Talk:Carl Edgar Myers/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 09:28, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I propose to take on this review and will make a detailed reading of the article shortly. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 09:28, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

First reading

I usually leave the lead till last so that I can check whether it provides an appropriate summary of the rest of the article.

Looking at "Early life and education", I see that the second sentence is missing the word "he", and the second paragraph has repeated use of the word "would". Compared to the rest of the article, some of the prose is quite awkward in this section.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:23, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"He married Mary Hawley on November 8, 1871, in Hornellsville, who was 7 years her senior." - This sentence needs rearranging.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:39, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Then they moved back to Mohawk in 1875 and began activities of balloon manufacturing and flying." - The previous sentence was about Myers singular so perhaps "The couple moved back to Mohawk ...".

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:41, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"The balloons that had just been assembled were partially inflated outdoors to test if they held the hydrogen gas properly." - This sentence could be swapped around with the previous one to give a more logical order.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:51, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Newspapers reported that he was the only producer in the United States of hydrogen gas balloons for the government." - This sentence doesn't seem to be in the right place either.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:05, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Each application of new varnish added little thickness, that even a precise measuring instrument could hardly detect." - This sentence is confused and needs rewriting.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:11, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The paragraph that starts "This same general area of the property" is about drying the varnished material whereas the next paragraph is about the varnishing process. This order seems illogical and you might swap the paragraphs around.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:24, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"The liquid varnish material" - I suggest you omit the word "material" here.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:26, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The paragraph starting "The basement of the house" suddenly changes tense in the middle from the past to present tense.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:34, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"He claimed that passenger trips would soon be commonplace as buying a ticket for them." - Could do with an extra "as".

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:39, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

- To be continued. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 14:22, 8 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Cwmhiraeth: Suggestions done. Looking forward to any other improvements I can do. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:53, 9 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Myers used iron filings and sulfuric acid to make the hydrogen gas." - Duplication of information in previous section.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:12, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Myers provided the 100 balloons and all the apparatus needed to be made the hydrogen and oxygen gases." - This sentence is a bit confused.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:27, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"gained notoriety for that beyond any other scientist." - I think you mean renown rather than notoriety.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:50, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The sentence starting "The newspapers printed a counterview" starts using "we" and "our" and should be rewritten to avoid this.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:01, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Ten of the balloons were six feet in diameter of $42 each and used for signaling purposes." - This is confusing.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:19, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"The intelligence information learned about the enemy and their potential attacks from the water was to be passed onto the Army." - Perhaps change to "The intelligence gleaned about the enemy and its possible intentions could be passed on to the Army."

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:28, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Myers used as an example to win the $20,000 prize of the Aero Club the French balloonist Alberto Santos-Dumont spent more than that amount in six airships that he entered into the tournament to win the prize." - Needs some extra punctuation.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:35, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Myers described that the controlling done remotely could be done by waves of light from a far distance." - Perhaps change to "Myers described how the controlling could be done remotely by transmitting waves of light from a distance."

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:39, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"from the grounds from where he started" - Perhaps change to "from his starting location".

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:45, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I think the "Later life" section should come before the "Patents" section.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:50, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Reference #43 should use lowercase.

Done Copy edited accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

That's all for now. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 10:51, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Cwmhiraeth: done for now.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 10 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA criteria

Various improvements have been made to the article's prose, and I have done some copediting. I believe the article is sufficiently well written, and complies with MOS guidelines on grammar, structure and layout.
The article uses many reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
The article is neutral.
The article was created by the nominator on 19 February 2016 and is stable.
The images are relevant and have suitable captions, and all are in the public domain.

Final assessment - I believe this article reaches the GA criteria. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 11:28, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]