Wikipedia:Peer review/Ibanez JEM/archive1
Ibanez JEM[edit]
English is not my first language, so I will appreciate any english and grammar correction. I need some feedback also though, for the whole article. Thank you! -- Imoeng 11:29, 30 July 2006 (UTC)
Comment - the lead section is way too short (I know - I made it shorter still, but it felt it flowed better with my rewritten lead section) - I think 2 paragraphs would be a good length - try a short introduction about how many variations there were. Is the guitar quite exclusive or not? Is it popular? There are also several grammar errors dotted throughout the article (try not to use 'reach' so much - I can't think of a better word to replace at this moment though) - but I can fix them :) About the picture half-way down the article, what relevance does it have? I can't see what it is straight away, so it may be worth captioning. Apart that, it's a good article and well-referenced. Keep it up! CloudNine 11:53, 30 July 2006 (UTC)
- Second version - So I've added more information in the introduction and fixed some grammars, although I am sure its quite far from perfect. Could anyone give me more feedback? Pleasee.. Thank you! :) Imoeng 08:11, 2 August 2006 (UTC)
- Comment - the comment at the beginning shouldn't really be there - I'm not sure it's suited to a encylopedia article :(. Try to wikify the 'Models and Variations' section a little, a few more pictures would be nice (if you can get them). Are the variations radically different? If so, you might want to start up a new article for each of them (like Fender Jaguar - as I'm not a fan of lists personally on Wikipedia.
- Also, a 'Notable Users' section might be helpful - there's got to be more people using it than Steve Vai! In the Earlier Guitars section, I think the quote from Steve Vai was a little too long - you may want to only include the part where with the new guitar. There's still a few errors in spelling and grammar, but I can fix those sometime. CloudNine 14:10, 2 August 2006 (UTC)
- I left this comment on Imoeng's page as well. I think this article is badly pushing it when it comes to fair use images. There are way too many on there, and they don't strike me as images we couldn't, with some effort, make free alternatives for. Mangojuicetalk 04:25, 3 August 2006 (UTC)