Talk:Battle of Drepana/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 20:27, 11 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria

1. Well-written

Prose clear/concise/understandable

Spelling/Grammar

Handful of minor errors, detailed below

MOS lead

MOS layout

2. Verifiable

No OR

NO COPYVIO

None detected

List of references properly formatted

Inline citations from reliable sources

3. Broad in coverage

Covers main aspects

Stays on topic

4. Neutral Y

5. Stable Y

6. Illustrated if possible

Media tagged for copyright status with appropriate fair-use rationales

Media relevant

Comments

Lead "Adherbal was able to lead his fleet out to sea before they were trapped and counter attacked." - My instinct would be to think that "it" not "they" would be a better adjective since fleet is the subject, but I may be wrong.

What a tactful way of pointing out my semi-literacy. You are, of course, correct. Changed.

Also, I had to read this sentence about five times before I was able to decode the exact meaning (maybe lack of caffeine for me, but I kept thinking that "trapped and counter attacked" was a single phrase, which is contrary to what happened in the battle). Is there a clearer way to phrase this?

Fair point. Tweaked. See what you think.

Ships "During this period" - I can tell that this is referring to the period of the First Punic War, but since this discussion comes after the sources discussion, and not connected to the rest of the narrative, it would probably be best to be more specific than "this period" just to start out the paragraph.

Changed "period" to 'war'. Does that work better?

Operations in Sicily Cape Hermaeum is a redlink. I'm presuming this has a decent shot at passing GNG, and if so the redlink should be kept to encourage article creation. If not, then the wikilinks should probably be removed.

Yeah, it has. I'll probably create it myself one day. (The main reason I haven't is that I have only ever created five articles and all are FAs; this one will never make a FA and so would spoil my record. A selfish and unwikipedian rationale I accept.)

"In 250 BC the Carthaginians attempted to recapture the Sicilian city of Panormus (modern Palermo) but was defeated with the loss of 20,000–30,000 men" - "Carthaginians" is plural, and "was" is used when referring to the singular case. There's several ways this can be corrected, so I'll let you choose.

Well picked up. Thank you. Corrected.

Aftermath Carthalo (admiral) is a redlink, same advice as above.

"The immense effort of building 1,000 galleys during the war laid the foundation for Rome's maritime dominance for 600 years" - This just feels odd to me. This appears to be the only mention of this event in the article, but the wording almost presumes a reference to this. Maybe a small wording tweak here.

True, true. Reworded. See what you think.

External links WP:ELNO point number 11 suggests not external linking to blogs. The external link about the Sacred Chickens of Rome adds additional information, but it claims itself as a blog. Unless Sheridan is a recognized expert in the subject matter, this is probably not an appropriate external link.

Sadly not. His PhD is in number theory. Deleted. Poor chickens.

Okay, that's about it. Great work overall, just a few small things that need addressed. Hog Farm (talk) 03:35, 12 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Hog Farm, many thanks for going through this, and especially for being so thorough. I am intending to push this one further, so if there is anything else you would like to comment on, no matter how pernickety, feel free. Meanwhile your points above have all been addressed. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:25, 12 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Gog the Mild: Thanks for improving articles like this one. All my concerns have been addressed satisfactorily. Really interesting article (I'd never heard of Rome's Sacred Chickens before). Passing as a GA now. Hog Farm (talk) 17:34, 12 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]