Wikipedia:Peer review/Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride/archive1

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to get this article to become a Featured Article, which most of the articles of episodes of the first season of South Park are already FAs, I plan to try and make all articles of the first season of South Park become FAs; haven't edited the article yet, but I plan to; so I can't make it a FAC as I'm not a regula editor of the article; this is currently a GA, and the only problems I see are citations in the lead, and I can't think of anything else that stops it from becoming a FA-SCB '92 (talk) 15:13, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, SCB '92 (talk) 15:13, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your interest in improving this article, but it looks to me like it needs some work before it would be ready for FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. As you note there are already six FAs on South Park episodes from the first season (not quite "most" of the 13 episodes). Cartman Gets an Anal Probe, Weight Gain 4000 and Volcano (South Park) are the first three episodes and seem to be the best models for this article. I also note that the first season epsiodes Damien (South Park), Starvin' Marvin (South Park), and Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo are also FAs and would also likely be useful models.
• The plot section seems too long and overly detailed here - it is five paragraphs long, and in the first three episodes the plot is only three paragraphs long.
• Each of the first three episode articles has a free picture of the creators - File:Trey Parker Matt Stone 2007.jpg. One thing to think about is that if this becomes a FA and appears on the Main Page, it needs a free image (not fair use).
• The model FAs report the contemporary reception of the episode as well as th Nielsen ratings - this does not really do that. I would also give the year for reviews - so Chicago Tribune writer Allan Johnson praised the tolerance toward homosexuality displayed in "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride", which he rated the tenth greatest episode in the series' history.[26] needs the year (2003, six years after the episode aired)
• Now some specifics on the article itslef. The caption for the lead image is Big Gay Al's boat ride was designed to resemble the ride It's a Small World, an attraction at the Disneyland theme park. but this is not sourced and the exact claim is not repeated in the article itself (it says later Big Gay Al's ride also features a number of miniature characters, among them Olympic figure skater Brian Boitano, singing a song called "We Are Gay", which is a parody of the ride "It's a Small World", an attraction at the Disneyland theme park.[18] ) This would be a problem at FAC.
• Overall organization is not great - for example the section Conception and objections raised before airing sounds like it should be all focused on what happened before the epsidoe aired. However, it starts with a sentence on who wrote it (not really conception), then a sentence on when it aired (which is in the reception section for most of the model FAs), then a sentence on the creators' assessment of the episode within the first season. Then two sentences on critical reception to the show (which should probably be in the Reception section). All of this is before anything on conception or objections raised before airing is presented.
• Watch WP:OVERLINKing - does the average reader really need a link to gay and homosexual in the same sentence?
• WP:HEAD says not to repeat section titles in the titles of subsections, but the "Production" section has a subsection called "Production and animation"
• Why does the plot section need to tell us that the first incident with the dog humping another is at the bus stop? Is that detail needed? Why doesn't the plot section mention the speech Big Gay Al gives, which is later described in the Production section as similar to the Disneyland ride?
• The possible source of Big Al (local cross dresser) seems more like it belongs in the Conception section
• The stuff about what Big Gay Al does in later epsidoes and the movie doesn't really belong in Production (since those are not part of the production of this episode). Perhaps a Legacy section or add it to an expanded "Cultural references and impact" section (which two of the first three FAs have)?
• Aren't there several themes in the show (related to homosexuality) and not just one? So Themes or Theme?
• Language is clunbky in spots but I would work on organization first, then prose.
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:38, 3 September 2011 (UTC)