Wikipedia:Peer review/'Adud al-Dawla/archive1

'Adud al-Dawla

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i would like to get it to Good article status.

Thanks, HistoryofIran (talk) 13:44, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

Comments by Dr Gangrene

There are some issues of style and grammar that were mentioned in the last Good Article review which have still not been resolved, and some that I have spotted myself:

• "On May-June 979". Please change this to something else. It's either "in May" or "in June" or "on" a specific date. Similarly, "on October/November of the same year" and "On August/September 971"
• It would be nice to have English translations of "‘Aḍud al-Dawla" and "Azod od-Dowleh Panah (Fana) Khusraw" in the lead section. And the same goes for other instances where mentioning a name seems important: "The dam irrigated some 300 villages in Fars province and became known as Band-e Amir." OK, so what does that mean?
• "14 jumada al-awwal 364, d'après Ch. Bürgel et R. Mottahedeh, ibidem." You forgot to translate something from the French there, I think.
• "Under him the kingdom a spell of prosperity." There is a missing word.
• "On September 16, 976, Rukn al-Daula, the last of the first generation Buyids, dies." Should be "died"
• "and quit mentioning his name during Friday prayers." The word "quit" sounds rather informal.
• I have to admit my ignorance of Middle Eastern naming conventions, but his name should probably be spelled in a uniform way throughout the article. I see instances of "Adud-Dawla" and "Adud al Dawla" without the hyphen.
• You don't need to link to other articles every time a term is mentioned. The rule of thumb is to link a term only the first time it appears in an article.
• "All this activity has greatly expanded" — "has" is superfluous
• "of an pre-Islamic civilization" --> "of a pre-Islamic civilization"

(Edit: forgot to sign Dr Gangrene (talk) 12:47, 1 November 2013 (UTC))

Fixed all of the problems except one; strangely i can't change the name of the article to simply Adud al-Dawla. It says this when i do it:

You do not have permission to move this page, for the following reason:

The page could not be moved: a page of that name already exists, or the name you have chosen is not valid.

Please choose another name, or use Requested moves to ask an administrator to help you with the move.

Do not manually move the article by copying and pasting it; the page history must be moved along with the article text. --HistoryofIran (talk) 19:12, 8 November 2013 (UTC)

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Comment by Josve05a

• This article is using a weasel word (apparently).