Wikipedia:Peer review/Sydney (2nd review)/archive1

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Sydney[edit]

It's about time this article had another peer review - it's almost up to FA status, and it would be good to determine what is needed so it can become a Featured Article. (JROBBO 09:27, 3 October 2006 (UTC))[reply]

Every {{fact}}tag needs to be replaced with an inline citation of a reliable source. This is a make-or-break issue for FACs. --Fsotrain09 00:22, 4 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Some comments:

  • I fixed most of your ref tags, but I may have missed some.
  • I've added fact tags for text that should be cited: some of them are to specific facts; others are at the end of paragraphs where one cite might cover the entire paragraph.
  • The very first text the reader encounters contains weasle words: "It has been speculated that the Sydney region ..." Eliminate weasle words: who speculates this?
  • Ibid isn't effective in Wikipedia, because if you stop monitoring the article and someone else inserts text in between your original note and the ibid, the ibid could become invalid. You can handle ibids thusly:
    • Kohen, J. L. 2000. First and last people: Aboriginal Sydney. In J. Connell (Ed.). Sydney the emergence of a global city. pp 76-95. Oxford University Press ISBN 0-19-550748-7, pp 76-78
    • Kohen, J. L. 2000, pp 81-82
  • I don't know if this is common, but for someone who speaks Spanish, it's very awkward to see "the" followed by "the". Is it common to say the followed by el when describing the weather phenomenon? "the El Niño Southern Oscillation plays an important role in determining Sydney's weather patterns:"
    • It is fairly common. JPD (talk) 09:42, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thanks: weird :-) Sandy 14:32, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Some of the references are URL links: please expand all refs to a consistent bibliographic style.
  • Please eliminate the external jump to an external website at Current Sydney Weather in the section Climate: external jumps should be external links.
    • While I'm not keen on this particular link, I have to disagree in general. It is often appropriate to have external links in tables and infoboxes. JPD (talk) 09:42, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Economy has choppy, short, one-sentence paragraphs, and needs to be expanded and smoothed out.
  • Be sure to check your text for redundancy before coming to FAC: you can find several good sets of tips at the bottom of the page, WP:WIAFA. "The extensive area covered by urban Sydney ... "
  • Weasle words: The City of Sydney itself covers a fairly small area comprising the central business district and its neighbouring inner-city suburbs.
    • There's no weasel words there. Are you objecting to relative "fairly small"? JPD (talk) 09:42, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
      • Yes, maybe I should have said redundancy: what does "fairly" add? Sandy 14:32, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • In an encyclopedia, it's not good to tell readers what they should note: "In addition, there are a number of regional descriptions which are used informally to conveniently describe large sections of the urban area, although However it should be noted that there are many suburbs which are not conveniently covered by any of the following informal regional categories. The regions are:
  • How are "early days" defined? "Although the CBD dominated the city's business and cultural life in the early days, ..."
  • The first sentence here left me dumbstruck, until I encountered the second sentence. Combining the sentences might help. "Today there is no overall governing body for the Sydney metropolitan area. Local affairs for the metropolitan area are run by bodies known as local government areas (LGAs)." Today there is no overall governing body for the Sydney metropolitan area; instead, local affairs for the metropolitan area are run by bodies known as local government areas (LGAs).
    • I don't like instead. It seems to imply that the LGAs replaced the County Council, when they actually coexisted. JPD (talk) 09:46, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
      • I didn't mean to suggest specific wording; just show a problem to be addressed however you can best do so. Sandy 14:32, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've already tried to fix it - what do you make of it now? JPD (talk) 11:30, 6 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Redundancy: "These areas all have elected councils and are responsible for a range of functions delegated to them by the New South Wales State Government."
  • Vague, better to provide a number and an inline citation to validate the number: "Because a large proportion of New South Wales' population lives in Sydney,"

I stopped after Economy: you're well on the way here, but this should give you an idea of the work needed to prepare for FAC. Sandy 23:19, 4 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The next two sections are probably the ones that need the most work. Demographics is a mess, and Education could do with expanding. JPD (talk) 09:42, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Did you want me to keep going? Sandy 14:32, 5 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I won't complain if you do, but it probably isn't necessary. Education is simply a bit short, and the problem in Demographics is fairly obvious: the mainly unsourced list of "associations" between ethnic groups and suburbs, which could do with being replaced with sourced info on regional demographic variations in general. JPD (talk) 11:30, 6 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think your images are becoming a bit over-crowded in places. And the three large panoramic ones at the bottom are practically of the same thing from three different angles.--Konst.able 12:26, 7 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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