Wikipedia:Peer review/Shigeru Miyamoto/archive1

Shigeru Miyamoto

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I didn not get any helpful response when my first peer review was written for this aritcle. I wish to know how close the article is to being a good article candidate or if it can be a good article candidate. Magiciandude (talk) 13:35, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Magiciandude (talk) 13:35, 29 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The last paragraph of the lead is rather short and could be grouped with one of the other paragraphs. This goes for some of the paragraphs in the Nintendo section.
For the Competition with Sony and Microsoft section, past tense should be used. "6 months" should be "six months".
The Awards and recognition section has the structure of a list and should either be presented as a list or combined into larger paragraphs.
Current activities section: do not use contractions, references after punctuation. --13 of Diamonds (talk) 09:38, 1 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review from Jappalang (talk · contribs)

Per WP:LEAD, the lead should be a summary of the main article's content. Content mentioned in the lead should be verifiable through the references supplied in the main text. Therefore, why are the following mentioned in the lead but not in the main article?
- his mention as the "father of modern video gaming"
- the concept of the games he designed
Please condense all one, two sentence paragraphs into larger paragraphs with ideas that smoothly flow into one another. This is a piece of good advice to be taken from WP:PROSELINE. The chief culprit is the Awards and recognition subsection, but such issues are also in other (sub-)sections.
Per WP:MOS,
- References should be after punctuations, and there should not be spaces in-between.
- Do not use contractions such as "doesn't".
- Use en- or em-dashes, not hyphens.
- Abbreviations (NoA, U.S.) should be noted besides the full name on its first usage. Abbreviations should only be used if it is used several times in the article.
- No periods are to be used for sentence fragments in captions (including in the infobox).
- "most of which are still active." Use precise language and avoid stating information as current events; what might be active now may not be active a few years later.
I doubt the entire Nintendo sub-section is sourced from a two page E3 report. Several points in Awards and recognition are also unsourced.
I think "Delays" is a bad section title for the content concerned. "Miyamoto Test" would prove more interesting and specific to the content.
Ensure your references are consistent in formatting. #5, #12, and #19 are references that need work.
Consider dropping the MobyGames and N-sider external links if most of their contents are already in the Wikipedia article.

Following these, a good copyedit should boost the quality of the article greatly. Jappalang (talk) 08:29, 10 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]