Talk:Cyclone Joni/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 21:43, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Could you do a less generic opening sentence? If you do, you don't have to worry about my next comment.
Why is Tuvalu linked on the second occurrence, and not the first?.
- Done.Jason Rees (talk) 14:01, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Fijian dependency of Rotuma and the French territory of Wallis and Futuna" - does it matter what countries they belong to? If I was talking about Guam, I wouldn't say "the American territory of Guam."
- In this case I wanted to make it flow better while also avoiding two "ands" so close together.Jason Rees (talk) 02:00, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
You mention "Gisborne, New Zealand" in the lead and the MH, but why do you mention that specific place? Was the storm within miles of that town, or was it more broadly just located northeast of the country of NZ?
- I thought it had passed just offshore based on some data from IBTRACS, however i think it was for a different system so i have removed the mention of Gisborne.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
You should link "Niulakita", the various currencies, and Nina and Kina
"low-middle level flow " - what is this? Does it mean a low to mid level flow? Or something else?
- I think its safe to assume that the source, meant low to mid level flow.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Joni was subsequently classified as a Category 3 severe tropical cyclone on the Australian scale by the FMS during the next day" - poor way to start a new paragraph. It needs flow! Also, avoid passive voice if you can. "The FMS classified Joni as a Cat 3..."
- Tweaked.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"During that day" - given that you hadn't mentioned the date in two sentences, and the subsequent sentence also refers to this day, it couldn't hurt to specify it was "January 10" again
- I have specified that it was January 10 again at what i feel to be a logical point.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Link UTC and FST, and Nadi
- UTC and FST have been linked, not gonna link Nadi here so to avoid an overlink.Jason Rees (talk) 14:01, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"until it passed near or over the island of Vatulele. After passing over Vatulele" - try rewording to cut out the redundancy
- Reworked.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"gale to storm force winds" - given that this is a proper term, you should link
- Linked.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"During the following month, Severe Tropical Cyclone Nina affected the islands and contributed to the strength of the westerly winds over the island." - I don't get what this has to do with Joni. Did Nina compound on Joni's damage? Either way, you mention Kina later ("The damage on Viti Levu was exacerbated by Severe Tropical Cyclones Kina, which affected the island nation a couple of weeks later.") so maybe put it there?
- I need to tweak the wording of this to clarify what Nina did there, but first i need to do some further research into Nina.Jason Rees (talk) 22:43, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  - Actually it makes more sense to have it down the bottom.Jason Rees (talk) 14:01, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Would it be worth creating a distinct preparations section? There seems to be enough info for that in the various areas affected. Preparations, after all, are fairly similar under the various island groups.
- If there was more about preparations for the system in Tuvalu (if any), Rotuma, Wallis and Futuna then we could consider it.Jason Rees (talk) 22:43, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is "Western Division" a proper term? If so, link it. If not, why is it capitalized? You later say "Western division" without both words being capitalized.
- Linked and capitalized.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"The system caused and widespread flooding" - is there a missing word or a redundant word? I can't tell
- Missing words.Jason Rees (talk) 01:13, 13 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"A search party of four men went missing off Vanua Levu, while looking for the women, however, one swam ashore, while the other three were picked up by a cargo ship." - the search party also went missing? Just making sure. The wording could be clearer.
- Yeah they went missing as well - if you have any suggestions let me know,

All in all it's pretty good. The writing is a little clunky in spots, but I don't see anything terribly problematic in terms of the GA criteria. This should be pretty easy to address. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 21:43, 12 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]