Wikipedia:Peer review/Frost Bank Tower/archive2
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because although the page soon matched up to its Featured Article reviewer comments, it still eventually failed. As such, I'm looking for someone who can give suggestions and provide fixes.
Thanks, TheAustinMan (talk) 18:25, 16 April 2011 (UTC)
Brianboulton comments: Not much work seems to have been done on the article since the FAC was archived in March. There are numerous prose matters requiring attention, and also some unresolved reference issues.
- Prose issues
- "...it is the third tallest building in Austin, behind the 360 Condominiums". Behind the Condominiums and...?
- "Cousins sold the building in 2006 to Equity Office Properties Trust for $188 million before they sold the building to Thomas Properties". Reword to remove ambiguity: "Cousins sold the building in 2006 for $188 million to Equity Office Properties Trust, who in turn sold the building to Thomas Properties". Do we have a year for this latter sale?
- "In 1998, T. Stacy & Associates consolidated tracts of land at the building site..." Some amplification is requires of what you mean by "the building site", e.g. its geographical location in the city. What was originally on the site? Was it a vacant lot, etc?
- Unnecessary sentence: "Cousins Properties soon developed the plans for the Frost Bank Tower." Delete and begin next: "Their original plans..." (plural)
- The word "tall" need not be used. Hence "a 352 ft (107 m) building" etc
- "As the building commenced on November 27, 2001, it became the tallest building in the United States of America to be constructed after the September 11 attacks." Surely, "As the building neared completion", not as building commenced.
- "It officially became the tallest building..." What does "officially" mean here?
- "137 million U.S. dollars" should be written as $137 million (as you do elsewhere)
- Technical expressions should be explained. For example, what is "blue low-e glass"?
- "The folded panes of the building step back to create a segmented pyramidal form." This is architect-speak, and needs a clearer explanation.
- What does "150 feet of lighting" mean? Height, length?
- "The tower used massive amounts of glass in its construction." The tower did not construct itself. Also, vague terms like "massive amounts" are non-encyclopedic. Suggest you delete this sentence.
- "45,000 ft (13,716 m) feet was used for the crown." Is this still referring to glass, and shouldn't these be square feet and square metres?
- I don't think the "Critics' responses" section should lead off with a facetious comment - put it in later.
- An explanation of "Keep Austin Wierd" should be given, rather than just a link.
- The very long, convoluted sentence that begins "The tower was awarded..." needs reconstruction
- "The Frost Bank Tower contains a wide variety of amenities, most of which are located in the tower." My emphasis: I imagine they all are. Can you explain what you mean?
- What is this "tin cross" tradition?
- References issues
- Whenever possible, with websites list the organisation responsible for the site as publisher rather than the web address. For example (ref 1) the publisher is Skyscraper Source Media
- Journal and nespaper names should be italicised
- Ref 9 is a dead link
- Ref 11: Highbeam is not the publisher. The report comes from Business Wire
- Ref 17: Who are "Elliptipar"?
On a more general point, the article does not compare well in terms of comprehensiveness and presentation with existing building FAs such as Chicago Board of Trade Building and Monadnock Building, and a lot more work will be necessary if it is to make the grade at FAC. Brianboulton (talk) 13:12, 2 May 2011 (UTC)