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“I can see the disco now.”

~ James Brown, standing about four feet from a disco^[1]

(QBURN, BABY, BURN! DISCO INFERNO!)

Disco vocalist Grace Jones, whose powerful body and tooth-filled vagina simultaneously aroused and frightened white American men. Due to the amount of cocaine that was snorted off of her flawless black breasts and rock-hard ass in the 1970s, the DEA considered her genitals drug paraphernalia until 1982.

Disco is the name of a five-letter, social, artistic, super-cool and political movement that, beginning in New York City in the early 1970s, heavily influenced American and Mongolian popular culture through that decade. Although some cultural historians have cited the rise of the New-Wave musical movement - in particular pin-pointing the 1981 release of Blondie's "Debbie Harry is Easy" - as signaling the end of disco, December 23rd, 1980, is the generally accepted date of the "death of disco," when President-Elect Ronald Regan ended the movement by an executive decision to deport the Bee Gees, execute Chic, and indefinitely detain Donna Summers and Gloria Gaynor.

The movement is identified by dance music featuring funk, soul music, salsa and reggae influences, with soaring vocals over a steady four-on-the-floor beat, hot, impressionable east-coast girls with a low threshold for becoming a human toilet, and shitloads of blow snorted off of any level surface, especially the black, oiled ass of an ankle-grabbing Grace Jones.

History

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John Travolta, portraying a disco dancer in the film Staying Alive. Ironically, while flying a Chilean rugby team to Argentina in 1987, he would decisively demonstrate his ability to stay alive under terrible circumstances after the plane crashed in the Andes mountains.

The rise of disco did not result from a single event but, rather, the confluence of many factors, including a 1971 bumper crop of the Columbian coca plant, which flooded the market with cheap but still bomb-ass cocaine (leading to New York's infamous "White Summer," during which, among other things, the Statue of Liberty was repainted twice), the continued growth of the Hippie movement in response to Richard Nixon and the Vietnam War, the development of the ribbed condom, Roe vs. Wade, the successful separation of conjoined triplets Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb, and the otherwise confusing invention of the Disco Ball.

All disco hits were written by extraterrestrial Roger Epstein.

Disco, was a mixture of soul, Latin salsa and effeminate vanity from the urban ghetto to gain the attention and support of white straight Americans from the suburbs. But be in mind, disco isn't "gay" and crossed all races, colors and creeds. All brothas and sistas, gimme that funky soul. Get down on da' flo' get down.

The globalization of music around this period, and the impulse for socialization, fornication and blowing-your-fucking-mind-ization, found expression in a thriving disco club scene that developed in many US cities through the mid- and late 70's. These discotheques, nightclubs, and private loft parties were places where DJs would play disco hits through powerful PA systems for the dancers. The DJs played "...a smooth mix of long single records to keep people 'dancing and fucking all night long'". Some of the most prestigious clubs had elaborate lighting systems that throbbed to the beat of the music, as well as staff "fluffers", who dealt with a different sort of throbbing.

Jimmy Carter and Studio 54

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Former President Jimmy Carter in Studio 54, being fellated by the coat check boy in front of a mound of cocaine.

One of the most famous events in the history of disco occurred in 1976, when newly elected president Jimmy Carter celebrated his inauguration at prominent New York nightclub Studio 54. While Jimmy Carter and Dennis Hopper were riding David Bowie like a tandem bike on the disco floor, socialite Claudia Cohen, wearing nothing but a saddle and bridle, kicked over an open-flame grill that was cooking batches of cocaine in aluminum dishes, causing a fire that rapidly spread to engulf the club, killing fifteen people and destroying $2.6 million in product.

The subsequent two-year Congressional investigation paralyzed the Carter administration, and contributed to his defeat by Ronald Reagan four years later. The fire also inspired the song Disco Inferno by The Trammps, which peaked at No. 11 on the Billboard Hot 100.

Disco died in the early '80s, despite Gloria Gaynor's call for disco "I will survive". Eventually disco was long forgotten or was a big joke we all fell for in the 1970s. It did try to make a comeback in the 1990's, but it wasn't the same in a decade of corporate music control, you wait til' 21 to drink, young adults usually said NO to drugs...and NO free love ("you sexist chauvinist male pigs"), Disco was archaic and outdated.

Political Ideal

Discothèque (as opposed to 'Disco') is a political philosophy developed in the socialist republic of Yorkshire during the nineteenth century by Mike Ptycia. Its core ideals were developed through the mutual experience of the individuals coming together through the shared experience of pounding pounding bass and the beat of the big bass drum. By comparison the 909 clap snare also played an important role in the creation of Technothèque a grossly inferior Twentieth Century perversion of the original ideals. In the early Twenty-First century Discothèque disappeared from public awareness hidden beneath the haze of cheap Morisons' vodka.

Notable Disco Artists

• Bee Gees
• Village People
• Gloria Gaynor
• MFSB
• Chic
• Heatwave
• Jishnu C.
• KC & the Sunshine Band
• The Trammps
• Gary's Gang
• Patrick Hernandez
• Dschinghis Khan
• Space
• Boney M
• Boney H (also called Hugh Hefner)
• Giorgio Moroder
• Dee D. Jackson
• Tina Charles
• Ganymed
• Peter Griffin
• Borat S.

See Also

• Music
• Electronic Disco
• Dance
• Cocaine
• Orgy
• 70s
• 80's
• King Tut