Talk:Alessandra Vieira/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 14:21, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 13:02, 6 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I may use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Links

Prose

Lede

Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) practitioner and coach. Widely regarded as one of the pioneers of women's Brazilian jiu-jitsu - in general, if you shorten something (here to BJJ), you should then use that shortening whenever you use the main title, so we don't need the full title a second time. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:33, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done true, it was too many mentions of the term, rephrased it. Lewolka (talk) 13:21, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
she became in 1999 the first-ever female black belt Brazilian jiu-jitsu World champion - Our article World IBJJF Jiu-Jitsu Championship suggests there was a female event in 1998? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:33, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done added a sourced note to explain that the 1998 world champion was a purple belt. Lewolka (talk) 13:22, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Vieira is a three-time World champion, four-time Pan American champion[a] as well as an ADCC Submission Fighting World Championship finalist. - can we expand? Probably wise to put the years she won. Lede's don't need to be ultra short. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 10:33, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done it now comes to two paragraphs, the total length of the article is pretty short Lewolka (talk) 13:24, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

General

Alessandra Vieira de Souza was born on March 14, 1976, in São Pedro dos Ferros, Minas Gerais, Brazil. - birthdates and locations always need a direct citation. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done Lewolka (talk) 13:24, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
link handball. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done Lewolka (talk) 13:24, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Brazilian jiu-jitsu (BJJ) under Aloisio Silva, black belt under Carlos Gracie, founder of Dojo jiu-jitsu - I get that sayig "under" is a usual wording for Martial Arts, but it doesn't read well. Perhaps trained BJJ under the tutilidge of Aloisio Silva, a blackbelt trained by Carlos Gracie. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done rephrased it Lewolka (talk) 13:45, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Link the individual belts on first usage. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done Lewolka (talk) 13:24, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
then the following year, the Pan American for the first time. - this doesn't make sense. Presumably she won the Pan American tournament? Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done First one of many but changed it to simply "won the championship" for clarity. Lewolka (talk) 13:28, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
becoming the first female black belt world champion - as per the issue in the lede - the cited source doesn't contain this info (unless google has poorly translated).Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done had the wrong source, replaced it Lewolka (talk) 13:25, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
After promoting Cindy Omatsu in 2002, she became the first female to promote another female to BJJ black belt - the word "another" here is confusing. It makes it seem like after Cindy she'd promoted a second person. Perhaps "In 2002, she promoted Cindy Omatsu to black-belt, the first woman to promote another woman to the BJJ black belt." or similar Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done changed female to woman Lewolka (talk) 13:29, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
In 2005 she faced Kyra Gracie in the ADCC Submission Fighting World Championship final losing on points after a 16-minute match for the woman's under 60 kilograms (130 lb) title - we completely glossed over her winning world titles, not mentioning who she beat or anything, but we've gone into depths as to how long this final was and how she lost. It feels a bit weird to me. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
because Kyra Gracie is one of the greatest champion in the sport, that's the reason one we have citations for that fight and not for the other ones, she lost that one but then she managed to defeat her the next time they met, we have citations for both fights. Lewolka (talk) 13:36, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
The pieces in the awards for her hall of fame inductions should absolutely be in both the lede and the body. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done United States Martial Art Hall of Fame is by far the most prestigious Lewolka (talk) 13:25, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I have the same issue with the lineage that I did with the other article, in that it needs explaining with prose. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done added explanation and another source Lewolka (talk) 13:26, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
3 x Adult division, 1 x Master 3 - very informal, needs a citation. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:14, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Done Lewolka (talk) 13:26, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Review meta comments

I'll begin the review as soon as I can! If you fancy returning the favour, I have a list of nominations for review at WP:GAN and WP:FAC, respectively. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these if you get time. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 13:02, 6 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]
@Lee Vilenski Thanks again for digging into another article of mine! let me know if you think the modifications work. Best Lewolka (talk) 13:49, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.