Talk:Crystal Palace Dinosaurs/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Rosiestep (talk · contribs) 16:23, 11 January 2014 (UTC)

I'll review this in the next couple of days. --Rosiestep (talk) 16:23, 11 January 2014 (UTC)

Many thanks. I hope the article is somewhere near your usual high standard. Chiswick Chap (talk) 16:35, 11 January 2014 (UTC)
Lead
  • Crystal Palace - it should be wl but doesn't need the single quotation marks.
done
  • Hyde Park - it could use a wl, too
done
References
  • The article has a heavy reliance on McCarthy 1994, published by the Crystal Palace Foundation. Is it possible to condense some of the McCarthy refs, i.e. pp. 46–47 is mentioned twice, etc.?
merged ref
  • Could you flesh out these refs: Natural History Museum biographies Richard Owen and the nyder html?
done
  • Sayers has a 'page needed' tag. Some of the other books are also missing page numbers, so where possible, they should be added.
added URL and chapter (need a print copy for page)
  • Some of the books are missing URLs, etc. even though I found the books online - best to standardize
added several
  • The Ann Coates ref lists the author in 'fname lname' order while all the other authors are 'lname fname' - best to standardize.
oops, done
Sources
  • McCarthy - add URL
done
Bibliography
  • Kerley - As the book is not mentioned in the References or Sources sections, what role does it have in the writing of the article?
rename to Further reading, I haven't used it

Thank you for a very interesting article. More comments later. --Rosiestep (talk) 17:32, 11 January 2014 (UTC)

History
  • Single quotation marks - Also occurs unnecessarily in the History section ('tidal', 'launch', 'friends') including within an img caption; as well as in the In literature and popular culture section; and perhaps elsewhere.
done
  • Sydenham Hill - wl
done
  • "As part of this renovation..." and "To mark the 'launch' of the models..." - add a comma to set off introductory elements.
done
  • "first ever" - first-ever
done
  • "time-line" - timeline
done
  • "The models' realism was aided by the lake at the time being 'tidal' and rising and falling, revealing different amounts of the dinosaurs." - bit clumsy
reworded
  • "... and in 1855 the Crystal Palace Company cut Hawkins's funding" and "In 2002 the display..." - add comma after year
done
  • "The models and indeed the park fell into disrepair as the years went by..." - indeed may be unnecessary
removed
  • tonne - consider adding the Template:Convert for those readers who might not be sure about tonne/ton
done
  • "The Institute had..." - which Institute?
removed

Forced to simultaneously deal with Saturday morning chores, so more comments later. --Rosiestep (talk) 18:50, 11 January 2014 (UTC)

More[edit]

The 'Dinosaur Park'
  • Header - rmv quotation marks
done
Palaeozoic era
  • Coal Measures - wl
done
  • Dicynodon - Starting with Dicynodon and continuing through the rest of the article, the various types represented at the park begin with a wl'ed entity, followed by a colon, and then a description. It has the feel of a "list" without bullets/numbering. I think prose-style would be preferable and it appears to me this would be an easy adjustment.
done, hope that still 'works'
Mesozoic era
changed
  • Triassic, Oolite, Teleosaurs - wls
done
  • Seals - lc
done
  • "They became one of the three 'mascot dinosaurs' along with the Iguanodon and Megalosaurus (although ichthyosaurs are not dinosaurs)." - What's a mascot dinosaur? Add comma before "along".
reworded, comma added
  • "Easily the most recognizable and most commonly shown of Hawkins's models are the pair of Iguanodon." - says who?
removed
  • "even in 1854 Owen..." - add comma after year
done
  • "implausibly flexible" - hyphenate (compound modifier)
done
  • 'rock outcrop' - rmv single quotation marks
done
Cenozoic era
  • "An extinct mammal from the Eocene to Oligocene epochs, first found near Paris." Incomplete sentence
fixed
  • Eurasia - wl
done
  • "Hawkins built a family unit of male, female and fawn; the adults bore antlers made from actual fossil antlers..." Did the female member also have antlers?
added 'male'
  • "children's zoo, now demolished" - Can you clarify if the children's zoo was in the Crystal Palace Park or was there a children's zoo in London which was demolished?
clarified inside CPP
  • "The models of Palaeotherium, an extinct Eocene mammal thought by Cuvier to be tapir-like, have suffered the most wear and tear of all of the models, and the standing model no longer looked much like the original model by Hawkins; prior to the 2002 restoration they were in such bad shape they were removed and put into store." bit long
split
  • Some sources state that these models were added at a later date, but an Illustrated London News illustration of Hawkins's workshop shows them in the background. - date of Illustrated London News illustration?
Jan 1854, added to existing ref.
  • 'Tertiary Islands' - the punct is unnecessary if Tertiary Islands are described earlier in the article.
I think we need these.
  • Avoid single sentence paragraphs
merged paras
In literature and popular culture
  • Four paragraphs start with the word "In". - reword some of them?
reworded two
  • "Charles Dickens's 1853 novel Bleak House begins with" - commas to separate the parenthetical
added
  • Implacable November weather. - missing open quote mark
added
    • "Brett Anderson used the line 'So I went and sat in Crystal Palace, by the plastic dinosaurs' on his solo track To The Winter, from his 2007 self-titled album." Switch to double quote mark for the quote. Add comma preceding the parenthetical To The Winter.
done
  • Avoid single sentence paragraphs
merged paras
Categories
  • Bromley is mentioned twice in the cats. Is it worth mentioning somewhere in the article?
It's really just the modern administrative borough; added

Thank you for an interesting article! If you need more than a day or two to sort through the suggestions, I'll put it on hold. --Rosiestep (talk) 21:33, 11 January 2014 (UTC)



GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:

Great job! It has been my pleasure to read the article and to provide the review. --Rosiestep (talk) 01:58, 12 January 2014 (UTC)

Many thanks for a speedy and thorough review! Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:16, 12 January 2014 (UTC)

@Chiswick Chap - Just spotted a few very minor further things. Perhaps you'd consider them:

  • Removing citations from the Lead
Done
  • Moving the remaining books from References to Sources
They aren't really sources, each being used only once. Think they're probably best where they are. All the best, Chiswick Chap (talk) 19:37, 12 January 2014 (UTC)

Thanks. --Rosiestep (talk) 18:13, 12 January 2014 (UTC)