Talk:Brown Sugar (D'Angelo album)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 16:41, 15 April 2014 (UTC)
Hi! I'll be reviewing this article. From the looks of it, it seems very well written but I believe the corrections I suggest will improve it even more. If the GAN is passed I would suggest a FA candidacy.
Overview[edit]
— "Tick tock" needs fixing. |
— A lot of links need correction! (Tips: Substitute the URLs given in the article (as they are now) with the ones you are redirected to once you click them. They probably changed domains or some details.)
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Prose[edit]
- Lead (NOTE: I will not talk here about sentences supported by dead links and other problems, those notes are in the References section of this review.)
— Reads smoothly and with flow. However, just one minor correction: "released July 3, 1995, on EMI Music." (the comma isn't required after dates)
- Background
— The first sentence is awfully long. Break it in two.
— "Following the formation of his native-Richmond, Virginia musical group, Michael Archer and Precise, [...]" (is Michael Archer and Precise the name of the group? If so, substitute the commas before and after it with em-dashes.
— "and cash prize" → "and a cash prize"
— Did the initial group break up? Plus, an interesting detail, he used a mixtape which was originally by the group how? Did he re-record it? With or without permission? Please explain a bit better.
— "After an impressive audition for EMI execs" (Impressive should be in quote marks or the phrase should imply that the execs were the ones that found it impressive.
— "and at number 28" (remove at, it's redundant)
— "highly promoted showcases" (what kind of showcases?)
- Recording
— "$ 500" → "US$ 500"
— The first use of FN15 here is redundant.
— "who had previously produced Me'Shell NdegéOcello's debut album Plantation Lullabies (1993).[19]" (I don't think this is relevant to the scope of the article)
- Music and lyrics
— Please retitle "Vocals" to "Vocals and inspiration".
- Songs
— Two uses of FN35 which are redundant. (and examples of WP:OVERCITE)
— "Christopher John Farley cited "Higher" as the album's best track.[13]" (Unnecessary)
— "Misinterpreted as a traditional love song about a femme fatale by most R&B audiences,[10] "Brown Sugar" takes the form of a conventional love song." (Repetition of love song, please reword)
— While I in no way reprehend a larger text pertaining to the song lyrics and composition, does it really need its own heading?
- Commercial performance
— Note 1 being used here is redundant... it just says the same that is contained in the section without references.
- References (footnotes)
— I'm aware that the body of the article already has the references for it, but please add them to Note 1.
Suggestions[edit]
— You could expand a little on how he promoted the album (e.g.: release of singles [date, music video, etc]; tours; etc)
References[edit]
— While it isn't mandatory for GAs to use citation templates, I believe it would be simpler for readers if the book references linked directly to the 'Bibliography' section. I mean, by using the harvnb template (if you need help let me know).
— Could you set the reflist template to width 3?
— All references need publisher. Billboard's is Prometheus Global Media; NME's is IPC Media, etc.
- Per Template:Citation#Publisher, it's "not normally used for periodicals". Dan56 (talk) 01:02, 16 April 2014 (UTC)
— At first I was a bit worried about MVRemix and Music City but now that I see them they seem reputable and well-written. — Please archive the old web links dating to some years ago, because they may eventually "die".