Wikipedia:Peer review/Disneyland Resort Paris/archive1
This article has gotten relatively comprehensive (compared to a few months ago) but I'm not sure what could be done to make it an actually good article.
It's a relevant topic (considering the shaky and infamous history of Euro Disney) but unfortunately many potential contributers are French or speak another language, leaving the English article with very few real contributers. Being one of these contributers, I don't feel qualified to assess it.
I'd especially like a review for the economic aspect of it and the style of the prose. Thanks. - SergioGeorgini 15:25, 4 March 2007 (UTC)
JHMM13
[edit]This is a very difficult article to review because it does need a pretty thorough copyedit. As I'm writing this peer review, I'm going through the article to find problems. I'll be posting problems I have with specific sentences here after I've made basic copyediting changes. Here are my suggestions:
- I wouldn't use French spacing (ironically enough). Browsers suppress extra spacing so that the following two sentences look the same. This sentence has French spacing. This sentence does not.
- "Both of these nations saw the potential economic advantages of a Disney theme park and competed by offering attractive financing deals to Disney, including free land and more." I don't like the wording at the end of this sentence. You should go into more depth about what was offered and not just leave it off with "and more." Perhaps you could end the sentence at Disney and follow it up with another sentence about the more interesting specifics of the offers. You don't have to give everything, just more than one thing.
- You do not need to separate the paragraphs quite so much. One longer paragraph about a certain topic should do and then separate it at turning points in the prose or when you switch the topic within the same section.
- "However, the site in the Alicante area was abandoned when it was discovered that strong Mediterranean Mistral winds affected that region for several weeks each year and Spain itself was deemed to possess an inferior infrastructure to other European nations." This sentence needs to be split up. Also, how can the site have been abandoned when it was never originally gone to? Consider rewording the beginning. You need to cite the specific claim about Spain's infrastructure.
- "The pleasing landscape of that region as well as its climate made this spot a top competitor for what would be called Euro Disneyland." If you want to cite climate, and I don't think you should, cite it when it first shows up in the article. The fact that the landscape was pleasing to Disney is relevant to this article, and if sourced, it would be worthy of inclusion. Just stating that the landscape is pleasing is POV and contributes nothing. What was pleasing about it's climate and can you prove that Disney liked it? You don't need to bold Euro Disneyland.
- The rest of this paragraph needs references. You need to verify that the location was chosen for the reason you said it was and you need to verify estimations made.
- "Unlike Disney's U.S. theme parks, which tend to hire many seasonal and temporary part-time college students, Euro Disney's employees (a required 12,000 for the theme park itself) would be permanent cast members on the Euro Disney stage." Cast members? Stage? Are these official terms? Why was it required?
- Throughout the article, you switch back and forth between American English spelling and British English spelling. You can choose whichever you like (Disney is an American company, but in Europe they tend to use British English), but be consistent throughout the article.
- For specific quotes, you may want to use a quotation template like you can see here: Simeon_I_of_Bulgaria#Culture_and_religion.
- Search around for other tables because the one you have in the Name changes section is a bit boring.
- The Disneyland Resort Paris today section needs to be expanded and you need to not have nearly as many subsections. Some of them are just one or two sentences long which could easily be converted into a paragraph. Overall you need more information here.
- You need more references and a topic of this magnitude would need several reputable literary sources or essays from trade journals. This topic has been well-covered from the economic point of view, as far as I know, and I think you can find some interesting articles on it written in peer-reviewed journals.
Alright, I've gotten up to the hotels section and I'm realizing that this is taking far too much of my time. It might do you better to find a native English speaker who is willing to copyedit the entire article and start referencing more of your claims in the article. I know this is general and does not get as specific as you wanted, but I simply don't have the time to do the entire article as I've done the first few sections. I hope you understand. JHMM13 07:02, 23 March 2007 (UTC)
- Thank you very much. You're absolutely right obviously (although I can't find any American spelling outside of the quotes). Now I hope someone competent will be willing to put a little time into solving these issues, although I'll try to pitch in. - SergioGeorgini 08:40, 23 March 2007 (UTC)