Talk:Dejarik/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 13:48, 8 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I can take a look at this article later today! — Ghost River 13:48, 8 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Lede

"Dejarik or holographic chess or holochess" → "Dejarik, also known as holographic chess or holochess" for flow and per the examples at MOS:BOLDSYN
Switch out parentheses around "although the best known variant uses eight" in favor of a comma after "is unclear"
Remove WL around holograms, as holography was already linked earlier in "holographic"
The second sentence in the caption can be removed, per MOS:CAPSUCCINCT

Origins and history

The first sentence is awkwardly phrased and is only technically a non-fragment. Suggest:
- {{Dejarik is first played on screen in the 1977 space opera film Star Wars. In a scene lasting about 15 seconds, while traveling from Tatooine to Alderaan aboard Han Solo's light Corellian space freighter the Millennium Falcon, the Wookiee Chewbacca plays the game against the droid R2-D2.}}
On that note, the part in parentheses about renaming should probably be a note
Awkward phrasing in sarcastically comments on how it is better not to be against Chewbacca and make him nervous
"The game later made appearances in 2015's Star Wars: The Force Awakens (during which the Falcon's board is briefly activated by Finn) and 2018's Solo: A Star Wars Story (as characters play aboard the Falcon), as well as in the TV series Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels, among others." → "The game later made appearances in a number of Star Wars media, including the television series Star Wars: The Clone Wars and Star Wars Rebels. In the 2015 film Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Finn briefly activates the Falcon's dejarik board, and in 2018's Solo: A Star Wars Story, (list characters here) play aboard the Falcon."

In the Star Wars Universe

Pipe the first body instance of "holographic" to Holography
"This was because ten figures were originally designed in 1977," → "The 1977 scene was originally designed to include ten figures"
End sentence after "version with eight"
"in the 2018 film an in-universe explanation was provided: the projector in the Millennium Falcon was damaged by Chewbacca before the events of the 1977 film and therefore in the chronologically later version from 1977 there are only eight figures on the screen." → "In Solo, a prequel to the 1977 Star Wars,Chewbacca damages the dejarik projector on the Millennium Falcon, providing an in-universe explanation as to why there are only eight figures on the screen."

Rules

"a number of fan-created ruleset variants were created over the years." → "a number of fans have created their own ruleset variants over the years."
"in 2019, a licensed board version (Galaxy's Edge: Dejarik Board Game with Checkers, as it also allowed to play standard checkers if the board was flipped) was also created," → "in 2019, a licensed board game version known as Galaxy's Edge: Dejarik Board Game with Checkers was also created
Simlar to above, the part about the flipped checker board can be downgraded to a note
"screenhot" → "screenshot"
Actually, the part about "a 2020 official caption" can probably be nixed, or put as an additional note on the reference, so that the prose reads just "At some point, Lucasfilm developed gameplay rules for dejarik, but they were never publicly released"

Significance

There are a couple of WP:REFBOMBs in this section.
- For the first paragraph/sentence, the licensed merch and fan-created works can be expanded upon so that some of those references can be attached to their own individual sentences
- For the second one, about classic, early examples of holograms et al., the references can be spliced out so that it's "holograms,(refs here), 3D(refs here) and augmented reality.(refs here)"
"It has also been credited as an inspiration to create physical devices that would imitate the effect seen in the movie," → "Dejarik has also inspired a number of inventors to create physical devices that would imitate the holographic effects seen in the film"

References

"CINEMABLEND" → "CinemaBlend" per MOS:ALLCAPS
"StarWars.com" should be moved from the page title to the website in [20]
Access date needed in [27] and [30]

General comments

One photo, CC licensed and relevant to the article
No stability concerns in the revision history
No copyvio detected!

Putting on hold for now. Ping me if there are any questions. — Ghost River 20:15, 8 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Just letting you know I'll try to get back to this within 48h or so. Busy days. _{Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here} 19:46, 13 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GhostRiver, I think I was able to fix all the issues here. If you enjoyed this, please consider checking the GA review request for the twin article at Talk:Sabacc :) _{Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here} 08:43, 14 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I made a couple of additional edits myself, but now I think it's ready to go! — Ghost River 15:27, 14 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]