Talk:Birth of a New Day/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:23, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Reviewing this to cut down on the number of album GAs that have been in the queue since 2020! --K. Peake 07:23, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Remove venue parameter from the infobox, as that is for live recordings
Recording date is unsourced
Remove electronic and experimental from genres since they're not sourced
The language is Japanese, not Mandarin Chinese
Remove directors since they are not noted in the infoboxes for albums
The audio sample should be at the end of the section for the music instead, as it is okay for media to overlap into the below section
[1] should not be in the lead, as the sourcing is not required
Remove wikilink on studio album
"by English-American electronic music duo of" → "by English-American electronic duo 2814, consisting of" and remove the "both collaborating" part because things will have been switched around to name the duo first
Wikilink record label
"The duo stated that they wanted the record" → "2814 stated that they wanted it"
"with its themes being mainly a reflection of HKE's" → "with the themes mainly reflecting HKE's"
"also the first physical release of the label;" → "also the record label's first physical release;"
Add the release years of the albums in brackets; however, they are not sourced as being among the genre's most popular releases and neither is the album
Change the bit about it being positively received to a new sentence, reading: "The album received generally positive reviews from music critics," then adding what was praised
Target cult classic to Cult following
Only Vice is sourced as being one of the publications where it gained recognition as a vaporwave album
"the best-selling dreampunk album" → "the best-selling dreampunk album of all time"

Background

Wikilink vaporwave
The source does not back up HKE's former alias or Telepath's translation name; add the appropriate source(s) that do source these things
"under the alias 2814." → "under the alias of 2814."
"Although receiving positive reception," → "Although it received positive reception,"
"previous self-titled debut album had gained" → "previous self-titled debut studio album (2014) gained"
No source mentions it gaining small recognition on the internet
"described by the duo" → "being described by the duo"
"at the time"." → "at the time."" for consistency
"This was not the first..." remove this up until the date because Fragmented Memories was released after the debut album
"in September 1, 2015," → "On September 1, 2015,"
"was released under the alias" → "was released by HKE and Telepath under the alias of"
"which also included other vaporwave producers" → "which included fellow vaporwave producers"
"bodyline and other artists." → "bodyline, and other artists."
"Prior to the album's release," → "Prior to the release of Birth of a New Day,"
Remove "in the scene" part since we already know you are referring to the vaporware community
"as the best producer of the genre" → "as the genre's best producer of all time"
"his album" → "Telepath's debut studio album"
The trans-title should be italicised too since it's still an album title
Remove "being described by some commentators..." per WP:SOURCE on fan comments
Merge the second paragraph with the third para since the former is only two sentences long, plus it is relevant to the third para's information
"In January 10, 2015, eleven days" → "On January 10, 2015, 11 days" per MOS:NUM
"he compares both albums," → "he compared both albums,"
Target minimal to Minimal music
"While believing that his solo album" → "While believing the album"
"he states that it is" → "he stated that it is"
"although later pointing that this makes" → "although later pointed out how this makes"
"a bit more melancholic"." → "a bit more melancholy."" since that is what the source actually says
"he also notes how the themes of" → "he also noted how most of the themes of"
"3 months before the release" → "Three months before the release"
"should do is" → "should aim to do is make"
"He further points out that in" → "He further pointed out that with"
"to depict a feeling" → "to depict an image"
Introduction to what NeonVice is for is not needed
"HKE states that the album" → "HKE stated that the album"
"to 2814's debut album; he notes" → "to 2814; he noted"
"Telepath feel they" → "Telepath felt they"
"the album since finishing the mastering process in December 2014." → "Birth of a New Day since finishing it in December 2014." because the source does not specifically state what the finishing touches were
"HKE further points out" → "HKE further pointed out"
"the futuristic ambiance and atmosphere of their first album," → "the futuristic ambiance of its predecessor," with the target

Musical style, writing, and composition

Retitle to Musical style and composition, plus swap with recording and production in the section order
Target ambient to Ambient music on the first audio sample's text, but remove the Bandcamp public part per WP:SOURCE
"the 5th track of the album," → "the fifth track of the album," on the second audio sample's text, but the parts about its sound in comparison to the other songs is not backed up; either add the appropriate source(s) or reword to still talking about the sound but with no comparisons
Add release year of the album in brackets on the img and target looped to Loop (music)
Even though both genres are sourced, it is not mentioned that the album was one of the first vaporwave release to be considered as the other genre
Remove wikilink on ambient music in prose
"states that in this album, he and Telepath wanted the album to" → "stated that for the album, he and Telepath wanted to"
"create a futuristic dream and world" → "create a futuristic dream world"
"It is unclear whether..." remove the part of this sentence leading up to the first comma per WP:SYNTH
"since the duo often presents the album" → "The duo has presented Birth of a New Day"
"neon utopia", but" → "neon utopia," but" with the wikilink
"but HKE frequently states in interviews that his" → "but HKE stated his"
"have played a major role in the album's production;" → "played a major role in the production;"
"HKE stated in another interview that" → "he stated in an interview that"
"looped over for 5-9 minutes each," → "looped for 5-9 minutes each," with the target, but none of this sentence is backed up
Add release year of the album in brackets
"having 10-minute and 13-minute lengths respectively." → "having lengths of 10 and 13 minutes, respectively."
In cases like the above sentence, it is acceptable to not have sources that write out the info since it is backed up by the audio
"The album is notable for" → "Birth of a New Day is notable for"
"in the album's entire runtime.)" → "throughout the entirety of the album.)"
[16][14] should be put in numerical order and add [4] here before them because the album has not been sourced as vaporwave since the last para
"the 7th track of the album," → "the seventh track of the album," on the third audio sample's text
The first letter of Mandarin should be capitalised and target to Mandarin Chinese, plus source or remove the "Recovery" part
"with the Rolling Stone magazine, on November 2015," → "with Rolling Stone magazine in November 2015,"
"demonstrates how much his worldviews have influenced the album;" → "demonstrated how much his worldviews influenced Birth of a New Day;"
"not consuming any type" → "he confirmed to not consuming any type"
"also noticing his" → "and he also noticed his"
"sleep paralysis and hallucinations since young age." → "sleep paralysis, and hallucinations since a young age."
"He relates that he sits in" → "He related that he does sit in"
"HKE also states that" → "HKE also stated that"
"pointing out that he has" → "pointing out how he has"
"that he has" → "which he has"
"he describes his music" → "he described his music"
"In the album's Bandcamp page," → "On the album's Bandcamp page,"

Recording and production

"as a production technique:" → "as a production technique;"
Remove Rolling Stone introduction since you have already mentioned that interview, but keep HKE's comments nevertheless
"HKE talks about how" → "HKE talked about how"
"that could not be classified as plunderphonics, stating that the duo" → "that did not use the technique, stating 2814"
"rather than relying on" → "rather than solely relying on"
"He points out that" → "HKE pointed out that"
""cool", he has" → ""cool," he has"
"focusing on the surreal futurismo and" → "focusing on the dreaminess and surreal futurism, and"
"with the website NeonVice, when" → "with NeonVice, when"
"HKE says although" → "HKE said that despite"
"slowed-down reverberated samples," → "slowed-down samples,"
"retro video game consoles and meaningless" → "retro video game consoles, and "meaningless"" with the target
"a writer from the website Tiny Mix Tapes," → "a writer from Tiny Mix Tapes,"
"the production process for the 2814 alias in detail," → "the compositional process for 2814 in detail,"
""flesh out" ideas between the two," → ""flesh out" ideas,"
"ending up with one of them finishing" → "until one of them ultimately finished"
Target mastering to Mastering (audio)
"Then they'd "put" → "After this, the duo would "put"
"HKE praises this form of" → "HKE explained this form of"
"stating that this process" → "stating that the process"
"with most impact on the production of that specific track," → "with the most impact on the production of it,"
"He noted that" → "HKE noted that"
"that he had dropped his new laptop on the ground and broke the screen." → "and was led to dropping his new laptop, breaking the screen."

Artwork and packaging

Remove tumblr and .gif parts, as tumblr is not reliable
"which was previously well-known in the social media for" → "who was previously well-known for" and remove the other vaporwave art part since it's not backed up
[4][18][10] put in numerical order
Wikilink cyberpunk, though none of that sentence is backed up by the source
"written in Japanese: three of those representing" → "written in Japanese; three of those represent" with the target
"and two of those representing" → "while two of them represent"
"the duo behind the album," → "the duo behind it,"
"HKE states that the number 2814" → "HKE stated that 2 8 1 4"
"to press the album on vinyl:" → "to press Birth of a New Day on vinyl;"
None of the number figures are backed up
"and it ended up" → "and the campaign ended up"
The 1000 copies part is not sourced and change to 1,000
"of 2xLP 180g vinyl" → "of the 2x 12" LP 180g vinyl"
Where is the part about shipping with help sourced?
The sentence about backers of the campaign is not properly backed up
Target cassette to Cassette tape
"bonus track, titled Aftermath." → "bonus track, entitled "Aftermath"." with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT, but it is not sourced that this is included on the cassette
The album being released by Not Not Fun Records is sourced, but not the year or number of copies
[20][4] put in numerical order

Release, promotion, and marketing

Retitle to Release and promotion
"by HKE's label Dream Catalogue on" → "by Dream Catalogue on"
Target digital release to Music download
"being the first physical release of the label;" → "becoming the first physical release of the record label;" with the wikilink
"in an interview with NeonVice, HKE states that" → "HKE stated that" since the NeonVice interview has been introduced as having happened at one point and then the month is mentioned at another, so this is overkill
Remove target on cassette
"while Dream Catalogue worked" → "while his label worked"
"He further states that" → "He further stated that"
"in a cassette" → "on a cassette"
"He stated that" → "Explaining this, HKE stated that"
"He further points out" → "He further pointed out"
"on vinyl and released customized" → "on vinyl alongside customized" but are you sure vinyl was the release format?
Wikilink music video on the img text and in prose
Wikilink YouTube
The demo, deleted user and modified parts are not sourced; I know videos can be used as sources, but the description nor the clip show any of this
"in August 20, 2016," → "on August 20, 2016,"
Alex Zou, David Koh, and Autumn Lew were directors of photography from the places you mentioned, not the people who filmed
Target subway to Rapid transit
"closes her eyes and sleeps before the video" → "closing her eyes and sleeping before the scene"
"Published by radioclub.jp and directed by Anise Mariko," – this should just be "The video was published by radioclub.jp and directed by Anise Mariko." because the channel part is not backed up by a link to the video and the rest is violating WP:SOURCE

Critical reception

Img is not needed here since they should not be in reception across from the ratings box
"Upon release, Birth of a New Day was critically acclaimed by the vaporwave scene and received positive reaction from professional critics." → "Birth of a New Day was met with critical acclaim by the vaporwave scene and generally positive reviews from music critics." with the target
"The Rolling Stone magazine has reacted positively" → "Christopher R. Weingarten from Rolling Stone magazine reacted positively"
"has described the album as" → "described the album as"
"to the Vice magazine." → "to Vice magazine."
"Noting the Blade Runner inspiration" → "Noting the inspiration from the 1982 film Blade Runner"
Add release year of Endtroducing..... in brackets
"he has also praised how" → "he also praised how"
"musical styles was "perfect"," → "musical styles is "perfect,""
The second para should only have four sentences from the review and change it to being the last para since it is the least receptive review
"about the album, the Resident Advisor contributor" → "about Birth of a New Day, Resident Advisor contributor"
"states that while Birth of a New Day is among the most mature" → "states that while the album is among the more mature"
"sounds like most other vaporwave albums: "alternately" → "feels like most other vaporwave albums, being "alternately"
"He states that" → "He stated that"
"Ryce also states about how the album still relies" → "Ryce also noticed how the album relies"
Target purple neon to Neon lighting
"He states that what" → "He stated that what"
"vaporwave releases are its" → "vaporwave releases is its"
"C Monster, a writer from the website Tiny Mix Tapes, has had a" → "C Monster had a"
"that in this release, 2814" → "that on it, 2814"
"The writer has also reacted positively" → "The writer also reacted positively"
"and advertisements which" → "and advertisements that"
"spectral of light"." → "spectral of light.""
"He creates his own" → "He created his own"
"The Igloo Magazine says that" → "The staff of Igloo Magazine said that"
"the magazine describes each track in detail and praises" → "they described each track in detail and praised"

Legacy

"most important dreampunk releases" → "most important ambient releases"
"besides being named..." remove all of this since it is not backed up apart from the ambient part, which I have moved since the dreampunk part isn't sourced
"Rolling Stone noted that" → "Weingarten noted that"
"the Bandcamp charts";" → "the Bandcamp charts;""
"the release of the album at" → "the release of it at"
"HKE further states that the album" → "HKE further stated that Birth of a New Day"
"saying that it "helped" → "saying it "helped"
"After the album's release, the" → "After the release of Birth of a New Day,"
"has named the duo as "vaporwave superstars"," → "has named 2814 as "vaporwave superstars,""
"the scene, 2814 is" → "the scene, they are"
"The duo states that" → "The duo stated that"

Track listing

See MOS:TABLECAPTION

Personnel

Swap David Koh and Autumn Low for alphabetical order

References

Copyvio score looks too high at 50.0%; reduce quoting from ref 4 to fix this, though the other flagged URL is fine since that is only due to repetition of the album's title
Make sure all of these are archived by using the tool
Cite Bandcamp as publisher instead for ref 2
WP:OVERLINK of Bandcamp for refs 3, 4, 8, 9, 10 and 32 and cite as publisher instead
Use the author parameter to cite Dream Catalogue instead for ref 4
Cite ViceNeon as publisher instead for ref 7
Cite Red Bull Music Academy as publisher instead for ref 11
Cite Bandcamp as the sole publisher instead for refs 12, 14, 15, 16, 20, 22 and 23, removing the wikilink
Remove refs 18 and 19, as Tumblr is an unreliable source
Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 20
Cite YouTube as the sole publisher instead for ref 24
Same as above for ref 25 but remove the wikilink
WP:OVERLINK of Tiny Mix Tapes on ref 27
Remove the publisher from refs 28 and 30
Pigeons & Planes → Complex on ref 31 with the target per MOS:LINK2SECT, plus remove the publisher
Fix the date formatting for refs 20, 26 and 33 to be consistent with the American format

External links

Good

Final comments and verdict

On hold until everything is fixed; that review took a while but hopefully you'll respond soon enough! --K. Peake 18:47, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I am going to have to ✗ Fail this article since it has been 10 days after the review and I've had no response, even after posting on the nominator's talk page. --K. Peake 07:54, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

You mention that the language of the album is Japanese, not Mandarin, but that is only the case for the song titles. There is spoken Chinese included on the album. 77.100.61.119 (talk) 22:07, 15 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]