Wikipedia:Peer review/Virender Sehwag/archive1

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Virender Sehwag[edit]

I did notice that there are two FAs on cricketers, but one was about a schoolboy cricketer and the other was a very historical cricketer, so I was wondering what kind of style was the best for a modern cricketers (with ODIs and whatnot). Also I should really do up the references etc properly, but I was mostly looking for suggestions about the style of the article. I do tend to be rather dry, trying to avoid anything which isn't statistically bulletproof, so I was wondering in particular whether I should permit myself a bit more of a newspapery/magazine style flourish - in particular to comments about Sehwag's playing style. I am a matehmatically oriented person and am always terrified of making any remotely vague comments in this sort of thing. Blnguyen | BLabberiNg 04:02, 15 September 2006 (UTC)

  • I do think you need to "zoom out" a little bit - I think you've hit the nail pretty much on the head, it is rather dry and filled with stats, and there's little connection between each sentence, it's just result after result. Sam Vimes | Address me 10:11, 16 September 2006 (UTC)
  • "Sehwag made his international debut in the one-day arena, in a match against Pakistan in Mohali in April 2001, batting in the No. position. He made 1 [10], and did not play again until late 2000, in the home series against Zimbabwe [11]", did he travel back in time to play his second game? And where did he bat in his first game? Lankiveil 00:25, 17 September 2006 (UTC).
  • Sam Vimes is right. The article is a bit dry, and sounds like a fact book. More info on the cricketer's life outside of cricket would help. Many Indian cricketers are involved in the Mumbai "scene" or are part of charitable orgs, you may want to look into that.Bakaman Bakatalk 01:58, 18 September 2006 (UTC)
  • A biography by Vijay Lokappally came out last year. Taking a look may help to add more flesh to the article. (Not sure if it is worth buying, though). Re. too many numbers, pushing some statistics into the notes section sometime helps to make the main text more readable. Tintin (talk) 05:28, 18 September 2006 (UTC)
  • Is Running out a batsman in the 50th over of the first innings notable enough to be added to the biography. I understand that it may be important when a batsman is run out in the second innings (with 3 runs to win) or (in the first innings) if a well set batsman is run out in the 35th or 40th over triggering a minor collapse or slow runrate. Running out in the 50th over of first innings in the present context may not be notable. Any comments please Doctor BrunoTalk 14:13, 18 September 2006 (UTC)
  • A number of points:
    1. If you're going to go for featured article status you will need a photo and you will need to expand the introduction to at least two paragraphs. *#Early years: Joint family will need explaining in the article.
    2. People only "hail" from somewhere in journalese. In normal English you come from somewhere.
    3. The order in which points are raised is not the natural one - which is chronological. You're born first. Then describe the parents and what they do. Conditions in which someone is brought up in early childhood. Then schooling, etc.
    4. Use "Under-19" not "U-19".
    5. "He was seventh in the 2000-01 season with two centuries" - what does that mean?
    6. "Leicestershire" not "Leicester"
    7. ODI career: what position did he bat in?
    8. I agree with the comment about this reading like a list of stats. It would be better to refer to fewer matches and to expand on the key moments of his career. Merging this with the "Test career" section so that his whole career can be considered chronologically would be better.
    9. Test career: "The 2004 home Border Gavaskar Trophy" - ???? what does this mean?
    10. He "earned" selection. Not "earnt".
    11. Playing style: Leave out Tendulkar's middle name.
    12. Outside cricket: Again, this reads like a series of one-off facts rather than as a coherent whole. Maybe expand the language so that one bit of info segues into the next, jguk 17:39, 18 September 2006 (UTC)
A few points which you may or may not take into account.
  1. Add wikilinks when we're talking about common cricket phrases that may not be known to the rest of the world (eg. What would Americans think of part-time off-spin bowler?).
  2. Do we really need all that stuff on his tooth getting broken and him not being academically gifted etc.
  3. Sometimes, the significance of achievements need to be explained, again, for a non-cricketing audience (eg. During the 2006 West Indies tour, Sehwag narrowly missed out on scoring a century in the opening session of the Second Test in St Lucia, ending with 99 at the interval, a Mexican wouldn't know that its rare to score such a century).
  4. References need major fixing, but that's pretty obvious, some of them don't even link.
  5. Information on his inconsistency and his recent lack of form (if you can find a good source which analyses this).
  6. Like mentioned above, a few too many numbers.
Good luck. Nobleeagle (Talk) 01:16, 22 September 2006 (UTC)
  • After reading the article i feel it can be greatly improved if, instead putting links to his career stats in the references section, the statistics are directly put on to the article page and references removed.I feel that will make the article more informative without the reader having to go to external links.What do you feel? Doctor Evil 17:20, 26 September 2006 (UTC)

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You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Ruhrfisch 14:23, 13 October 2006 (UTC)

  • P.S. The footnotes can be found here for now. Ruhrfisch 14:55, 13 October 2006 (UTC)
    • ^ See footnote
    • ^ See footnote