Customs and etiquette in Chinese dining

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Chinese table

Chinese table manners are the traditional styles that are used for eating in the region of China. In most dishes in Chinese cuisine, food is cooked in bite-sized pieces and easy to hold and eat. Therefore, chopsticks are used at the table instead of forks and knives.

History

There are many eating manners that one must pay attention to which date from the time of ancient China, such as how to sit in a banquet or the placing of the cutlery, and so on. Etiquette governs nearly every action at the table. Some rules were out of courtesy and identity, and were called by ancient Chinese "respect for manners"; some others were traditional; and some only concerned the behaviors of certain groups of people (especially women) and were actually not necessary. Whatever their origin, these rules show ancient China's dietary habits and food culture, and some of them are still followed in modern Chinese life. Compliance with these rules sometimes signals a person's status, culture, and family education to others. Because the custom of using banquets to solve problems in business, for friendship, and even in officialdom by the Chinese people, ones should pay great attention to the manners by the table and especially to the Chinese eating taboos.

Eating in Chinese culture

A typical dim sum breakfast in Hong Kong. Although the person has a spoon in their own small bowl, there are serving spoons (though the same size and type in this case as the personal spoon) being used in this photograph also.

Eating is a dominant aspect of Chinese culture, and in China, eating out is one of the most accepted ways to honor guests. Similar to Westerners drinking in a bar with friends, eating together in China is a way to socialize and deepen friendship.

Table etiquette is very important to Chinese people. In Chinese culture, using correct table manners is believed to bring “luck” while incorrect use will bring shame. Similarly, table etiquette indicates children’s educational status: holding chopsticks incorrectly leaves a bad impression and shames the parents, who have the responsibility of teaching them.

Inviting guests

There are many traditions that govern table manners in China such as the correct treatment of guests and how to use chopsticks correctly. Although each Chinese household has its own set of table manners and rules, the foundational traditions used to welcome guests are the same.

There are common rules for inviting guests over. When the guest of honor enters into the room, the hosts stand until the guest of honor is seated. The host then orders the dishes brought, and the guest should be silent. When the dishes arrive, the meal begins with a Toast from the host, and the guests then make a toast in turn in the honor of the host. The guest of honor should be the first one to start the meal. The best food in a dish should be left for the guest of honor. When the hostess says her food is not good enough, the guest must be courteous and tell her it is the best food he has ever tasted.

Seating

Honourable people would take the seats of honour, and humbler ones then sit according to status; elders sit facing the best direction; and teachers seat themselves in a place of honour relative to their students. When sitting at a rectangular table, elders sit at the shortest side of the table, against the back wall of the room and facing the door, then the others judged by their ages sit from inside to outside; in the case of a round table, the most inside seat is left for the elder to show his venerability.

Lazy Susan

The Lazy Susan is the flat, green, glass, rotating disc usually at the center of the white table. The Lazy Susan can be made of different materials, but is usually wood or glass.

A Lazy Susan is a rotating tray a the center of the table. Many Chinese tables are circular, and the Lazy Susan is circular. It is put there so that everyone has equal access to the food; so that there is no bias. Though there are seats of honour within a table, that is respect-related. The Lazy Susan is because the host is responsible for taking care of his guests when they are his guests; the Lazy Susan is for hospitality and from a concept of "welcoming everyone equally."

It is rude to turn the Lazy Susan when someone is transferring food from the communal dishes to their own bowl, even if your movement is only slight and will not prevent the other person from still being able to get their food. Wait until the other person has set down the communal chopsticks, or may splash or fal off. Do not hoard a dish. Take a little, then let that same dish go at least one circle before you take seconds. Don't back-rotate it for seconds before the last person gets a chance to get a serving.

A good host will still ask if everyone can "reach the food" even if there is a Lazy Susan on the table. Ensuring that everyone has a fair chance at the more special dishes (such as fish roe, lobster, etc.) is a sign of a good host. One way of doing this is to ask if so-and-so has tried the dish yet; so despite it being obvious that there is a Lazy Susan on the table, do not be rude if the host asks you this. He or she is merely looking out for you and doing his duty as the host. If you don't want to try that dish, simply say that it looks delicious but you are very full.

The Bill

In most restaurants in Chinese countries, there is no tip required unless it is explicitly posted. Usually, if there is a tip required, it will already be on your bill. In western countries, in Chinese restaurants though, tips are usually expected. If you are not certain, ask the waitress or watch the other customers.

Guests should not truly “split the bill” with the host. A guest who “split(s) the bill” is very ungracious and embarrassing to the host. If you do not accept the host paying for the bill, it is implying that the host cannot afford it or you do not accept the friendship or hospitality of the host. However, it is expected for the guest to offer to pay for the meal multiple times, but ultimately allow the host to pay. It is also unacceptable to not make any attempt to "fight for" the bill. Not fighting for the bill means you think that the host owes that meal to you somehow. Therefore, if you are the guest, always fight for the bill but never win it on the first meal in your host's hometown. After the first meal at your host's hometown, and sometime before you leave, it is customary to bring the host's family to a meal out to thank them for your stay if you did not bring initial small presents for them when you arrived. For that meal, you may pay, but you must request your host's attendance and cooperation with your covering the bill.

If you and an acquaintance are on a business trip, it is acceptable to split the bill, but more common to rotate who pays for the meal, with meals of similar cost. Though it is a rotation, there is still the same mock-fight for the bill. The difference is that you may say, "Fine fine, since you are my elder, this is fine this time, but the next meal, I cover." Or something to that effect and pay for the next meal. This rotation does not have to be a meal necessarily. For example, you may rotate a meal and a game of golf. The key to the rotation being viewed as acceptable or not, is the enjoyment both parties actually get from the activity, and the approximate cost. Golf would not be an acceptable rotation if the other person does not enjoy golf, is rather bad at it while you are excellent at it, etc.

Chopstick usage

Since chopsticks are often used in many dishes in Chinese cuisine, knowing the correct chopsticks usage is essential. The most common chopsticks usages are the following:

• It does not matter whether you hold the chopsticks in the middle or at the end, but you should make sure that the ends are even.
• Chopsticks are not used to move bowls or plates.
• Chopsticks are not used to toy with one's food or with dishes in common.
• When not in use, chopsticks must always be placed neatly on the table with two sticks lying tidily next to each other at both ends.
• Treat chopsticks as extension of your fingers, and do not point at other people or wave chopsticks around.
• Remember that someone else has to use those chopsticks again later; unless they are disposable, they are usually washed and reused. Being made of porous material, don't do anything gross with them while eating. Ex: Do not suck the tips of chopsticks or pick at your teeth with chopsticks.
• Do not impale food with chopsticks.
• Do not point the chopsticks at another person. This amounts to insulting that person.
• Do not bang your chopsticks as though you were playing a drum. It implies you are a child, or a beggar.
• Do not leave pu tong chopsticks sticking out of a bowl of rice with the front tips down and the back ends of the chopsticks up; it implies the food is for the dead and is disturbing to adults, not just children.
• One should not 'dig' or 'search' through one's food for something in particular. This is sometimes known as "digging one's grave" or "grave-digging" and is extremely poor form.
• When not in use, and if the restaurant provides them, place the front end of the chopsticks on the chopstick rests. These are usually small ceramic rests placed near your napkin on the right hand side of your bowl.

Gong Kuai (Chinese: 公筷)

Photo showing serving chopsticks (gong kuai) on the far right, regular/personal chopsticks (pu tong kuai) between the spoon and the gong kuai, and combination spoon and chopstick rest. Regular chopsticks are usually more plain than serving chopsticks.

At most formal meals, there are likely pairs of what are called 公筷 "gong kuai" in China, Singapore, and Malaysia, called "gong fai" in Hong Kong. These are sets of chopsticks specifically for shared dishes only. Often times, these will be distinct from the "pu tong kuai" (regular chopsticks) in that they will be longer than the regular chopsticks, be of a different color entirely, be decorated at the back, perhaps made of a different type of wood, have handles of ivory and the front end stainless steel, etc. There will sometimes be one set of gong kuai per shared dish, or possibly one set of gong kuai per two or three dishes. The ratio varies. (The following references provide information for this list, as well as additional etiquette and cultural guidelines: 91011 12)

• If there are gong kuai available, do not use your personal chopsticks in shared dishes. Wait your turn. Using your personal chopsticks when there are gong kuai available is the equivalent of spitting in the food and considered unhygienic, as you are transfering your saliva with your chopsticks. By having gong kuai at the table, your guest is expecting you to use them. Do not cross contaminate. If you accidentally start using the shared chopsticks as your own, as soon as you notice it, quickly apologize for it and ask if it would be possible to obtain another pair of shared chopsticks, and place the new pair of shared chopsticks to where they need to be.

• If there are no gong kuai, use the reverse ends of your chopsticks for the shared dishes, and the front end for yourself. Do not mix the two. This is easily achieved by flipping the chopsticks when you switch between what you use and what everyone is sharing. The only exception to this is stainless steel rounded chopsticks. The backends of these types of chopsticks are slippery and difficult to use in the manner prescribed above.

• If in doubt about the public chopsticks situation, watch what the others do. While the guest of honor usually takes the first bite, even if there are no gong kuai, you will be safe if you do not use your chopsticks to touch your lips or your bowl first. If there are not, and you have to start the meal, take a little bit of whatever shared dish is closest to you, and put it in your bowl. Then, invite your guest and others to start too. Right after you take the first mouthful, chew, swallow, and say that it is delicious. This is so they know the food wasn't disagreeable, and that that is not the reason for you waiting. Once you have complimented the food, if you haven't located any gong kuai yet, you could casually talk with your guest so you may wait to see what the other individuals do. Or you can ask the chef for the recipe and watch for the others at the table to locate the gong kuai. If they use gong kuai, you will soon find out where they placed the gong kuai--it may be you simply didn't see the gong kuai because they were between dishes. If they don't use gong kuai and everyone is much more casual, you will find that out soon too. Either way, you have not grossed anyone out, because your saliva hasn't been moved around the shared dishes, and you haven't insulted anyone by sitting there not eating.

• After using the gong kuai, leave the handle side of the gong kuai at an angle neither facing you nor directly at another person. If you leave the handle facing you, it implies you have control over that pair of gong kuai and are guarding the dish or controlling who can eat what. By leaving it generally in the direction of someone else, you are welcoming others to the dish. Try not to leave it pointing directly at someone to your left, your right, or immediately in front of yourself though, and do not point the handles towards the center of the table because that just makes it difficult for other people to get.

• On gong kuai, once the tips have touched food, do not leave the gong kuai on the table. Unlike the personal use chopsticks, gong kuai generally do not have their own chopstick rests. Put the back end on the table, and the front end leaned up against the edge of the dish. This is the opposite of the feeding-the-dead, and it has no meaning behind it, but keeps the tips of the gong kuai clean and is the standard way people leave the gong kuai for public use.

Three Long Two Short (Chinese: 三長兩短)

Pu tong chopsticks should be the same length; there should not be chopsticks for individual use, that are different length, on the table:
in the old times, the below part of Coffin was made with two short boards to the both heads and another three long ones to the bottom and both sides, this type was called “Three Long Two Short”, implied the disaster, so when it is not necessary, for all the things that may described by “long” and “short” it should avoid the saturation of “Three Long Two Short”.

Immortal Guiding (Chinese: 仙人指路)

“Immortal Guiding” means that one uses the thumb, middle finger, ring finger and little finger to hold the chopsticks, but points the index finger to the others. Because the index finger is actually is the finger for meal, using this finger to point to the others stands for censure.
The much worse case is to use the four fingers except middle finger to hold the chopsticks and to use the middle finger to point.

Taboos to using of Teapot

A Chinese porcelain hand painted blue and white teapot 18th Century

• One shouldn’t point the mouth of the teapot to others: this has the same meaning of using the finger to point to somebody, that’s very impolite to the one that be pointed; sometime, it also means that this person (the one be pointed) is not welcome to the house.

• When someone is using a teapot to pour tea for the others, he should hold the teapot with his right hand and press the teapot lid with another hand to show his honour and sedateness. This also prevents the teapot lid from falling into the cup or onto the table.

• If you are not pouring your own tea, but at a restaurant where the service attentative, in the region of south China (especially Canton and Hong Kong) the one who gets the tea uses the knuckles of his first and middle fingers to tap the table two or three times to show his thankfulness. This looks similar to knocking on a door, but don't knock as heavily as if it were a door. It is a tap, not a knock; the motion resembles a knock.

• Using the tea to force the visitor out (Chinese: 端茶送客): there was a rule in Qing Dynasty’s officialdom as “the tea that given by the boss shouldn't be taken”. If the boss give tea to his subordinate by his own hands (normally that would given by a servant), that means he is impatient to the subordinate, and the subordinate should leave immediately. If the boss is visiting the subordinate by his house, the subordinate must not give the tea to the boss by his own hands, either, because that’s very impolite and means to force the visitor out.

See also

• Culture of China
• Chinese cuisine
• Chopsticks
• Westerners
• Etiquette in Asia

References

Ref. 8

Ref. 9

Ref. 10

Ref. 11 page 164

Ref. 12 page 69-71