Wikipedia:Peer review/Fraizer Campbell/archive1

Fraizer Campbell

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Gave this article a bit of a going over, looking for any improvements to be had. Thanks. Sunderland06 (talk) 06:41, 3 January 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Lead

• Opening sentance reads a bit awkward at the end, "...who plays for Sunderland as a Forward and also as a winger occasionally". Suggest rewording to something like; "who plays for Sunderland as a forward, but can play as a winger". - Done.
• Comma needed in; "Campbell progressed to their first-team in the 2006–07 season, making two appearances without..". - Done.
• And again in the next sentence after Royal Antwerp - Done.
• Missing the word scored out in the sentence; "Hull City and Tottenham Hotspur, where he 15 goals in 34 matches...". - Done.
• In the last sentance it may be better to replace in the with at the beginning of. - Done.

Background

• First sentence is missing the words in a before Manchester. - Done.

Royal Antwerp

• "He made his senior debut for United on 19 August 2007 in the Manchester derby against Manchester City after coming on in the 73rd minute for Michael Carrick". Don't really need to mention Manchester City as the derby is linked, so anyone who doesnt know who plays in the derby will be able to find out. Also a comma is needed before "after coming on". - Done.

Hull City

• "Boxing Day 2007", don't need to mention 2007. - Done.
• Citation 14 links to a page saying story cannot be found. May need to find an archive of this page. - Removed, don't know what happened to that Sky source, I've removed that section.
• "with the Hull chairman", don't need the the. - Done.
• "He added saying “I’m going..", don't need to use saying, it's used before the previous quote. - Done.

Manchester United

• "In July 2008, Campbell was selected to the pre-season tour of..". For not to. - Done.

Sunderland

• "He went on to score a brace against non-league.." Change a brace to twice as non-football fans may not be aware of what this means. - Done.
• "Campbell began the 2010–11 season with promising form in pre-season". Promising form is a bit POV. - Changed to 'goalscoring form' - as that can't be argued against.

International

• Citation 42 is a dead-link. - Replaced.
• "He also scored in the second group game of the 2009 UEFA European Under-21 Football Championship against Spain in a 2–0 win on 18 June 2009." Needs at least one comma in there. - Done.
• "sent-off for a wild lunge". Again wild lunge is POV and isn't used in the reference. - Removed.

Misc

• Alt links are needed to be used for the images. Information on them can be found here - Done.

Hope this helps you improve the article. Eddie6705 (talk) 20:10, 4 January 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for the comments, very helpful. :) Sunderland06 (talk) 21:09, 4 January 2011 (UTC)