Wikipedia:Peer review/Anachronox/archive1

Anachronox

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I will copyedit your article if you review this one. Limit one per Wikipedian. All help is totally appreciated; writing this article has been very rewarding and we can't wait to get it to FA. It hasn't received any thorough copyediting review by another editor, however; so let's do a mutual trade. If you review Anachronox, I'll review an article of yours gladly and do a hard copy copyedit! We'll call it quits after about 5 solid reviews.

Thanks for your interest, ZeaLitY [ Talk - Activity ] 05:50, 10 August 2011 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs

{{doing}} Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 21:21, 30 August 2011 (UTC)

• Sorry for the delayed response. I'll have time to go over things thoroughly tonight, but some quick impressions to start:
  • File:Anachronoxcover.jpg can be reduced further in size, and the rationale could use some beefing up.
  • " When a player nears a character or item that can be interacted with, the LifeCursor appears, allowing the player to click on the person or item." Que es esto "LifeCursor"? Is it just a regular type of mouse cursor? If so, why mention this?

--Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 15:45, 8 September 2011 (UTC)

• • • Reduced image, added to the rationale, and better clarified the LifeCursor. They tried to reduce fourth-wall breakage by having the mouse be an actual electronic cursor-shaped device in the game, lore-friendly. ZeaLitY [ Talk - Activity ] 22:07, 18 September 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I am very sorry it has taken so long to review this. Here are some suggestions for improvement, made as I read the article.

• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are many computer game FAs that may be good models. See Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Video_gaming
• Is the explanation of the name needed in the first sentence? I can see it in the lead, but is it needed in the first sentence?
• MOS says to spell out abbreviations on first use, so RPG in It offers gameplay in the style of console RPGs, such as Chrono Trigger and the Final Fantasy series.
• The most difficult criterion for most articles to meet at FAC is 1a, a professional level of English. This is picky, but the in lead each paragraph begins the same way "Anachronox..."
• Can a game really suffer? Anachronox suffered a long and difficult development; the game ends on a major cliffhanger, and so much content was removed during production that Tom Hall planned to create a sequel.
• Also is there a WP Games style guide for verb tenses? The sentence quoted in the previous point has past and present tense
• Link cut scenes?
• Some things in the article make no senses to me (I am not much of a gamer). Are Ox and Bugaboo well known? Certain maps also have simple two-dimensional minigames, such as Ox and Bugaboo.[8] and who or what is Boots? A special feature of exploration is the use of Boots's camera, which can take and store several pictures for memories or minor quests.[8] See WP:JARGON
• Why are some game terms like "MysTech" in quotes while others like Bouge are not?
• The MysTech section is written in a very in-universe style and could use some perspective for those not familair with the game. See WP:IN-U
• I am not really sure what this means Husks of futuristic cities shift on plates, connecting different parts of the planet.
• The place to spell out the name MYsterium Technology is the MysTech section (not i nthe later Setting section).
• Similarly although Boots is identified in the lead, I owuld remind the reader who he is on first mention in the body of the article (not third mention)
• Where are these other planets - inside Sender One also? Other planets number Sunder, Hephaestus, Democratus, and Limbus.
• The Story section seems to me to be overly detailed - see Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Writing about fiction and the plot summary section and links there.
• There are three fair use images and a fair use sound file. Each will be scrutinized at FAC. The GroundPound battle skill is mentioned only in the caption - for better WP:FAIR USE justification, I would either discuss it in the article (so the image is not just an illustration, but increases the reader's understnading). See also WP:NFCC
• Or with the image of the characters, if there could be some discussion of design and how they chose their looks near the image, that would help strengthen its fair use claim.
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:01, 15 September 2011 (UTC)

• • Addressed most concerns and shrunk story section to 3 paragraphs; couple notes:
    • Ox and Bugaboo—thanks; those definitely are original, Anachronox-only games, so I've made those notations. Renoted that Boots is the protagonist in front of that usage.
    • Fair use—I'll expand the caption to draw attention to the Bouge/life bar/etc. and also mention Groundpound in the article. Thanks for the tips on this. Video game articles are tough in this respect, as non-free images are nearly impossible to come by. 3 images and a sound file seems to be the accepted FAC maximum right now as far as I've seen, but it's always a struggle.
  • Just 2 questions:
    • "Is the explanation of the name needed in the first sentence? I can see it in the lead, but is it needed in the first sentence?"—I'm not sure what else should start the article, if not a concise description of the article's subject.
      • OK, it is your call - just seemed a little odd to me coming to article cold, but reading it now I am not sure what the problem I saw with it was. I guess my general thought is that the first sentence is for the most improtant things in the article (the broad categories as it were, if you could only describe the game in 10 words, I am guessing all of them would be in the lead and hopefully all in the first sentence. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:49, 19 September 2011 (UTC)
    • "Why are some game terms like "MysTech" in quotes while others like Bouge are not?"—I've seen big arguments on this usage, so I'm not sure where Wikipedia's consensus is on it. Should it be safe to err on the side of quotation marks for the first time these terms are used? ZeaLitY [ Talk - Activity ] 01:19, 19 September 2011 (UTC)
      • I have no idea what to tell you here in terms of a definitive answer. I do have three suggestions. 1) Be consistent - so if there are quotes on "MysTech" on its first use, then it seems that other, in game terms like "Bouge" should also be in quotes on first use (or if no quotes, then none for all) 2) Look at what recent FAs on games like this do with such terms (assuming they have them) - then you can always say I am following the model of FA ______________ at FAC. 3) It might help to ask for advice from the Games WikiProject. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 01:49, 19 September 2011 (UTC)