Wikipedia talk:Featured article review/Minneapolis/archive1

SG review

Reviewing this version. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:10, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

SandyGeorgia, thank you a thousand times for all your work. You have uncovered some uncited history. I ordered two books and hope to have a cited history done in the next week. First they have to get here. Sorry for the delay. -SusanLesch (talk) 22:56, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

SusanLesch Not to worry; there is no rush at FAR. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 23:34, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your note. Everything's cited now but I still have a row to hoe with your review. -SusanLesch (talk) 19:05, 8 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

OK, let me know when it's time for me to re-engage. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:17, 8 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Will do. I'm sorry this will take more time. Wikipedia needs more Minnesota editors. -SusanLesch (talk) 00:03, 14 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Dakota natives, city founded

The first sentence is material that is not contained in the next citation, and how do we know they were the "sole" occupants?
The next two sentences are also uncited.
In 1805 Zebulon Pike negotiated with the Dakota for 100,000 acres of land where present-day Minneapolis resides in the first Treaty of St. Peters with the agreement a military fort could be built.
present-day Minnesota does not reside in the first Treaty of St. Peters -->
Zebulon Pike negotiated with the Dakota in the 1805 first Treaty of St. Peters for a 100,000 acres of land, with the agreement a military fort could be built there; present-day Minneapolis resides on that land.
100,000 acres needs a {{convert}}
In 1819, the US Army built Fort Snelling at the southern edge of present-day Minneapolis ... here, we are repeating present-day Minneapolis only one sentence later; the whole thing needs better integration from the start.
Zebulon Pike negotiated with the Dakota in the 1805 first Treaty of St. Peters for a 100,000 acres of land, with the agreement a military fort could be built there; in 1819, the US Army built Fort Snelling on that land at the southern edge of present-day Minneapolis, to direct Native American trade away from British-Canadian traders, and to deter warring between the Dakota and Ojibwe in northern Minnesota.
The mention of the Ojibwe here is part of why I question the "sole" in the first sentence. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:23, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
The US government pressed the Dakota to sell their land ... More of their land? Different land than the Fort Snelling land ? How much more land? Where in relation to Minneapolis and Snelling ... As it reads now, it implies they never sold the Fort Snelling land-- is that the case? I'm confused.
were negotiated by corrupt officials ... corrupt officials of/from (what?)
their terms were rarely honored --> rarely honored by whom?
During the American Civil War, officials plundered annuities promised ... what officials (Minnesota, local, US government, a certain bureau)??
The Dakota were interned and exiled from Minnesota --> this is Minnesota-wide and the Dakota War centers on Southern Minnesota ... can we add a clause to somehow relate this to Minneapolis. How can we relate the whole Dakota War/expulsion which was more related to southwestern Minnesota back to Minnapolis Dakotans?
the toll bridge cost pedestrians three cents .. should have an inflation equivalent for today. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:38, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lumber, waterpower, and flour milling

Water power from St. Anthony's Falls led to the growth of the lumber and flour milling industies in Minneapolis and Minnesota; why isn't the section heading more logical, as in, Water power, lumber and flower milling? I can't decipher why the two industries would straddle the driver. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 13:41, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Towns built in western Minnesota with Minneapolis lumber shipped their wheat back to the city for milling.[43] -->
Towns built in western Minnesota with lumber from Minneapolis sawmills shipped their wheat back to the city for milling.[43]
Growing use of steam power freed lumbermen and their sawmills from the falls. --> ??? -->
Growing use of steam power freed lumbermen and their sawmills from dependence on the falls.
Minneapolis riverfront describes the use of water power in ... well into the section, we find the first link to water power (which differs from the section heading, that uses the word as one); can the link be worked in earlier, and the heading should be water power as in the body.
1893, fire spread from Nicollet Island to Boom Island to northeast Minneapolis where the Grain Belt Brewery stopped it. --> How does a brewery (building) stop a fire (ie, did people stop the fire, what about the brewery stopped the fire?)
valuable ($0.50 profit per barrel in 1871, increased to $4.50 in 1874), --> give at least one inflation equivalent in today's dollars.
Mention of Washburn-Crosby with no definition of who or what that is. One discovers a link, Washburn Crosby Company, that redirects to General Mills. Define Washburn-Crosby as whatever it is -- a precursor to General Mills? A company later acquired by General Mills? We have Washburn in the article, but no Crosby, and no idea what Washburn-Crosby is.
Decades of soil exhaustion, stem rust, and changes in freight tariffs combined to quash the city's flour industry. ... Is that from Lass 238? Or is it a combo summary of multiple sources?
Northern States Power bought the united mill companies in 1923, ... similar to the Washburn-Crosy situation, what are the "united mill companies"? Undefined at this point ... SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:12, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Critical industry

Having read this section, I cannot decipher what the critical industry is or why this section has this as a heading. It looks like it may want to be something like "Other industries develop". SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:13, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Minneapolis Star humorist Don Morrison wrote that the city doubled, tripled, then quadrupled its population every decade, and in 1922, the city's assessed property value was $266 million, "nearly 10 times the price paid for the entire midcontinent in the Louisiana Purchase."[81] After the milling era waned, a "modern, major city"[81] surfaced in 1900, attracted skilled workers,[82] and learned from the university's Institute of Technology.[83]
The humor aspect is lost on me; what am I missing?

How does a city (vs. people) "learn" from an Institute? What did it/they learn?

If "modern, major city" can't be re-phrased, the quote should be attributed ... is this what is meant ... After the milling era waned, the 1900 beginnings of a modern city attracted skilled workers who learned at the university's Institute of Technology ?????
In 1888, a businessman found that itchy wool underwear could be covered in silk. His Minneapolis textile factory lasted a century known as Munsingwear, today as Perry Ellis,[85] and in 1923, was the world's largest manufacturer of underwear.[86]
Was that businessman George D. Munsing ?

the century was not known as Munsingwear.

is this what is meant ???
In 1888, businessman George D. Munsing found that itchy wool underwear could be covered in silk. His Minneapolis textile business—known then as Munsingwear, today as Perry Ellis—lasted a century[85] and in 1923, was the world's largest manufacturer of underwear.
] In 1922, an inventor founded Onan Corporation near downtown Minneapolis[87] that built and sold generators.[88] Prior to a Cummins buyout in 1986,[88] Onan brought electricity to midwestern markets before power lines covered the country, and supplied about half the generator sets the US military used during World War II ... same as above ...
Is this businessman Cummins Onan ??

downtown Minneapolis did not build and sell generators

Is this what is meant ?
In 1922, inventor Cummins Onan founded Onan Corporation (bought by Cummins in 1986), that built and sold generators in Minneapolis. Onan brought electricity to midwestern markets before power lines covered the country, and supplied about half the generator sets the US military used during World War II. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:32, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Minneapolis-Honeywell built a south Minneapolis campus where their experience controlling indoor temperature earned them contracts controlling military servomechanisms like the secret Norden bombsight and the C-1 autopilot.
controlling ... controlling ... vary wording.

what is a "servomechanism"? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 14:37, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Social tensions

Should the section heading be singular? WP:MSH references article titles, and WP:SINGULAR says not to plural.
Historian Iric Nathanson writes that over the course of the 20th century, "Minnesota's major city was able to shed a stultifying social order that inhibited change and entrenched privilege."[104] In many ways, the 20th century was a difficult time of bigotry and malfeasance, beginning with four decades of corruption,[105] followed by attempts to overcome them.
Corruption by whom:

The first two sentences contradict each other, making the final clause then appear as original research. Is this the way to fix that (that is, is this what the passage means to say)?
According to (someone), in many ways, the 20th century in Minneapolis was a difficult time of bigotry and malfeasance, beginning with four decades of corruption [by whom].[105] Historian Iric Nathanson writes that the city "was able to shed a stultifying social order that inhibited change and entrenched privilege" during the 20th century.[104] SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:00, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
How do jump from Ames to the KKK in the same para; there's no transition, what's the connection? How does the rest of that paragraph relate to the topic sentence about a Maternity Hospital? Is the paragraph about crime or health?
Is the four decades of corruption in the first paragraph the same as the four decades mentioned in the third paragraph? If so, the flow needs better merging.
The paragraph beginning with "With a Black population ... " gets a bit mangled wrt history. In 1948, the US Supreme Court held that racially restricted covenants were not enforceable. Although the chilling effects may have lingered, it is unclear what the last sentence (in 2021 the city gave residents a means to discharge them) means, since they were unenforceable anyway. What exactly changed in 2021 relative to the 1948 Supreme Court decision? SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:21, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Structural racism

I made these changes. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:43, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Neighborhoods

Something is off with the puncutation here: I don't know how to fix it since I can't tell what the sentence wants to say (is there a missing dash after neighborhoods?) :
Reflected in the program's policy goals in 1990—that citizens know best the priorities of their own neighborhoods, the city set up the Neighborhood Revitalization Program (NRP), in which every one of the city's eighty-some neighborhoods participated.[177]
What expired in 2011? A UN Habitat adaptation or the actual program? but it expired in 2011 ... the "but" doesn't work ... they UN Habitat changed their mind that it was a good program because it had expired ??? I suspect this is what the sentences want to say, but unsure:
Funded for 20 years with $400 million tax increment financing (TIF), the program caught the eye of UN-Habitat who considered it an example of best practices. The program expired in 2011 and was replaced (when ?) by The Neighborhoods 2020 program; the Neighborhood and Community Relations department took its place (when?) and was funded by city revenue. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 16:53, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
In his budget proposal for 2024, the mayor ... this is the first mention of a mayor; he should be named here.

Demographics

In 1910, there were approximately 2,500 Black residents, and by 1930, Minneapolis had some of the most literate Black residents in the nation.[235][236] ... WP:EXCEPTIONAL claims require multiple high quality sources. This claim has two pages from the same source, a local survey. And it's not a high-quality source: it's the Minnesota Historical Society. Without better sourcing, this claim should go-- we can't compare Minnesota to the entire nation with a local survey. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:14, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
As of 2019, over 20,000 Somalis reside in Minneapolis.[243] ... I am surprised there is not a newer than 2019 number on this. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:17, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Religion

St. Mary's Orthodox Cathedral was founded in 1887; it opened a missionary school and created the first Russian Orthodox seminary in the US.[261] --> this kind of claim cannot be cited to self, needs an independent source. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:29, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Economy

I don't think we need this sentence, not unique to Minnesota: Among the district's responsibilities are to supervise and examine member banks, examine financial institutions, lend to depository institutions, distribute currency and coin, clear checks, operate Fedwire, and serve as a bank for the US Treasury.[276]
The entire para on a Minnesota survey beginning with "The state department of Employment and Economic Development measured the metro area's quality of life compared to 44 metro areas in the US." is hard to understand (high-low vs good-bad), and it is primary sourced. I don't think a MN survey or MN relative to the rest of the country-- which no secondary sourcing-- should be in the article at all. To compare to the rest of the country it should have an independent source and a secondary source. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:40, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Visual arts

Cited to self, and the Walker has its own article; this is not needed here. In 2023, the Walker said that together with the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden across the street, it received more than 700,000 visitors each year.[288]
Ditto; has its own article, and cited to self: Perhaps reflecting the ambitions of the founders, competition winner McKim, Mead & White designed a complex seven times the size of what opened in 1915.[291]

Sports

Can't cite this sort of claim to self: In the 2010s, the Lynx were the most-successful sports team in the city

Parks and recreation

In the bestselling and often-parodied 19th-century epic poem The Song of Hiawatha, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow named Hiawatha's wife Minnehaha for the Minneapolis waterfall.[407] --> First, I find no other source that makes this claim. Second, this kind of claim should have a better source than a small regional museum. Third, I'm not convinced the source supports the text; the source says they share a name. I suggest removing this. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:05, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Has its own article, not needed here (and things like this only create an ongoing need for maintenance): Between 5,000 and 10,000 people per year visited the falls before 1889. Visitors increased to about that many per day after Minnehaha became a park.[408] In 2017, the park received over two million visitors.[409]

Government

City Council has its own article; these (minor level) appointments will change often and don't need to be in this article: Seven political newcomers joined the council in 2022 ... Andrea Jenkins was unanimously elected as the president of the city council in 2022.[419]
Excess detail that will require constant updating and is not needed here: The organization had responded to more than three thousand 911 calls as of September 2022 and was proposed to continue through the 2023–2024 budget year.[429]

Health care

This seems to be excess detail, self-cited, and requiring ongoing maintenance, but we don't seem to have an article to move this to, so ... I guess it stays? In 2022, the Hennepin Healthcare safety net[531] counted 626,000 in-person and 50,586 virtual clinic visits, and 87,731 emergency room visits.[533]

Done! Susanlesch I know this looks daunting, but work now saves work later. Once the article passes FAR, it's likely to be re-run at WP:TFA. Best regards, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:01, 30 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]