Talk:SS Great Britain/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 18:38, 16 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

This is my 250th GA review and I wanted to make it somewhat significant considering the importance of this vessel. I will complete a comprehensive review within 48 hours JAGUAR 18:38, 16 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

"The ship was 322 ft (98 m) in length and had a 3,400-ton displacement" - it was? Why is this most of the lead in past tense? Is it still 332 ft long?

Yes it is still 322 ft in length, but most of the lead is about how the ship was built and what it did in the past, hence the tense.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The four decks provided accommodation for a crew of 120, and 360 passengers who were provided with cabins and dining and promenade saloons" - too many conjunctions in this sentence. May sound better like The four decks provided accommodation for a crew of 120 plus 360 passengers who were provided with cabins, dining and promenade saloons or something similar to that?

"and" changed to "plus".— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"and they were forced out of business in 1846 after the ship was stranded by a navigational error" - this doesn't make sense, how were they forced out of business due to a navigational error?

The cost of re-floating and salvaging the vessel used all of the company's funds - reworded to try to clarify this.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Sold for salvage and repaired, Great Britain carried thousands of immigrants to Australia" - this needs to open with when she was sold for salvage?

1852 added.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Australia until converted to sail in 1881" - is this meaning she lost her entire steam power?

Yes.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The lead summarises the article, but has a few grammar errors (all noted above)
" In autumn 1838, John Laird's 213-foot (65 m) (English) channel packet ship Rainbow" - why is English Channel in brackets? Also, the beginning might sound better as In the autumn of 1838?

Changed.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"In the spring of 1840, a second chance encounter occurred, the arrival at Bristol of the revolutionary SS Archimedes" - how about In the spring of 1840, a second chance encounter occurred, the arrival of the revolutionary SS Archimedes at Bristol

Changed.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" Brunel had been looking into methods of improving the performance of Great Britain‍ 's paddlewheels, and took an immediate interest in the new technology, and Smith," - this part should be split into two sentences - ...in the new technology. Smith, sensing a prestigious new customer

Changed.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Only the seamanship of Captain Claxton enabled her" - seamanship?

Yep - I don't see what the problem is here. Claxton was the captain whose skill avoided serious damage - this is often described as good seamanship.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Spelling check, this article uses the American "tons" instead of the British "tonnes". I have changed all instances to UK spelling with a script, if that's OK

Thanks for the corrections but I always get muddled by the correct way to represent this when tonne is the wikipedia article about an SI unit (of 1,000 kilograms), Long ton and Short ton. Contemporaneous sources would almost certainly have used Long tons but current sources may convert that into tonnes. Help appreciated.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Installed amidships and with a combined weight of 340 tons, were the two giant propeller engines, built to a modified patent" - I don't understand this sentence!

Reworded - hopefully better?— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"he installed a huge 18-foot (5.5 m)" - {{xt|large}

Huge removed.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" This saloon was apparently the ship's most impressive" - most impressive feature?

"of all the passenger spaces" added.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The long-suffering shareholders of the company dipped into their pockets once more to try and solve the problems" - this sounds informal

Reworded.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Despite the wards received by the Great Britain" - should this be italicised?

Should have been "awards".— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

References

Ref 16 is dead
Ref 55, ref 64 and ref 65 are all dead

All replaced or archive versions used.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

I recognise the scale and importance of this article, so I'll put this on hold until all of the issues can be addressed. There are some prose and grammar errors that exist in the article, as well as some sentences appearing informal. However, if all of the above can be clarified then this would have a good chance of passing. JAGUAR 14:41, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments (and congratulations on your 250th GA review). I believe most have been addressed apart from tonne, Long ton and Short ton which I always worry about and your query about "seamanship". Please let me know of any other outstanding or further issues.— Rod ^talk 20:29, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the improvements, Rod! The article now meets the GA criteria. At first I read "seamanship" and wasn't aware of the word, but after reading it again I recognise it and I realised that I should have sooner. I can imagine an article of this scale and importance becoming an FA - especially appearing on the front page. Anyway, well done

JAGUAR 21:25, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]