Wikipedia:Peer review/Tom Wills/archive1

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Tom Wills[edit]

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This article was successfully nominated GA two years ago, and has undergone significant improvements since then. I think it's close to reaching FA quality, and would like some feedback and suggestions on how to get there. I'm also open to collaboration. For those who don't know, Tom Wills was Australia's first celebrity sportsman, and is marked high-importance by both the cricket and Australian rules football WikiProjects. His life off the sports field is also fascinating and unique in the history of world sport.

Thanks, HappyWaldo (talk) 06:18, 3 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@HappyWaldo: G'day, I'm sorry that this article hasn't had a review yet. I believe that the issue stems from the PR bot being down, and not transcluding the review on the main PR page. I have manually done this now, so it now appears. I have also posted notifications at the Cricket, Biography and Australian Wikiproject talk pages to hopefully generate some comments. These sorts of articles aren't my forte, but I will also try to post some comments today. Thanks for your efforts. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 04:23, 5 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from AustralianRupert: sorry, only really minor comments from me: AustralianRupert (talk) 04:34, 5 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • at five paragraphs, the lead is one paragraph too long per WP:LEAD, I suggest trying to merge one somehow
  • Does the first sentence really count as a paragraph? I suppose I could merge it, but imo looks better as is. - HappyWaldo (talk) 12:19, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • there are a couple of harvn referencing errors being identified by this script: User:Ucucha/HarvErrors.js. These relate to the citations for "Hay 2008", "De Moore 2011", "HibbinsRuddell", and "Pennings2011"
  • probably best to attribute this in text: "Contrary to legend, Wills was never housed in a lunatic asylum" --> "According to de Moore, contrary to legend, Wills was never housed in a lunatic asylum"
  • Perhaps this is better: "Contrary to legend, there is no evidence of Wills being housed in a lunatic asylum". - HappyWaldo (talk) 12:19, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would attribute the quote "perhaps even madness" explicitly, especially since it seems a little speculative (perhaps?)
  • Several historians have made the same assessment: that Horatio sometimes comes off as unhinged in his diary. Does this piece of speculation require in text attribution when it is quite popular? Also thanks for the help. - HappyWaldo (talk) 12:19, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
From Shudde

Only drive-by at the moment. You have a number of Harv errors with the referencing (see User:Ucucha/HarvErrors for the script I'm using). Hopefully I'll have time to read the article properly and provide some more feedback in the next week or so. -- Shudde talk 14:21, 7 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • The statement "During his tenure as the newspaper's editor, Horatio met Elizabeth, an orphan from Parramatta." is a little jarring because up until then Horatio had only been mentioned as an infant. Maybe have a lead into this, such as "Horatio lacked much formal education, but was apprenticed to his step-brother Robert Howe,[1]. After taking over as the newspaper's editor, Horatio met Elizabeth, an orphan from Parramatta."
  • Why is the information in note D not just included in the main text. "Deadly conflict" is a little vague, and I don't know why the elaboration of this is in a note when so many other details are included in the main text. The main reason I ask this is because of the "Cullin-la-ringo massacre" section -- having a bit more on his father's relationship with Aborigines included in the main text makes sense.
  • I could integrate the note into main text. I think I created it because I did not want the family section to be mostly about Horatio. This is an article about Tom after all. So I tried to keep things concise. - HappyWaldo (talk) 12:19, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would have a note after "Rugby School XI" simply because non-cricketers will have no idea that's the nomenclature used to refer to a school's cricket team.
  • I would include a brief explainer of what is meant by a thrower, and why this is such a big deal -- especially as the term "scandal" is used very soon after, and also because understanding this is so important to also understanding the later section "No-ball plot and downfall".
  • "He won fame for his performances and played with the leading cricketers of the age, as well as royalty." -- this is quite a statement, can it be expanded upon?
  • Sure. Tom is mentioned as playing alongisde royalty in the libertine cricketer section. - HappyWaldo (talk) 12:19, 9 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • " most notably when rules were passed over to allow him to compete against Oxford" -- this isn't quite clear to me, although I can infer what it means. Maybe clarify.
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