Wikipedia:Peer review/John J. Tigert/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to improve it to Good Article standards.
Thanks, Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 17:48, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is interesting and seems about ready for GAN. It's broad in coverage, generally well-written, verifiable, reasonably illustrated, neutral, and stable. The existing lead is too skimpy, but it shouldn't be hard to fix. Here are my suggestions:
Lead
- The lead should be an inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include at least a mention of each of the main text sections. The existing lead says nothing about Tigert's early life, his interest in athletics and reform, or his legacy. When I write my leads, I ask myself whether a reader would fairly understand the topic if everything else were erased, leaving only the lead.
Done Expanded lead paragraph. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
Early life and education
- I'd suggest moving the football wikilink up to the first use in "baseball, basketball, football and track". I'm not sure any of the other sports need to be linked, but cricket might qualify, at least for North American readers.
Done Linked sports, including cricKet. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
Educator, administrator and reformer
- If you're going to link basketball, it should be on the first use in the "Early life and education" section. I don't think you need to link football twice in the article.
Done Eliminated duplicate links. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "Tigert also established the faculty senate, the Institute of Inter-American Affairs and the Bureau of Economic and Business Research." - I'd suggest merging this orphan paragraph with the one above it.
Done Merged. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "One of his most influential reforms as president was the creation of the new University College in 1935." - Would it be helpful here to specify that University College was a part of the University of Florida? Suggestion: "One of his most influential reforms as president was the creation, within the University of Florida, of the new University College in 1935."
Done Agreed. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "with new distribution requirements in biology, English language and literature" - It might help to explain what "distribution requirements" means. If it just means "requirements", perhaps deleting "distribution" would solve the problem.
Done Clarified. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "Tigert subsequently served four separate terms as SEC president (1934–1936, 1945–1947)." - Because of the way the date ranges work, this looks like two rather than four. Would it help to say, "Tigert subsequently served four separate one-year terms as SEC president (1934–1936, 1945–1947)"? Or to list them; i.e., 1934–35, 1935–36, 1945–46 and 1946–47?
Done Good suggestion. It did look odd. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "Appalled by the under-the-table payments to college athletes... " - Would "secret" or "illegal" be more clear than "under-the-table" to readers in other parts of the world?
- Contemplating how to rephrase this. Not illegal per se, but definitely unethical and a violation of the then-existing NCAA rules. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- "Appalled by the under-the-table payments to college athletes that were prevalent at the time, he advocated the grant of scholarships to athletes which would become the grant-in-aid of other university athletic programs and as mandated by the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) in the years to follow." - Suggestion: "Appalled by illicit payments to college athletes that were prevalent at the time, he advocated the granting of scholarships to athletes. In later years, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) mandated such grants-in-aid for all the colleges in the association." Or something like that. The juxtaposition implies that the NCAA adopted Tigert's idea directly from him, but I don't know if that was the case or not.
- "Contributing to the shortage of facility space, the Florida Legislature reinstituted co-education in 1947." - It might help to add when co-ed education disappeared or to briefly explain the historic co-ed situation in Florida. Also, the sentence might be recast to avoid any hint that the legislature's intent was to contribute to the space shortage.
- I'd think about combining the second orphan paragraph with the one below it that begins with Pearl Harbor.
Done Check. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
Images
- On my screen, the Tigert Hall image overlaps the "See also" section by four lines. I think if you move the image up to the top right of the Legacy section, the problem would be solved.
- This was intentional. The photo breaks the line (good layout and design) and partially fills the "see also" right-hand white space. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
General
- I wondered if the Tigerts had any children.
- So did I. I can't find any references on point, but I am in communication with the university historian, and I'm waiting to see what references he can find. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)
- The images need alt text, meant for people who can't see the images. You might not need them for GAN, but you will for FAC if you take the article that far. It's a good idea to add them in any case. They are not the same as captions. WP:ALT has details.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 05:35, 17 January 2010 (UTC)
Thanks, Finetooth. You comments were constructive and helpful. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 02:23, 28 January 2010 (UTC)