Talk:Transport of Białystok children/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Auntieruth55 (talk · contribs) 15:17, 17 October 2018 (UTC)
- I'll start this in a few days. auntieruth (talk) 15:17, 17 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Auntieruth55: Could I take this? —Vami♜_IV♠ 11:29, 30 October 2018 (UTC)
- @Auntieruth55: Don't want to rush you (I'm just an uninvolved editor btw), but are you still planning to review this? It's been over a month since the last ping and almost two months since your original comment which said that you'd start in a few days. Thanks!--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 20:04, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- Maaaaaan, you posted just as I was writing my review! You threw off my groove! –♠Vami_IV†♠ 21:07, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- Ha ha, what are the chances. But Vami IV, why does your signature for the GA review show that you posted it on 5 November 2018, when the page history shows otherwise... ?--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 22:22, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- Ahhhhhh! I didn't notice I did that, I swear to you. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 23:06, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- Ha ha, what are the chances. But Vami IV, why does your signature for the GA review show that you posted it on 5 November 2018, when the page history shows otherwise... ?--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 22:22, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- Maaaaaan, you posted just as I was writing my review! You threw off my groove! –♠Vami_IV†♠ 21:07, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- @Auntieruth55: Don't want to rush you (I'm just an uninvolved editor btw), but are you still planning to review this? It's been over a month since the last ping and almost two months since your original comment which said that you'd start in a few days. Thanks!--SkyGazer 512 Oh no, what did I do this time? 20:04, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- @Auntieruth55: Could I take this? —Vami♜_IV♠ 11:29, 30 October 2018 (UTC)
@Catrìona: I have taken over the review of this article. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 21:13, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
Opening statement
[edit]Being bold and taking this review. I am reviewing this article as the Coordinator of WikiProject Germany. Disclosure: I have previously reviewed and passed several of Catrìona's articles and am on good terms with her.
In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use Done,
Fixed,
Added,
Not done,
Doing..., or
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —Vami♜_IV♠ 19:26, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
Footnotes
[edit]For such a small article, six is a lot of footnotes to have. Furthermore, Footnote "a" is huge and highly relevant to the prose text. I recommend giving it a subsection entitled under "The transport", entitled "Size", or something to that effect. Distribute Footnotes "c" here, too. —Vami♜_IV♠ 20:42, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- I considered this, but I'm not sure it would be an improvement. The benefit of the current organization is that the footnote appears wherever the number does. Also, if the debate over the size was integrated into the text, it would break up the chronology. Catrìona (talk) 23:01, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
- @Vami IV: Thanks again for your comments; I've at least answered all of them. Catrìona (talk) 00:42, 14 December 2018 (UTC)
- I considered this, but I'm not sure it would be an improvement. The benefit of the current organization is that the footnote appears wherever the number does. Also, if the debate over the size was integrated into the text, it would break up the chronology. Catrìona (talk) 23:01, 5 December 2018 (UTC)
The transport
[edit]Rumors circulated that the children would be exchanged for German prisoners of war and sent to safety in Switzerland.
With whom were the Nazis to exchange the children for PoWs?
- The victims were not privy to this information, which is discussed in the background section.
- Ah, I misread. –Vami
- The victims were not privy to this information, which is discussed in the background section.
Held in a former gymnasium,
Gymnasium meaning a school? I'm American, so first instinct for me when reading this is to think "Planet Fitness."
- Yes, a European gymnasium; linked.
However, German troops accidentally shelled the building on 18 August, killing a few dozen children.
What were the Germans (supposed to be) shooting at?
- Presumably the Jewish resisters who were participating in the Bialystok Ghetto Uprising.
Probably on 21 August,[d]
Give this stronger wording and dissolve Footnote "d" into the text. I picture:Between 21 and 25 August,[22]
. Keep, but relocate elsewhere in the paragraph, that the transport took three days.
- Actually, Bender says that the transport took three days, and probably departed on 21 August but possibly departed a day later (22 August). I've edited this to be more clear. Adler (p. 126) says that they arrived on 24 August. I think the current wording best reflects what the sources say.
(as was typically the case during the Holocaust)
Replace the parentheses with commas.
Done
However, the
Not sure what this is contradicting, I recommend removing "However,".
- Delete footnote "e".
Not done I think this is relevant.
At Theresienstadt
[edit]The incident, although not well understood by the other residents of Theresienstadt, was one of the few clues to the ultimate fate of those deported from the camp.[29]
Not neutral, delete.
- How is this not neutral? Multiple sources discuss what information Theresienstadt prisoners had about what fate awaited those sent "to the East".
- Apologies. I withdraw this bulletpoint. –Vami
- How is this not neutral? Multiple sources discuss what information Theresienstadt prisoners had about what fate awaited those sent "to the East".
Attempting to find out more about the rumors of gas chambers, Fredy Hirsch
We, of course, know who Hirsch is, but he should have an introduction here, likeFredy Hirsch, a community leader at the camp,
Done
GA progress
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