Wikipedia:Peer review/Hylton Castle/archive1

Hylton Castle

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've re-wrote and added a great deal of content to it over the past few weeks and want to get it up to GA or possibly FA status. My prose probably needs a little work and I plan to retake the pictures I added to remove the white light in the backgrounds, but apart from that, the article is comprehensive and has information from all major sources on the subject. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks, Craigy (talk) 09:03, 22 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I enjoyed reading this interesting article and think it is probably about GA already and not too far from FA. Here are some suggestions for improvement, with an eye toward FAC:

A model article is often useful as a source of ideas and examples to follow. There are 66 FAs at Category:FA-Class Architecture articles, several of which seem like they might be useful models - Buckingham Palace perhaps?
The lead should be expanded per WP:LEAD to three paragraphs I think. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but heraldry and the chapel do not seem to be in the current lead.
I would try to provide context for the reader - for example give the dates for King Athelstan and William I of England in the Early history section. Or what date is this: It was later returned to the family through Henry's nephew, John Hylton, de jure 15th Baron Hylton.[3]?
I also would probably try to be as careful as possibly in keeping all of the Barons Hylton and other Hyltons straight. A few places
Does this sentence really need six references? It was later re-built in stone by Sir William Hylton (1376-1435) as a four storey, gatehouse-style, fortified manor house, similar in design to Lumley and Raby.[7][8][9][10][11][2]
Refs should be in numerical order, so [1][2][3], not [2][1][3]
I would also be consistent about page numbers in refs - Surtees and Emery should probably have the page numbers in the ref and not in the Bibliography
Per WP:MOS#Images images are supposed to be set to thumb width so as to allow reader preferences to take over. Vertical images can be made smaller with "upright". This can be ignored for a few images (maps, detailed pieces).
Since you plan to retake some of the pictures, is there any chance for a closer shot of the arms on the West facade? I would also put the numbers below the coats of arms as they obscure them now.
The castle is said to be haunted by the spirit of the Cauld Lad of Hylton. needs a ref
Whole thing needs a copyedit, it is mostly well written but could be polished a bit.
Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 20:52, 27 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much. I've acted on some of the points and will do my best with the others. Do you know of any users out there who regularly copyedit articles, as I'd like to ask for their assistance? Thanks, Craigy (talk) 23:47, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Some are listed at WP:PRV, although it is now dead, looking at the list of participants at WP:LOCE may yield others. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:58, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, I got it sorted :-) Craigy (talk) 13:53, 4 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]