The Toronto Song

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"The Toronto Song"
Single by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
from the album Con Troupo Comedius
Genre comedy
Songwriter(s) Wes Borg,
Joe Bird,
Neil Grahn,
Cathleen Rootsaert

"The Toronto Song" is a comedy song by Canadian comedy group Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie. It is one of many songs (including "The White House Burned (The War of 1812)") the Trolls recorded that are often mistakenly attributed to The Arrogant Worms. Originally on the Con Troupo Comedius cassette tape, "The Toronto Song" also appears on the CD Skit Happens, a greatest hits collection of Three Dead Trolls skits. Before the tape, the song had spread across Canada but most listeners didn't know the song's name. It was (and still is) often believed to be called "Toronto Sucks", "The Ontario Song", or "Ontario Sucks".

The song starts with the Trolls (who are from Edmonton, Alberta) saying how much they hate the city of Toronto, its people, shanty towns, and landmarks. They then realize they hate all of Ontario, and finally all of Canada (minus Alberta, but including Calgary). The criticisms of other parts of Canada range from practical ("Prince Edward Island is too small") to absurd ("Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre. Isn't that stupid?").

The song is primarily poking fun at the popular Canadian activity of insulting Toronto and to a lesser extent Albertan pride and the Edmonton-Calgary rivalry.

The song was recorded with only a couple guitars. Later, a remake of the song, entitled "The Toronto Song 2001", had a full band performing the music and included a guitar solo and different banter. It was featured in the mockumentary film Let's All Hate Toronto.

One minor error in the song is a mention of "the Ontario Zoo", which does not exist. Toronto does have a zoo, but it is called the Toronto Zoo. This is corrected in the 2001 remake where the lyric is changed to "Metro Zoo" (the zoo was originally called the "Metropolitan Toronto Zoo").

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