Wikipedia:Peer review/Project MKUltra/archive1

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Project MKUltra[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've worked substantially on it and it was formerly listed as a Featured Article. I'd like to at least see it get GA status. The subject matter is incredibly fascinating, and I'd like to get the knowledge out there, and making the article as good as it can possibly be is one way of achieving that. Farrtj (talk) 00:49, 26 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments

  • "behavioural" is BritEng, if I'm not mistaken this article is probably written in USEng. Done
  • "Veterans Administration Hospital " is a dab link. Done
  • I would normally suggest using acronyms in their expanded form the first time round, like "Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)". Done
  • "other chemicals, hypnosis,[6] sensory deprivation, isolation, verbal and sexual abuse, as well as various forms of torture." odd referencing methodology here... Done
  • "for Operation Paperclip. Operation Paperclip was" for elegant prose, I would try to avoid this quick repetition. Done
  • Since you mention "Project BLUEBIRD " why isn't it at least redlinked? Done
  • MKUltra section, lots and lots of very short paragraphs, could use some merging to improve the look and flow. Done
  • "A very descriptive member of the CIA claims " Do you need "very descriptive"? Done
  • It's possibly a personal taste thing (well, almost certainly it is) but I'm not keen on the mass of text under "Goals" which I assume is a copy-and-paste. Isn't there an elegant way of summarising all that?
Ah, I think the numbered points is clearer, personally. Farrtj (talk) 15:23, 2 July 2012 (UTC)
  • "Could the CIA make spies out of tripping Russians—or vice versa?[31]" if this is a quote, put it in quotes. If not, it's not particularly encyclopedic language. Done
  • Link World War II the first time its used, not on a subsequent occasion. Done
  • "a point was reached where outsiders were zapped " don't know what that means. Done
  • "committed suicide or was murdered [35]" missing full stop and I think it would make a difference if he was murdered or if he committed suicide, wouldn't it? Done
  • "heroin, morphine, MDMA, mescaline, psilocybin, scopolamine, marijuana, alcohol, sodium pentothal,[39] and ergine (in Subproject 22)." again, odd referencing (i.e. pick one thing in a list of things and reference just that thing...) Done
  • No real need to link "Canada" (we tend to avoid linking major geographical entities. Done
  • Portrait images should have thumb|upright applied so they are the same size. Done
  • Isn't the fifth estate always branded in lower case? Done
  • "—[50]" why not just put the ref after the colon introducing the quote? Done
  • " United States v. Stanley" aren't court cases usually in italics (as you have for Feres v. United States earlier in the section). Done
  • Don't think you need to link prison, hospital, college, university... Done
  • Don't put items in the See also section that are already used and linked in the main article (e.g. Gottlieb). Done

The Rambling Man (talk) 08:15, 2 July 2012 (UTC)