Talk:Cabell Breckinridge/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ealdgyth (talk · contribs) 15:25, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this article shortly. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:25, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

   Some spots where the prose could use some polishing to make it clearer

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

General:

• Lead:
  • Not really a fan of "U.S. state" - but not sure how we can reword to avoid the abbreviation either... generally we should avoid abbreviations.
    • Yes, but when I don't do this, I sometimes get complaints from non-U.S. readers that I haven't specified the country that the individual was from. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Linky for "speaker" for the KY house of Reps?
    • It's just a redirect to Kentucky House of Representatives. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Ambigious - "When his father was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1801, he traveled with him to Washington, D.C., and..." too many him/his/he's and we're not always clear who is who.
    • Fixed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "matriculated to"? I would think "matriculated at"?
    • Not sure, so I've changed to "enrolled in". Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "and the father of U.S. Vice President John C. Breckinridge." this fact isn't supported in the body of the article.
    • John Cabell is listed among his children, with a link to his wiki-article. The sentence is cited to two biographies of the vice-president. Do we need a sentence explicitly stating that John Cabell was later elected VP? If so, should that sentence also mention that he served in the state legislature, was elected to both houses of Congress, was a general in the Confederate Army, and served as Confederate Secretary of War? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
      • Yeah, we do, unfortunately. what else you mention is up to you - but generally it's not a bad idea to summarize what the kids did, if anything. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:05, 11 January 2013 (UTC)
        • Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 15:09, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• Early life:
  • "and they arrived back at Cabell's Dale on April 18, 1804" what/who/where is Cabell's Dale? First mention of this...
    • Odd. I thought I'd mentioned this before. Oh well; I was working on three Breckinridges at the time (John, Cabell, and John Cabell). Must have mixed up articles. Fixed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
• Studies:
  • "When the next term began in May, he joined the American Whig–Cliosophic Society, which was founded by James Madison, Philip Freneau, Aaron Burr, and Henry Lee in 1769." Can we get a bit about what this society did/does?
    • Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "Not long after, however, he received word that he was improving and expected to meet him in Virginia on his way back to the capital." Again - too many he/him/his's and we get a bit lost in them...
    • Fixed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "When he attempted to leave Cabell's Dale on October 22, he collapsed off his horse and returned to his sick bed; he died December 14, 1806." I finally figured out this was Cabell's father - not Cabell. Again ... too many He's without clarification.
    • Should be clearer now. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "Despite his declaration to a relative that, "I consider my life dedicated to my mother's ease", Breckinridge continued his studies." - the last "his" refered to was John, not Cabell - clarify.
    • Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "His father died intestate, complicating the settlement of his estate and creating financial difficulties for Cabell Breckinridge, who had been receiving his support." Needs more clarity - suggest "John Breckinridge died intestate, complicating the settlement of the estate and creating financial difficulties for Cabell Breckinridge, who had been receiving paternal support in his studies."
    • Clarified. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "Desperate, he appealed to his brother-in-law, Alfred Grayson, the son of Senator William Grayson, for assistance." - this seems to imply that Cabell had married - or is this a husband of a sister? If the later - we need clarification.
    • Clarified. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
• Marriage:
  • "After attending celebrating with friends and relatives in Princeton, Philadelphia..." something's off here ...
    • Why? He visited three cities to celebrate – Princeton, Philadelphia, and New York City. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
    • Oops! I see it now. Was looking at the wrong part of the sentence. Fixed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 15:09, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Hey, look - after five or so mentions of Cabell's Dale, we finally get an explanation ... "the couple moved in with Breckinridge's widowed mother at Cabell's Dale, the family estate near Lexington." suggest doing so on the first mention.
    • Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "He was commissioned a major and served as..." is not supported in the reference given. It says he was an aide to the guy, but doesn't give his rank.
    • Cited. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • "Concurrent with his practice, he served as a professor of religion." Where or at which school?
    • The source doesn't say. I'd guess Transylvania University (then Transylvania Seminary), which was in Lexington and affilitated with the Presbyterian Church like Breckinridge, but I can't cite that. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
• Political:
  • "He followed this up by appointing..." who is this referring to? Breckinridge or someone else? The last "he" referred to was Pope, who I doubt was appointing someone...
    • Clarified. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
• Death:
  • what happened with his children after his death? His wife?
    • I had more of this in there, but decided to take it out. The wife and kids moved to Cabell's Dale, where the wife apparently had frequent clashes with Cabell's mother and brother, despite the fact that the brother went into debt supporting her. She eventually moved out and moved in with her sister. Even her kids thought she was in the wrong, according to Davis. How much of that should I include in this article? I don't want to go too far off-topic. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
      • Probably just the fact that they went back to the home place is enough. The article feels a bit like it just stops rather than giving us some idea of how things finished up. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:05, 11 January 2013 (UTC)
        • OK, I added the bit about going back to Cabell's Dale and Robert paying off the debts. Better now? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 15:09, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• Misc:
  • Current ref 13 is "Harrison299>Harrison, p. 299" ... oops?
    • Yes, quite. Fixed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • ISSN for the Harrison article? You give it for the Dorman...
    • Actually, someone else added it for the Dorman article in the wiki-article about Gabriel Slaughter. I just copied and pasted that citation over. Where can I find ISSNs?
      • No real idea - I don't put them in myself. Suggest just removing the ISSN... Ealdgyth - Talk 14:05, 11 January 2013 (UTC)
        • Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 15:09, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:58, 7 January 2013 (UTC)
  • Sorry for the delay; all my GACs, my PR, and my FAC all got comments within about 48 hours of each other, so I'm playing catch-up. Fixed a few. More later. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:32, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
  • All responded to, but some will need replies from you, I think. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 16:05, 9 January 2013 (UTC)
    • Kind of pushing my 7-day window, I know, but I think I've got them all now. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 15:09, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
      • Everythign looks good - passing now. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:34, 14 January 2013 (UTC)