Wikipedia:Peer review/S.L. Benfica/archive1
| Toolbox |
|---|
 | This peer review discussion has been closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because a user suggested it.
TODO: Check prose, tone and grammar; remove American English; remove paragraphs with one or two lines if necessary.
Thanks, SLBedit (talk) 18:51, 11 October 2015 (UTC)
Comments by Parutakupiu
[edit]Per Threeohsix's request, I looked at the article and got the following impressions from a rather quick analysis:
- Overall, there are many paragraphs made up of very few sentences, sometimes even single-sentence ones. In my opinion, this makes the prose look poor and disorganized. My advice would be to try to join them with surrounding text, provided that they are contextually related.
- In "History", I would try to merge the second and third sections, which are very small in comparison with the others.
- Too many sentences start with temporal references ("In the 19XX–XX season..." or "In 19XX–XX..."), making the History section look like a mere chronological list of events. Minimize this occurrence by playing with sentence construction and vocabulary.
- I see no need to have a sub-section for the evolution of the club's crest. I'd remove the heading and just integrate its content into the rest of the main "Crest and colours" section.
- The stadium image is too wide for its current placing. Move it to the bottom of the text and use {{wide image}} to display it as a large-sized panorama.
I'll try to make a more careful run-through and bring you more detailed comments. Parutakupiu (talk) 00:11, 31 October 2015 (UTC)
- @Parutakupiu: Thanks for the feedback. I agree, small paragraphs are a problem and some sections need expansion and others trimming. A more careful run-through would help, since I don't see this gathering more users.--Threeohsix (talk) 12:44, 31 October 2015 (UTC)