Wikipedia:Peer review/Starvin' Marvin (South Park)/archive1

Starvin' Marvin (South Park)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review in response to a fail FAC nomination which indicated several flaws in the prose and grammar. I've fixed the specific problems pointed out, as well as a few others during a copy edit, but any more help before I nominate it again would be very welcome.

Thanks, — Hunter Kahn _(c) 05:05, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Review from Resident Mario

Lead

• Meanwhile, genetically engineered turkeys attack South Park residents while Chef rallies the residents to fight back, in a parody of the film Braveheart. The current form of the sentance is very cluttery. As this seems to a be a sidestory, I would write In an accomplying subplot, genetically engineered turkeys attack South Park residents and Chef rallies the residents to fight back, in a parody of the film Braveheart.
• during its original broadcast, which was then... --> which at the time

Plot

• send money to Sally Struthers' charity organization What is the name of the organization?
• sports watch should be linked.
• To me, who believes him to be crazy is a bit redundant. You already described him as a "mad scientist."
• where Sally Struthers is hording and eating all the food meant for charity. --> where Sally Struthers is hording all the food meant for charity.
• A fight breaks out, and eventually the Ethiopians take control of the food supply. What happened during the fight?

Production

• Good

Themes

• rampage of the turkeys provides an additional provided.

Cultural impact and references

• In addition to the Starvin' Marvin character, "Starvin' Marvin" included the first appearances of regular characters Kyle's father Gerald Broflovski, as well as Stuart, Carol and Kevin McCormick, the mother, father and brother (respectively) of Kenny, who were portrayed as incredibly poor and unhygienic.

Better:

In addition to Starvin' Marvin, the episode included the first appearances of several regular characters: Kyle's father Gerald Broflovski, as well as Stuart, Carol, and Kevin McCormick, mother, father and brother (respectively) of Kenny, who were portrayed as incredibly poor and unhygienic.

The part at the end about his personal hygine seems latched-on. Should be removed.

• Actress Sally Struthers should have a "," at the end - Actress Sally Struthers,

Reception

• Looks good.

You may want to consider reviewing an article in the peer review backlog, which is how I found this article. Actually, I have a favor to ask. A Peer review of mine, Kohala (mountain), is also backlogged. Could go over that? ResMar 20:48, 19 June 2009 (UTC)