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Wikipedia:Peer review/2008 Monaco Grand Prix/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to FAC soon and it's always good to sort out problem areas beforehand. Thanks in advance for the comments, Apterygial 08:42, 12 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review by AlexJ

Here's what I picked up on after a read-through:

Background

  • "one-two finishes" - a little jargony perhaps

Prac & Quali

  • "Hamilton took third place on the grid, just 0.052 seconds covering the top three." - It feels like there's a word missing from this sentence. From a layman's point of view, you might need to make clearer what is meant by covering the top three.

Race

  • "Coulthard and Bourdais had taken essentially the same line into the barriers at Massenet just seconds apart, requiring the marshals to separate the cars and lift them off the track." - Doesn't put enough emphasis on them crashing into the barriers, I had to read it twice to get the meaning. Reword needed.
    • Simplified to "Coulthard and Bourdais crashed into the barriers at Massenet just seconds apart, requiring the marshals to separate the cars and lift them off the track." Apterygial 00:10, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but visited the on-site medical staff" - medical centre? Not sure what the facility at Monaco is.

AlexJ (talk) 17:55, 14 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Apterygial 00:10, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]