Talk:Józef Zajączek/GA1

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Reviewer: Sasata (talk · contribs) 01:36, 27 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll review this article. I'll make (what I think are) uncontroversial copyedits as I read through the article, and bring anything else up for discussion here. Comments in a day or two. Sasata (talk) 01:36, 27 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, I'll be looking forward to your comments! --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 06:55, 27 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, some starter comments from a quick read-through. Please ensure I didn't mess anything up with these copyedits. I think the prose needs a bit of work to meet criteria 1a. There's a very heavy reliance on a single source. Are there not other books that have been written about this individual? Anything useful from here? More comments later. Sasata (talk) 04:31, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

    • Prose is usually the case as I am not a native English speaker, so I'll be grateful for help here. Single source - yes, but I am not aware of any other biographical book or significant article, other than perhaps the entry at Russian Biographical Dictionary at [1] (but I cannot read Russian). --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 04:57, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • the article suffers from a bit of WP:Proseline, which I understand is perhaps difficult to avoid completely in a history article, but there's too many sentence or clauses that begin with a date. I'll try to help this out with some more copyediting
  • "He was a Branicki's supporter on the scene of politics" -> "scene of politics" sounds like a reword for "political scene" but reads awkwardly
  • possibly useful links: Jesuit, hagiographic, emigre, namestnik
  • "Falling under Pulaski's spell" - Pulaski was a necromancer? Probably best to avoid idiomatic expressions for encyclopaedic writing.
  • "Returning to France later that year he would write" why not the simpler "wrote"? Same idea with "In August 1793 he would move to Leipzig"; "In April he would join the "club"; "Zajączek would chose to remain with the French army"; "In 1808 those units would be reorganized"; ""Zajączek would be imprisoned""
  • "was a vocal member of the hetman's Branicki's faction" the double possessives look suspect; reword?
  • "(2nd Front Guard Regiment - 2 regiment straży przedniej)" not sure what the last half of this parenthetical statement is is it the original Polish spelling? If so it should be italicized other instances later as well)
  • 4-year sejm -> shouldn't that be "four-year sejm", per MOS:NUMERAL
  • "on 4 April he took part in the victorious battle of Racławice." the battle was victorious?
  • "Napoleon ordered that Zajączek should be recognized as a French active brigade general." perhaps "… as an active brigade general of the French army" would be more accurate (Napolean couldn't order him to be French)
  • "His division performed well at the battle of Smolensk in August where he was wounded, recuperating till October, rejoining his unit in the time to take part in the battle of Tarutino." too much going on in this sentence, please split
  • "After Prince Poniatowski, commander of the V Corps, was wounded, from 1 November Zajączek commanded that formation.[22] He commanded it" repetition
  • we'll need a reliable source for the "Honours and awards" section
    • All fixed but for the last part, I am mostly at a loss here. I added refs for the two mentioned in text, and found one more, but I cannot find sources for most of the awards. They are probably correct, but must be sourced to something very obscure. I'll ask the pl wiki editor who added the if they remember the source(s). PS. Actually, that was much quicker than I expected, added sources, removed unref ones that an editor on pl wiki with access to additional sources cannot verify and claims are likely an error. Are we GTG? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 04:57, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • is there anything useful to add from these sources? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
    • Not much; the last three are based on pl wiki anyway. The first two don't really add anything significant, and their reliability is so-so (one is a local public library page, for example). --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 16:48, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • this source says that the name is frequently spelled Zayonchek or Zayonczek, should these be mentioned somewhere?
  • this last source discusses some interesting details about him that are not mentioned in the article (and would help to give some impression about his personality):
  • "Zayonchek was a dashing figure…Always well-dressed for battle, Zayonchek would go into battle in full dress uniform, wearing cologne and jewelry, and wielding an ornate sword."
  • I am not sure how this is encyclopedic, through I guess we could cite the source directly. He certainly didn't do it all the time; not during the retreat from Russia, which was his final military chapter. So what period of his life does this even refer to? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 16:48, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While in Egypt, soldiers began to call him "General Watermelon" due to his love of the fruit."
  • "Next he served under Desaix for many months, and then eventually fought at Canope."
  • Ditto. Now, I agree there's scope of expansion here; I summarized two book chapters in one paragraph. I however don't think we are missing anything important, not for the GA level of an overview. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 16:48, 28 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he was placed in charge of a Polish corps of the army with which he besieged Graudentz." underlined is not mentioned
  • is it worth mentioning his encounter and later correspondence with Dr. Larrey who "saved his life by performing a difficult amputation of his leg"?
  • "The names Chlopicki, Dabrowski, Kniaziewicz, Lazowski, Poniatowski, Sulkowski, Wolodkowicz, and Zajaczek are found on the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, a graphic illustration of how French and Polish fates were tied together in the Duchy's lifetime." Stefancic (2005), p.31. Sasata (talk) 06:48, 29 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, added both facts we discussed: [2]. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here 16:46, 29 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for making the changes and additions. Please check that my recent copyedits are ok. Although there is certainly room for expansion, I think the article meets the criterion of "broad coverage" (further research on my end failed to turn up anything significant that has been omitted); the prose is approximately "clear and concise"; and the article is well-referenced with in-line citations. All three images have appropriate licenses. Now promoting... Sasata (talk) 20:30, 29 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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