Help:Buying Wikipedia/How to meet Jerry

Jerry
A picture of Jerry. He notoriously does not like having his face plastered all over the internet, so he's wearing sunnies with a beanie and mask.
Born	He won't tell me Berlin, Germany (disputed)
Occupation	Burger flipper
Known for	The cheeseburgers you need to cook to buy Wikipedia

So, you want to meet Jerry? You can meet him by following these steps precisely in this order. Jerry will help you cook the necessary cheeseburgers to buy Wikipedia if you follow this process.

Jerry keeps his special cheeseburger recipe more securely guarded than even the Krabby Patty Secret Formula. These steps may seem absurd, but if you would like to buy Wikipedia, you need to deliver the WMF these exact cheeseburgers.

1. Ensure that the calendar date and time is February 19, at 4:27 PM Moscow Time. Any time before and or after doesn't work, and you'll have to wait until the next February 19 passes.
2. At that time, purchase an airline ticket which transports you, five days after you purchase the ticket, to Terminal 5 at Stockholm Arlanda International Airport as close to 3:21 PM Central Daylight Time as possible. Take the flight you just purchased and any necessary connecting flights. Jerry is a very frugal man; he will not reimburse you for any travel costs sustained at any time. He will, however, advocate on your behalf if you do need to pass through customs.
3. From there, make an appointment with Jerry's personal supplier of special Swedish-style cartelized onions; Jerry will provide you the details. You can only book appointments at a special kiosk within the Terminal 5 baggage claim. The nearest known pick-up point for these special onions in Stockholm is at Mörby centrum metro station; if that happens to be closed or unavailable for whatever reason, check the northern regions of Linköping. If no luck, look for Jerry's special onions in other places. Uppsala, Gävle, Kalmar, Gothenburg, and Söderhamn are all known to have delivery points.
4. Once you do find the special onions, book a flight, cruise, or ferry to Mariehamn. Jerry's magical cheese for his cheeseburgers have such a secret recipe that the storage of the only known copy for how to make such a splendid version of cheese is stored across the world from where they're actually produced. Look for a vending machine on the island and randomly purchase cans of soda until you find a can labeled "Jerry's cheese recipe". The can's outside should look similar to a 2012-era can of Coca-Cola.
5. Upon retrieving the special cheese recipe, use any legal and reasonable means necessary to get to a commercial airport. Take a flight to Valdivia, Chile, and provide the recipe to the El Segundo Cheese Manufacturing Plant and Self Storage Supply Shop. Just hand the copy of the recipe you got in Mariehamn and sign the documents that the owner (his name is Oscar, and if he's sadly passed away, ask for one of his sons) provides to you; the cheese will be shipped to your final destination as outlined later in here.
6. Jerry hereby requests that all people get some mountaineering training prior to you finally meeting him. Rent a Ferrari California T from a local rental car center and take it up to the highest point within Santiago. From there, plant a flag with the logo of every known Wikimedia project within 50 meters of the highest point and proclaim to the Sun that you are to be the forever and ever future owner of Wikipedia, and that you pledge your own and the Wikimedia Foundation's allegiance to the Sun. You must complete this procedure after confirming the cheese will be shipped to your final destination, but before proceeding with Step 7, or any later step. Have someone notarize your completion, and publish a video to YouTube or TikTok of you fulfilling Step 6 to satisfy the proof requirements. Such video should be titled "I love you jerry :) #buyingwikipedia".
7. Time to travel again! This time, take a flight to San Francisco, and ensure you have a Clipper card before you touch American soil. Load the card with at least $103.28 but no more than $103.39. Jerry's special agent will meet you at SFO BART wearing an oversized white T-shirt saying "No angry mastodons" in all caps blue text. She will check to ensure that your Clipper card has the designated amount previously stated in this step. If your card doesn't, you must start over and repeat the process all over again. If your card does, move on to step eight. If you intentionally or accidentally try to avoid Jerry's agent, you will be fined by BART Police and have to start the entire process of meeting Jerry all over again.
8. Good! You had the required amount of money on your Clipper card. Take a BART train to Powell Street and after that, take a Muni Metro train on the M Ocean View line to West Portal Station. Jerry has already bought out all the BART and Muni security cameras using extra tip money in the past. If he catches you transferring to the Muni Metro at any station other than Powell Street, he will send you an email with a troll face; you will then be required to start the process all over again. From there, you'll meet Jerry's son, Berry, at a coffee shop located within 300 feet of the intersection of West Portal and Vicente. Berry will be found wearing a jacket bearing the logo of Royal Dutch Shell. Ask him on how to retrieve the special patties that Jerry requests in order to make his special hamburgers. He'll give you directions to the appropriate location.
9. Proceed to pick up the special hamburger patties at the location Berry tells you to travel to; it changes its address all the time to avoid being attacked by the mob, who for some reason have an addiction to Jerry's hamburgers. You must arrive to the burger plant driving a 2007 Toyota Highlander, though the plant's security forces will also accept (albeit they may scorn you a bit) you arriving in a 1929 Ford Model A. You are also required to show up wearing a giant oversized blue T shirt with giant red text reading "Предположим недобросовестность". Sign the paper work and the patties will be delivered to your final destination.
10. Jerry also requires special salt to be used on the burgers. The salt is only manufactured in Reno, Nevada, though the supplier is able to deliver to certain buildings in certain cities. In San Francisco, such a building is located at 715 Harrison Street. On the second floor, there should be two MacBook Pros and a bag of salt waiting for you. Punch in code 8565 at the door to be granted access inside. Don't take anything else that was originally in the room out of the room or put anything that wasn't there in there during your visit; get the salt and go. Refrain from picking it up on weekends; also, the owner of the building, Jerry's third cousin once removed Perry, hosts a nightclub on those nights and REALLY doesn't like people going into his property during nightclub hours.
11. Now for the condiments. These are manufactured in the suburbs of Astana, Kazakhstan. You must pick these up in person, though Berry will arrange for you private transportation after your meeting in Step 8. Sign the papers, and pack at least ten suitcases filled with them.

    

    Visual representation of what you should do in order to fulfill Step 12

12. Lastly, to your final destination: Berlin, Germany. Jerry would personally like to see your dedication to buying Wikipedia in person, as YouTube and TikTok just can't cut it. Get to Berlin by the 15th of August, and on that day at 20:03 Pacific Time, climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-Man. Hold a massive sign while you do it. If you have extra time before you make the climb, consider buying a cup of black coffee for Jerry.
13. Once you complete your climb, Jerry will meet you face-to-face. You must perform the Secret handshake listed under section 348 B-27a of the Wikipedia Policies and Guidelines instruction handbook with him. If you perform the handshake incorrectly, you must start over with new ingredients. Jerry is willing but not forgiving. Perform the handshake correctly, and he will drive you personally to his burger plant where you'll get to work with him. Jerry will supply the rest of the ingredients on his end. The burgers should be delivered to Montgomery Street BART, which is right under the WMF Headquarters. Follow the steps as further outlined in Help:Buying Wikipedia to continue. The final transfer of ownership must be in Kansas City; you're just sending the hamburgers to San Francisco.

That's it! Have fun meeting Jerry, and good luck in your quest to buy Wikipedia! And remember, if you ever fail to follow the steps correctly or abort the process early, you will be hunted down by our Wikipedia Purchase Management team!

External links

• Jerry's userpage