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Backhanded compliments

A backhanded compliment is a statement that converts some form of praise in combination with a piece of criticism or a derogatory expression about the recipient’s social status. It is often used as either an insult disguised as a compliment, or as a means of complimenting someone while simultaneously establishing superiority of one’s own status. Backhanded compliments tend to cause confusion in the recipient about whether they are being complimented or reprimanded. This is due to the negative contrast drawn between praise and simultaneous derogation. Although backhanded compliments can be used with intent to genuinely compliment someone, they are often interpreted as insulting or hostile.

Definition

Synonyms

Another term for a backhanded compliment would be "left-handed compliment". The left side, throughout history, was often considered to be connected with devious or sinister deeds. The word "sinister" is originally Latin and means "left". The meaning of "backhanded compliment" or "left-handed compliment" would therefore be "sinister compliment".

Examples

Here are some examples of backhanded compliments:

“Your ideas were good… for an intern.”

"I didn't expect you to get the job — Congratulations!"

"You're so independent — It's no wonder you haven't found anyone yet."

"I love how you don't care how you come across."

"You're amazing for going back to work. I could never let a stranger watch my kids!"

Reasons

People who use backhanded compliments usually do this to elicit both liking and respect at once. The compliment part serves the benefit of being liked, while the backhanded part has a status-conveying function. Backhanded compliments are therefore often described as an impression management strategy.

Likeability

Compliments count as an important domain in social and professional life. They serve the social goal of being liked and promoting a positive self-view. People who are complimented tend to perceive their counterpart in favorable light. Compliments influence the evaluation of job performance and lead to actual career successes. Thus, backhanded compliments are used to increase one's likeability.

Status

While compliments increase likeability, this happens at the expense of another social goal; maintaining and increasing one's perceived status. Flatterers can be perceived as relatively inferior to compliment receivers because they potentially place their own skill or status beneath that of the receiver. By using backhanded compliments, the sender attempts to circumvent this deficit and even elicit respect. The complimenter does so by conveying their own status. Backhanded compliments are therefore often used when one´s social status is in danger. An example of this might be an employee who received bad feedback from their supervisors and consequently gives a coworker a backhanded compliment. The purpose of this behavior is to make the coworker look bad in order to look better in comparison.

Consequences

The intended goals of backhanded compliments - status definition and/or likeability - might not always be achieved. In fact, they have some negative consequences for both recipients and compliment-givers. Often, the recipient interprets the intention of the complimenter wrongly. This is for example the case when they focus more on the comparison in the comment than on the compliment. Regarding their true effects, backhanded compliments appear to be more similar to actual insults than to compliments.

Consequences for the compliment-giver

Contrary to the expectation that backhanded compliments increase likability and status, the compliment-giver is actually often perceived as less likable, less inter-personally attractive, less competent and less warm than traditional compliment-givers or the recipient.

Consequences for the recipient

The recipients of compliments usually accept backhanded compliments and feel good about themselves since they give them a sense of validation as a person. However, backhanded compliments are perceived as more offensive than traditional compliments. Consequently, the recipient often experiences negative emotions rather than positive ones. Moreover, backhanded compliments invoke more social comparison than traditional compliments. Comparison in turn might elicit a feeling of inferiority in the one complimented. Correspondingly, recipients of backhanded compliments rate their creativity and their ability lower than recipients of traditional compliments, which can reduce their motivation.

Explanatory theories

Backhanded compliments can be linked to social comparison theory and self-presentation theories.

Social comparison theory

Festinger's social comparison theory (1954) claims that individuals use comparison to other people to evaluate their own behaviors and opinions. A downward social comparison means that we compare ourselves to people who are somewhat "lower" than we are. Upward social comparison expresses the opposite - comparing ourselves to someone who is slightly better.

Linking social comparison theory to backhanded compliments, backhanded compliments represent an upward social comparison, since they display a comparison between the recipient and a higher standard in most cases. Upward social comparisons, as opposed to downward social comparisons, result in feelings of threat and anger rather than positive feelings. Accordingly, backhanded compliments tend to evoke a feeling of social comparison and reduce positive emotions.

Self-presentation theory

Backhanded compliments can also be viewed in the context of self-presentation theories. Those theories state that self-presentation strategies aim to control others’ perception of oneself. People who use backhanded compliments try to obtain flattery as well as respect. This is achieved through self enhancement motives (mentioned in reasons). Backhanded compliments are thus tools for self-presentation and self-enhancement.