Wikipedia:Peer review/Patrick Henry/archive1

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I've listed this article for peer review because… I'd like feedback pre-FAC.

Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 23:55, 21 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Eddie891

"Patrick Henry was once thought to have been of humble origins, but he was born into the middle ranks of the Virginia landed gentry." To me this reads a bit awkwardly, because it is very vague. There is no indication of who thought either way.
"Patrick Henry shared his name with his uncle, an Anglican minister, and until the elder Patrick's death in 1777 often went as Patrick Henry Jr. The Great Awakening reached Virginia when young Henry was a child." I'm unclear why these sentences are in the same paragraph. They have very different topics.
"Tarquin" links to disambig page
", second in fame only to "Give me liberty, or give me death!" Did Kidd say that, because it sounds like an unfounded opinion.

Yes, he says "second-most famous utterance that history has ascribed to Patrick Henry".--Wehwalt (talk) 13:07, 23 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"The Burgesses passed those five resolutions; two others which denied the right of any other body but the General Assembly to tax Virginians, and which branded anyone who stated that Parliament had that right an enemy of the colony, were not passed." This is almost a paragraph after the first mention of the five resolutions, why not include them above?
" of the old guard were instead voted out." what is the old guard?
"Independence and first time as governor" You link to Edmund Randolph twice in two paragraphs.
"He had reason to rue the office's lack of power as on June 29 the convention by 60 votes to 45 for Thomas Nelson Jr., elected him as Virginia's first post-independence governor." This sentence could use some commas, semicolons, and being broken up.
" but the election of Virginia's most popular politician " Wait, hang on, who says he is more popular than Washington, Jefferson, or Madison?

In 1776, he was, almost certainly. I'll adjust.--Wehwalt (talk) 13:04, 23 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

That's all from me. Looks very good. Eddie891 ^Talk _Work 12:35, 23 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. I'll work on these later today.--Wehwalt (talk) 13:04, 23 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I've done then now. Thank you for your sharp eyes.--Wehwalt (talk) 22:43, 23 September 2017 (UTC)[reply]