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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 08:41, 24 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

The references style is different from the usual citing of online ones, but it can stay like that though I will make comments for improvement there and other sections when I begin the review shortly. --Kyle Peake (talk) 08:41, 24 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thank you for the response. I hope I did not come across as rude with my comment. Just wanted to explain. I will do the revisions later today if that is okay with you. Thank you again for the help! Aoba47 (talk) 22:57, 24 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

[edit]
  • (Single version) → (single version)
  • (Album version) → (album version)
  • Link to the music video in the infobox
  • A sourced mention of the stylized title is required in the body
  • "for her third studio album" → "for her third studio album,"
  • "produced the song and co-wrote it" → "produced the song, and co-wrote it"
  • ""Pussy Fairy (OTW)" was released as the album's third single" → "The song was released for digital download and streaming as the album's third single" with the appropriate target
  • "The single is a" → "It is an"
  • "ballad featuring an alchemy" → "ballad, featuring an alchemy" with the target
  • "intended to activate the listener's" → "that is intended to activate the listener's"
  • "received positive reviews, with praise for its" → "received generally positive reviews from music critics, who mostly praised its" with the target
  • "Reviewers compared the explicit" → "They compared the explicit"
  • "was Aiko's first solo song" → "was Aiko's first solo single"
  • "the top 40 on the" → "the top 40 of the US"
  • "and was certified gold on the" → "and was ultimately certified gold by the" with the target
  • "The single appeared on" → "The song appeared on"
  • Remove the Rolling Stone Top 100 as that is not notable for the lead; keep the other two charts but mention NZ was Hot Singles
  • "Brandon Parker directed the song's music video" → "Brandon Parker directed the music video for "Pussy Fairy (OTW)"" with the appropriate wikilink
  • "for the choreography" → "for its choreography"
  • "facts on the song, video, and her personal life" → "facts about the song, visual, and her personal life" to specify what video
  • "For further promotion" → "For further promotion of the song"
  • "of hoodies and t-shirts and a" → "of hoodies and t-shirts, as well as a"
  • "will be included on a" → "is slated for release on a"

Background and release

[edit]
  • "Jhené Aiko used a conversation" → "Aiko used a conversation" on the img main text
  • "inspiration for the single" → "inspiration for the song" also on the text
  • "Jhené Aiko co-wrote "Pussy Fairy (OTW)" with" → "Aiko co-wrote "Pussy Fairy (OTW)" with"
  • "when she asked her boyfriend" → "after her boyfriend"
  • [1][2][3] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "and recorded on a reference microphone" → "while recorded on a reference microphone"
  • I do not think "while" works here. Aiko recorded her vocals on a reference microphone, but it is not clear that Việt Lê produced the song while this was happening. Aoba47 (talk) 00:50, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and were assisted by" → "and had assistance from"
  • "Gregg Rominiecki did the" → "Gregg Rominiecki handled the"
  • "It was the third single" → "It served as the third single"
  • Remove target on Chilombo
  • "dressed as a fairy along with the single's" → "dressed as a fairy, alongside the song's"
  • "digital copy of Chilombo was" → "digital copy of the album was"
  • "would be a part of" → "would be included on"
  • "However, later that month, Aiko confirmed its inclusion after unveiling the album's track listing" → "However, Aiko confirmed the inclusion of it after unveiling the album's track listing later that month"
  • "The single is three minutes and one second long" → "The song is 3:01 long"
*MOS:NUM will make it so you will have to change all to proper numbers anyway, so it is better to just lay out in the format I suggested for both --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:11, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "it is extended to three minutes and 41 seconds" → "it has an extended length of 3:41"
  • "which has less explicit lyrics" → "which replaces the explicit lyrics with PG-13 versions" since that is what the article instates
  • I believe the wording has its issues either way, since "less explicit" implies that they were still explicit to a degree
  • "A music video" → "An accompanying music video" with the wikilink
  • "that she would release a new version" → "that she will release a new version"

Music and lyrics

[edit]
  • "This instrument is played throughout Chilombo" → "The instrument is featured throughout the album"
  • "Aiko chose D major for" → "Aiko chose the note of D major for"
  • [16][17] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • [16][18][19] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "and used them" → "and had used them"
  • Are you sure this sentence belongs here though, since it is background on why she used the bowls so maybe the previous section is better suited?
  • This is the first time sound bowls are discussed in the article, and since they play a large part of the song's composition, I think this information is best suited for this section. Aoba47 (talk) 01:05, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Along with this instrument, the composition for" → "Along with the instrument, the composition of"
  • [21][22] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "The single is about sexuality" → "The song is linked to sexuality" to avoid repetitive wording in the sentence
  • [4][20][23] should all be solely at the end of the sentence
  • Should "pussy fairy" be in speech marks?
  • Noisey should not be italicised
  • "summarized the message" → "summarized the message of the song" to specify it is not about her acting, as aforementioned
  • [24][25] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "which some writers called" → "which some writers dubbed"
  • "Nalae Anais White for The Fader described the single" → "Nalae Anais White, writing for The Fader, described the song"
  • "and "None of Your Concern"" → "and "None of Your Concern", from 2019"
  • "Stephen Kearse for" → "Stephen Kearse from"
  • "wrote that the single was a part of a" → "wrote that the song was part of a"
  • "music, in which she sings about" → "music that features her singing about"
  • "The lyrics were characterized" → "The lyrics of "Pussy Fairy (OTW)" were characterized" since it is a new para so this is the correct prose
  • "and sings," → "and she sings,"
  • "to make the listener question" → "for making the listener question"
  • "remarked that she acts" → "remarked that Aiko acts"
  • "“Don’t be surprised boy" → ""Don’t be surprised boy"
  • "you can fly.”" → "you can fly.""
  • [23][28] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "identifying the line," → "identifying the line" since comma is not needed for one line
  • "smile", as directed toward" → "smile" as directed towards"
  • "“I got you sprung" → ""I got you sprung"
  • "and me time”," → "and me time","
  • [26][29] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • See previous parts on this. It does not make sense to move the citations to the end of the sentence as they are two different critical opinions (with quotes). on the lyric so it putting it at the end would be unnecessarily confusing. Aoba47 (talk) 01:14, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while White believed that part was about" → "while White believed they were about"

Critical reception

[edit]
  • "received generally positive reviews from music critics" → "was met with generally positive reviews from music critics" with the target
  • "While reviewing the album" → "In a review of the album"
  • "said the song was" → "said the song is"
  • "described the song" → "described the latter"
  • "saying it shows Aiko" → "saying the song shows Aiko"
  • "Trey Alston commended the lyrics as" → "Alston commended the lyrics as"
  • I still prefer using the full name of a critic when he or she is first mentioned in a section even if they were already introduced in a previous section to help readers remember who this person is rather than just putting the last name. Aoba47 (talk) 21:56, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "how Aiko's focus on" → "how Aiko's focus around"
  • "top 24 songs of the year" → "top 24 songs of the year so far"
  • This sentence should be at the end of the section instead since it is a critical ranking
  • I disagree. It is a part of this paragraph because the critic also focuses on the sexual lyrics. I have never see critical rankings including at the end of a section just because they are critical rankings. Aoba47 (talk) 01:24, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "on the sacral chakra since" → "on the sacral chakra, since"
  • "the song as an album higlight, Laura Snapes" → "the song as a highlight of the album, Snapes"
  • "Stephen Kearse enjoyed "Pussy Fairy (OTW)", but" → "Kearse enjoyed "Pussy Fairy (OTW)", though"
  • ""Happiness Over Everything (H.O.E.)" despite" → ""Happiness Over Everything (H.O.E.)", despite"
  • [36] is not needed since that is only two citations, which make up the entire para anyway
  • "Vulture.com's Craig Jenkins said" → "Vulture's Craig Jenkins said"
  • "showed R&B singers being" → "demonstrated R&B singers being"
  • "as examples of provocative R&B" → "as examples of similar R&B"

Chart performance

[edit]
  • Retitle to Commercial performance
  • "peaked at number 40 on the" → "peaked at number 40 on the US"
  • "on March 21, 2020, and was" → "for the issue date March 21, 2020, and remained"
  • Remove the second solo single info since that is irrelevant and was after this time; change this sentence to "By doing so, it stood as Aiko's first..."
  • [42][43] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • ""Pussy Fairy (OTW)" which went to number five" → ""Pussy Fairy (OTW)", which appeared at number five"
  • "It also reached number five on the" → "It reached the same position on the US"
  • Remove wikilink on R&B Digital Songs
  • [45][46] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "The single reached number eight on the" → "It reached number 8 on the US" per MOS:NUM "Comparable quantities should be all spelled out or all figures: we may write either 5 cats and 32 dogs or five cats and thirty-two dogs, not five cats and 32 dogs."
  • [47][48] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "it peaked at number three" → "the song peaked at number three"
  • [49][50] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "It also appeared on the" → "The song further appeared on the US"
  • Remove target on R&B/Hip-Hop Digital Song Sales
  • [52][53] should both be solely at the end of the sentence
  • "Along with these Billboard charts" → "Along with the Billboard charts"
  • "peaked at number 28 on the" → "peaked at number 28 on the US"
  • "The single appeared on international charts." → "The single further appeared on international charts."
  • [56][57] are not necessary after the above sentence since they are only two positions that are backed up straight afterwards anyway
  • "the single reached number 84" → "it reached number 84"
  • "and spent a week on the chart" → "spending a week on the chart"
  • That was the New Zealand Hot Singles chart position; fix this
  • "on January 27, 2020" → "for the issue date of January 27, 2020"

Music video

[edit]
  • "was inspired by those used in late 1990s" → "was inspired by that of late 1990s"
  • "The song and music video received" → "The song and music video simultaneously received"
  • [58] is not needed since that is only three citations and this claim is backed up in the entirety of the para
  • That would be like me writing at the top of a section that a song received generally positive reviews and feeling the need to add a citation when it's backed up further on; there's absolutely no need --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:11, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Carolyn Droke described it as" → "Carolyn Droke described the visual as"
  • "Halle Kiefer compared the warehouse set and" → "Kiefer compared its warehouse set and"
  • "to break down the dance" → "to break down the dance in the music video"
  • "the music video, and" → "its music video, and"
  • "Aaron Williams likened the concept" → "Aaron Williams likened the concept of her video"

Credits and personnel

[edit]
  • Please see here and re-write everything accordingly
  • Add wikilinks and targets for the people where they can be

Charts

[edit]

Certifications

[edit]
  • See MOS:TABLECAPTION
  • The citation should come directly after United States (RIAA) instead
  • Cite sales+streaming figures instead of shipment figures

References

[edit]

Footnotes

[edit]
  • For consistency, years are not required for citations when that is the only one cited from that source; fix Rap-Up 2020 for consistency with AllMusic for example
  • There are some redundant ones here, but I have identified them in the other stages of this review

Citations

[edit]
  • Good job with the archiving from you
  • This may be confusing since they are not numbered in the layout, but I will be identifying the refs in the numbered order, as of current, below
  • Remove wikilink on Hypebeast for ref 4 and fix MOS:QWQ issues
  • Def JameDef Jam on ref 5
  • Cite Noisey as publisher instead on ref 7
  • Remove target on Billboard for refs 19, 20, 21, 31, 33, 34, 40, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 51 and 57
  • Cite Vulture instead for ref 22 with the target
  • Retitle ref 23 to American single certifications – Jhené Aiko – Pussy Fairy (OTW)
  • That is a violation of MOS:QWQ and I suggested the retitling as that is how single certifications appear when cited from the table, which you should replicate to make the article look as accurate as possible --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:11, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Remove wikilink on YouTube for ref 28
  • Cite Vulture instead for ref 30 with no target or wikilink
  • Remove target on Vibe for ref 35
  • Delete ref 36 per WP:RSP
  • Remove wikilink on Rolling Stone for ref 52
  • Remove wikilink on The Fader for ref 54
  • Remove wikilink on Uproxx for ref 55
  • Rather than putting the same message under each bullet point, I will write this at the end. I treat each citation as separate so I link the website/publisher for each one. I know some editors do it only on the first instance, and I know others that do it for each instance like I do. I have worked on several articles with this formatting style that have gone through the FAC process successfully. My thought process is that each citation should be able to stand alone so if a reader looks at any one of them by itself, then they can get all the information they need and go to any related Wikipedia article. For that reason, I have kept the links for the citations. Aoba47 (talk) 02:04, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
[edit]
  • Remove the music video from here

Final comments and verdict

[edit]
  • @Kyle Peake: Thank you for the review. I have addressed everything, but I have left some questions about the table/chart comments as I could never wrap my head around that part of Wikipedia for whatever reason.
  • I disagreed with putting all of the citations at the end of the sentence as different parts of the sentence are tied to specific citations, whether it is a quote or a critical opinion, so I believe putting all of the citations at the end would cause unnecessary confusion. I also disagree with unlinking items in the citation as I treat them all separately and link the website/publisher for each one. Just wanted to explain those two parts.
  • You have helped me to improve the article immensely so I greatly appreciate the thorough review. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do, and have a great rest of your week! Aoba47 (talk) 02:09, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Aoba47 I have responded to some of your comments on where the article still needs improving; good work here, though. --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:11, 25 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Kyle Peake: I have revised the article per a majority of your points. I prefer to keep the citations for the sentences pointed out above to keep the referencing as transparent as possible. I see no value in removing these citations. I am keeping the links for each of the citations, as it is the style that I prefer and a method I have been using on various featured articles in the past. I am still uncertain what you mean about the speech marks part as I have never seen double quotation marks used for quotes like that. Also the singer and album do need to be linked the first they are mentioned in the body of the article. I am not sure where you got the impression otherwise, but you are incorrect with that. Just wanted to briefly summarize my responses down here for you. Thank you again for the help and taking the time to do the review. I hope you are staying healthy and safe with everything going on in the world, and have a great rest of your week. Aoba47 (talk) 00:26, 26 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: Thank you and hope you enjoy things too, I have done minor copy editing and also the speech marks part; if you are referring to when I told you to add ", that's because the other ones were incorrectly formatted for Wiki and the bit where I told you to remove quotes within quotes on refs means when you have filled in a ref and added speech marks in it which is a violation of that rule since the refs are automatically in quotation marks. --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:56, 26 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the clarification. Is there anything else that needs to be addressed? Aoba47 (talk) 19:08, 26 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: Some of the refs still have the speech marks issues --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:18, 27 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Kyle Peake: I believe that I have fixed the remaining quotation marks in the citations. Aoba47 (talk) 20:33, 27 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Pass, nice one! --Kyle Peake (talk) 06:41, 28 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]