "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. Retrieved 6 November 2023. Within a year of landing in Austria he helped broker Kazakhstan's first line of credit, from Vienna-based Bank Creditanstalt.
  2. ^ "Kazakh Billionaire Says He's Got Nothing to Hide". Bloomberg.com. 13 November 2013. Retrieved 6 November 2023. After he helped to negotiate Kazakhstan's loan deal with Bank Creditanstalt, Nazarbayev named him first deputy minister for external economic affairs, one rung below cabinet minister.

Edit request November 30 2023

Hi, I would like to present an argument for restoring recently removed content from this article, and some further amendments. I have a conflict of interest connection to Utemuratov.

Can the following sections be considered for reinstatement for the reasons provided:

1. "Since 2007 Utemuratov has been the President of the Kazakhstan Tennis Federation.[1] He has invested US$200 million to develop the sport in various ways such as establishing the country's national teams, developing children's tennis, and constructing tennis infrastructure in all major cities of Kazakhstan.[2]"

Reason: Utemuratov’s success as President of the KTF is notable for the increase in Kazakhstan's standing on the world stage in this sport. The funding, development, and talent-seeking programs which Utemuratov has overseen have most notably contributed to the successes of Elena Rybakina and Alexander Bublik, and have drawn long-form commentary from media outside of Kazakhstan such as this New York Times feature and the tennis.com feature cited later in this request. It is also arguable that his tenure in this position is one of the reasons he was elected VP of the ITF. It would therefore be sensible to reinstate this text into the Tennis section, either just before or after the sentence on the ITF position.

2. "Since September 2015, Utemuratov has been a board member of the International Tennis Federation.[3][4]"

Reason: This is an elected position which demonstrates Utemuratov’s consistent involvement in the ITF beyond his role as VP. It would make sense to reinclude this either before or after the mention of the ITF in the Tennis section.

3. "In October 2022, Kazakhstan hosted its first ever ATP 500 tournament in Astana.[5]"

Reason: This ATP 500 tournament is a reputable professional competition, is the first of its kind in Kazakhstan, and the source refers to it as Utemuratov's "baby" due to his level of involvement. Accordingly, this is both notable and relevant to Utemuratov’s biographical article on Wikipedia, and should be included at an appropriate point in the Tennis section.

Similarly, there is additional independent coverage of this and other ATP tournaments with particular focus on the effect Utemuratov has had in establishing Kazakhstan as a serious contender in professional tennis. I would like to put forward the following additional sentence, for inclusion just before the mention of the 2022 ATP 500 tournament and after the mention of infrastructure investment in point 1.

Text for addition: "During Utemuratov’s presidency of the KTF, the Astana Open was established in 2020, returning in 2021, both as licensed ATP 250 events.[4]"

4. "The Foundation's flagship project "Autism. One World for All", provides early intervention programs for autistic children and support for their families.[6]"

Reason: At present there is no context for what the Foundation does, which is not very informative. The Autism. One World for All project, as flagship, would be a sensible inclusion to ensure a minimum of understanding.

5. In the See also section, Vyacheslav Kim is an odd choice, as there is neither a private nor business connection between these two individuals. A more appropriate choice might be David Haggerty who is the president of the ITF to Utemuratov's vice-president.

6. I would like to suggest some External links:

7. Finally, the article subheadings could do with review. A previous Section too long banner suggested considering splitting content, condensing it, or adding subheadings, but the article has changed a lot since 2022. I suggest the following headings:

  • (Introduction)
  • Early life and education
  • Career (either no-subheadings or:)
  • Finance and investment
  • Tennis
  • Charity (no subheadings)
  • Personal life
  • Awards
  • See also
  • References
  • External Links

Many thanks for considering making these restorations and changes. Podsought (talk) 14:14, 30 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

  1. ^ "Kazakhstan Tennis Federation -". ktf.kz.
  2. ^ Futterman, Matthew (2022-10-05). "The Billionaire Trying to Turn Kazakhstan Into a Tennis Nation". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2022-11-23.
  3. ^ "Board of Directors". www.itftennis.com.
  4. ^ a b Fitzgerald, Matt (2 October 2023). "The labor of love behind the dream of Astana becoming a permanent ATP Tour stop". Tennis.com.
  5. ^ "La Fédération kazakhe de tennis passe à l'attaque". L'Équipe (in French). Retrieved 2022-11-23.
  6. ^ Sharman, Almaz (24 April 2023). "Meeting halfway: Three ways philanthropy can help society adapt to autism". Alliance magazine.

Reply 30-NOV-2023

The COI editor, while posting edit requests, is still making changes to the article themself. I think it would be prudent if the COI editor chose whether or not they wish other editors to make changes or if they are going to remain making changes themselves. There should be an economy of actions here, as working both sides of the curtain, so to speak, seems counterintuitive. Also, the COI editor has stated that this requested information was previously removed from the article, but they have not provided the diffs that show this removal, nor have they stated whether or not they consulted first with the editor(s) who made those changes. Regards,  Spintendo  04:03, 1 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Spintendo, happy new year! I thought my moving of the sentence to its intended location within the text was not a controversial move and possibly not worth requesting as it seemed a bit bureaucratic, which is why I made this change directly. I am happy to incorporate such changes into my requests going forward, but it does seem counterintuitive to bother the community with very simple, logical changes that don't really merit discussion. I also brought several instances of one citation under a single reference name; I also did not believe this required committee sign off so to speak.
The diff for the removed material is here: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Bulat_Utemuratov&diff=1184173063&oldid=1182729788
As I am not requesting the whole text be restored, and in any case, the merits of each sentence would need to be discussed, I presented them for individual consideration. I think it might be worth a third party having a look, as you were the editor who removed this information. As I'm sure we both sincerely believe our arguments for removing/keeping the argument have merit, it would be nice to get another view. Podsought (talk) 13:04, 10 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Request Resubmission 2 February 2024

I would like to re-open the 8 November request up to other editors to review. As I mentioned in my comment on 10 January, I would appreciate getting a wider consensus. The suggestions are below and all refer to material removed in this diff: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Bulat_Utemuratov&diff=1184173063&oldid=1182729788

Can the following sections be considered for reinstatement for the reasons provided:

1. "Since 2007 Utemuratov has been the President of the Kazakhstan Tennis Federation.[1] He has invested US$200 million to develop the sport in various ways such as establishing the country's national teams, developing children's tennis, and constructing tennis infrastructure in all major cities of Kazakhstan.[2]"

Reason: Utemuratov’s success as President of the KTF is notable for the increase in Kazakhstan's standing on the world stage in this sport. The funding, development, and talent-seeking programs which Utemuratov has overseen have most notably contributed to the successes of Elena Rybakina and Alexander Bublik, and have drawn long-form commentary from media outside of Kazakhstan such as this New York Times feature and the tennis.com feature cited later in this request. It is also arguable that his tenure in this position is one of the reasons he was elected VP of the ITF. It would therefore be sensible to reinstate this text into the Tennis section, either just before or after the sentence on the ITF position.

2. "Since September 2015, Utemuratov has been a board member of the International Tennis Federation.[3][4]"

Reason: This is an elected position which demonstrates Utemuratov’s consistent involvement in the ITF beyond his role as VP. It would make sense to reinclude this either before or after the mention of the ITF in the Tennis section.

3. "In October 2022, Kazakhstan hosted its first ever ATP 500 tournament in Astana.[5]"

Reason: This ATP 500 tournament is a reputable professional competition, is the first of its kind in Kazakhstan, and the source refers to it as Utemuratov's "baby" due to his level of involvement. Accordingly, this is both notable and relevant to Utemuratov’s biographical article on Wikipedia, and should be included at an appropriate point in the Tennis section.

Similarly, there is additional independent coverage of this and other ATP tournaments with particular focus on the effect Utemuratov has had in establishing Kazakhstan as a serious contender in professional tennis. I would like to put forward the following additional sentence, for inclusion just before the mention of the 2022 ATP 500 tournament and after the mention of infrastructure investment in point 1.

Text for addition: "During Utemuratov’s presidency of the KTF, the Astana Open was established in 2020, returning in 2021, both as licensed ATP 250 events.[4]"

4. "The Foundation's flagship project "Autism. One World for All", provides early intervention programs for autistic children and support for their families.[6]"

Reason: At present there is no context for what the Foundation does, which is not very informative. The Autism. One World for All project, as flagship, would be a sensible inclusion to ensure a minimum of understanding.

5. In the See also section, Vyacheslav Kim (and now Almaz Alsenov) is an odd choice, as there is neither a private nor business connection between these individuals. A more appropriate choice might be David Haggerty who is the president of the ITF to Utemuratov's vice-president.

6. I would like to suggest some External links:

7. Finally, the article subheadings could do with review. A previous Section too long banner suggested considering splitting content, condensing it, or adding subheadings, but the article has changed a lot since 2022. I suggest the following headings:

  • (Introduction)
  • Early life and education
  • Career (either no-subheadings or:)
  • Finance and investment
  • Tennis
  • Charity (no subheadings)
  • Personal life
  • Awards
  • See also
  • References
  • External Links

References

  1. ^ "Kazakhstan Tennis Federation -". ktf.kz.
  2. ^ Futterman, Matthew (2022-10-05). "The Billionaire Trying to Turn Kazakhstan Into a Tennis Nation". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2022-11-23.
  3. ^ "Board of Directors". www.itftennis.com.
  4. ^ a b Fitzgerald, Matt (2 October 2023). "The labor of love behind the dream of Astana becoming a permanent ATP Tour stop". Tennis.com.
  5. ^ "La Fédération kazakhe de tennis passe à l'attaque". L'Équipe (in French). Retrieved 2022-11-23.
  6. ^ Sharman, Almaz (24 April 2023). "Meeting halfway: Three ways philanthropy can help society adapt to autism". Alliance magazine.

Many thanks for considering making these restorations and changes. Please let me know if there is anything I can help clarify! Podsought (talk) 17:58, 2 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Closing this request as this has had no engagement at all. I will review what I asked for to see if anything should be pursued further and what should be dropped. Podsought (talk) 17:25, 21 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
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