Talk:Klazomania

Room For Improvement

This article could be improved if it included what effects Klazomania can have on you life, pictures, or explained exactly what, if any, limitations there may be to the compulsive shouting. Dingmana (talk) 22:10, 18 September 2011 (UTC)

Copied from User talk:NeuroJoe/BI481 Spring 2011

I see your students have been working on this article in sandbox. My experience with student projects in the past has been that they do not engage on article talk, so I'm posting here instead, although I'll repeat this conversation at Talk:Klazomania and hope the students will follow it there.

The work on cursory glance looks reasonable (I haven't examined it in detail yet for close paraphrasing, copyvio, and correct use of secondary peer-reviewed sources per WP:MEDRS, but what stands out right away are the following:

1. Most significantly, the article lead has been eliminated: see WP:LEAD.
2. The article sections should conform with Wikipedia:MEDMOS#Diseases or disorders or syndromes; some of them are misnamed, some text could be better placed, History should not be first, and the order of sections could be improved to comply with WP:MEDMOS. A good deal of text needs to be moved around.
3. PMIDs are missing for verification that secondary sources are used and primary sources are not overused. I'll work on adding those, but it would be helpful if your students viewed this Dispatch on "Sources in biology and medicine".
4. Sourcing: the Merck Manual is not a good source for medical articles, and there are secondary peer reviewed sources that have been neglected. Please have your students review WP:MEDRS and the Dispatch above.
5. See WP:MEDMOS wrt audience-- words like "sufferers" for example are better replaced with neutral words like "individuals".
6. I'll fix the faulty footnote placement (students may want to review WP:FN, footnotes go after punctuation except dashes).
7. Much attention is needed to wikilinking.
8. The bottom of the article was wiped out along with the lead.

Finally, if your students would post a note to article talk when they are working in sandbox, their work can be guided by others and may be more productive and efficient. It's a very nice start, and I hope this list will help the article become even better, in line with Wikipedia medical standards.

Regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 01:32, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

Specifics

1. The subject generally appears angry during these attacks,

   Please provide the exact text from the source: I doubt that this is "generally" true, although it may sometimes be true.

2. The discussion (now under "Classification") of klazomania as a tic or compulsion needs clarification for the average reader, who likely isn't aware of the fuzzy border between tics and compulsions (in fact, even I had a hard time understanding what the writers were intending to say here).
3. Further, if klazomania is a tic, then this statement needs adjusting:

   Studies have shown that klazomania is similar to Tourette syndrome and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which involve tics and compulsions

   Is it a tic or isn't it? Is it thought to a tic or a compulsion? Regardless, is it "similar" to TS an OCD, or is it a "symptom" (just like other tics and compulsions) of TS and OCD? Studies have shown it to be similar "how"? No idea what this sentence is intending to say; please place the exact text from the source here on talk and I'll parse it.

4. There is a misplaced citation here which gives rise to WP:COPYVIO concern; did it come from another article? What is it supposed to be? Copying text from sources is a good way to get into trouble ala WP:PARAPHRASE. Please fix the (4) and avoid copying text from other articles, if that's where it came from:

   One hypothesis researchers have produced is that klazomania originates in the periaqueductal gray matter in the mesencephalon (4) ...

   This was an oversight on our part. We were marking where citations needed to go and I missed replacing this one with the proper citation. It should be fixed now. Fowlerta (talk) 03:10, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

5. What is "sham rage"?
6. The weakest section is text that is now all under "Pathophysiology" (once the text is cleaned up, it may result that the text doesn't belong there, in fact, in the article at all, too much detail, but hard to tell until it's linked and copyedited). It is in need of linking (see WP:MOSLINK, avoid WP:OVERLINKing).
7. Does " ... then send a weaker inhibitory gabaergic ... " intend to be "gabaminergic"?
8. What is this article? I can't locate it in PubMed, and there are far better (and freely available) Leckman articles describing tics. I can't find a PMID for this:

   Marsh R, Leckman JF, Bloch MH, Yazgan Y, Peterson BS. "Tics and Compulsions: Disturbances of Self-Regulatory Control in the Development of Habitual Behaviors". Neurodevelopmental Aspects of Clinical Disorders: 717–37.{{cite journal}}: CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link)

9. Ditto, I can't locate this article indexed at PubMed, so can't tell if it is a secondary review or a primary study:

   Bates GDL; Lampert I; Prendergast M; Van Woerkom AE (1996). "Klazomania: The screaming tic". Neurocase 2 (1): 31-34.

10. Sourcing problem: a 1987 case report is not an adequate source for this statement in 2011 (besides that I can't tell what the sentence is trying to say, even after cleaning it up-- clarify pls?):

    While klazomania is associated with other complex phonic tics, research focused on the disease has suggested that the rare brain inflammatory disease encephalitis lethargica—and only a few individuals diagnosed with encephalitis lethargica placed under research observation—have exhibited klazomaniac symptoms.

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:58, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

Hi SandyGeorgia,

Thanks for the feedback! That was very quick. One thing, I believe we are planning to add a LEAD later tonight and just hadn't gotten around to it, but hopefully we will have something better up later on. Otherwise, thank you so much for all of your feedback and we will definitely get on it.

Fowlerta (talk) 02:58, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

Excellent-- I didn't want to leave the article "naked", so I plopped back in the old lead. I'm tired for now, not nearly done, but will go to bed and leave you all time to work on what I've listed so far. Nice start, and a fine article will result if we can work through some of this. Best, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:00, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

PS, if I had known you all were still working, I would have waited-- it's a good idea to let others know on talk when you're working in sandbox :) I see the new lead is in-- it needs some copyediting and some wikilinking. For example, "is a neurological disorder attributed to compulsive shouting" can't be correct :) I'll check in tomorrow-- nice work so far. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 03:08, 2 November 2011 (UTC)