User:Madhatte

"Madhatte" is the nome de 'net of one Nathan Waldren, a 35-year old geek-of-all-trades from Olympia, WA.

Madhatte became famous during the early 21st century for his unusually large cranium and some of its rather unusual characteristics. While there is no known measurement of its actual size, scientists have estimated that its volume is approximately that of four normal human heads, which makes it slightly larger than the head of the famous Mr. Joseph Merrick.

Most of the research performed on Madhatte's head was done by the United States Military aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN-71). The military's main areas of interest were in the unusual gravitational field generated by his head and in his ability to memorize seemingly endless amounts of completely useless information.

The gravitational force generated by Madhatte's head is roughly equivalent to that of the large space object formerly known as the planet Pluto. The reason for this has yet to be explained, although it has been theorized that it is a combination of both the great density of his head and its multiple dimension characteristics.

The military has two specific areas of interest with Madhatte's head. The first is its possible use as a weapon. It has been theorized that by dropping Madhatte from a high altitude toward targets, devastating earth quakes could be induced, due to the tidal interference between the planet Earth and Madhatte's head. The second is to use the gravitational force of his head as an alternative to the nuclear power plants on board the USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN-71).

The general scientific community at large tends to be more interested in Madhatte's head's ability to store apparently limitless amounts of useless information. With its seemingly limitless storage capacity it has been theorized that his head could one day replace the Internet as the most accessed source of completely useless information. Unfortunately, due to his head's extreme density, scientists are having a very difficult time studying the inner workings of his mind.

Proof of Existence

As seen in the wild

Miniature model of Madhatte for analysis

Conflicting theories

There are different opinions on the origins of our world. The two lines inevitably to the presence of the species Homus Meganogginus.

Evolution

The scientific camp argues that the Homus Meganogginus, or "Madhatte" in layman's terms, developed from the need to exist in multiple dimensions simultaneously. Much like a zonohedron, as the skull of Madhatte was distorted into multi-dimensional space, it developed exponentially. However, proponents of the "Penny" hypothesis argue that the (multiple) dimensions of the Head develop as a direct result of enduring psychic trauma stemming from early copper-related abuse.

Creationism

Others claim that the seventh day was not intended as a day of rest, but rather, that time was required for the mitosis as the Madhatte divided from a divine being, not leaving enough mass for the latter to manifest physically.

Conclusion

Little evidence exists for the dissmissal of either theory. The scientific community awaits advances in technology that may help ascertain the elusive nature of the Madhatte, a.k.a. Homus Meganogginus.

Aliases

Meganoggin
Captain Cranium
Snorlax