Wikipedia:Peer review/Luke Schenn/archive1

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Luke Schenn[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I found the peer review comments I received for Nikita Filatov extremely helpful as I made my way through the steps of promoting the article, and I am looking for similar help with his draft classmate, Luke Schenn. Any comments on sources, tips on prose or likely FAC sticking points would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Canada Hky (talk) 16:18, 22 February 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Although short, this article appears to be comprehensive, well-organized, and reasonably well-written. The illustrations are good. As time passes, the article will need frequent updating to reflect changes in Schenn's career, his statistics, and his personal life. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

  • It's generally sufficient to link a term no more than once in the lead and perhaps once more in the main text. I wouldn't link Dion Phaneuf or Thomas Kaberle twice, for example, and I'd use just their last names on all subsequent references. In the "International" table, I'd link the Canadian team just once. Reducing the overlinking makes the remaining links more meaningful.
    • Reduced linking, in the medal table it actually should point to teams from three different age groups, so I will double check that. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

Professional

  • "Schenn's play was disappointing, and he was a healthy scratch" - I'd replace the jargon, "healthy scratch" with ordinary words, or explain them in parentheses, or link to an explanation.
  • "Along with several other young Maple Leafs, Schenn picked up his game at the end of the season." - Rather than the jargon, "picked up his game", I'd use something like "improved his game".
  • "In February, when the Leafs were widely expected to trade Kaberle, Schenn was vocal in his praise for the veteran, "I’ve got nothing but great things to say about him. He’s a guy you can look up to, as far as how he carries himself. He’s well respected by everyone." - Since the quote is about Kaberle, rather than Schenn, it seems tangential to the main subject. I'd delete it.

International play

  • "to form the top shutdown duo for the team" - "Top shutdown duo" is jargon that might be made more clear with different words, an explanation, or a link.
    • Tried to explain this a little bit better. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
  • Should "finished the tournament with a team high +/- rating of +5" be explained more clearly. What is the possible range? Does it go from −5 to +5? What would a negative rating indicate?
    • Added a wikilink, which should help. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

Playing style

  • "he has been among the league leaders in hits" - Should "hit" be explained in some way. What exactly constitutes a hit in hockey? Does it mean slamming someone into a wall? Does it mean knocking another player down? Who keeps score of these? Are the hit scores official? More broadly, do defencemen accumulate any special statistics such as "shots blocked"? If so, should these be included in Schenn's statistics?
    • Added a wikilink These stats are kept for all players (hits, blocked shots, etc). The hockey project has standardized their stats tables pretty well, so I wouldn't add in any new columns without consensus. I think the text mentions will suffice for now. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
  • "He plays hard every night and does a lot not only in our room but in the community." - What does Phaneuf mean by "in our room"? What room?
    • The team's dressing room. I will try to figure out a way to clarify what was meant in the quote. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)

References

  • In citation 5, the all-caps "PLAYER PROFILE" should be changed to Wikipedia house style, "Player Profile" even though the source uses all-caps. Ditto for the all-caps part of citation 7.
  • Newspaper names like Toronto Star in citation 6 should be in italics. This is just an example; I see several more of these in other citations.
    • Fixed all instances, I believe. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)
  • Citation 21 is incomplete. It lacks an URL and an access date. If the article is not available on-line, you can cite the published paper version, but you should include the page number in that case.
  • Citation 32 is malformed.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:54, 28 February 2011 (UTC)

Thanks very much for your help, I really appreciate your contributions to make the article better. Canada Hky (talk) 23:43, 2 March 2011 (UTC)