Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal

Article has been worked over over several months and has been put forward for GA status. It would be good to know what else could be done to make it any better than we have already done, possibly for an FA nom in the future. Dev920 16:08, 24 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

RelHistBuff

As you have put this forward for GA status, I would like to make some quick comments from my experience with the GA process in order to expedite getting the article to be passed.

The lead section should conform to WP:LEAD so it may need to be expanded with a better summary that can stand alone by itself.
A photo of the Jake Gyllenhaal will most likely be requested. From a biography standpoint, it is also desirable.
There are too many one-sentence paragraphs. They should either be expanded with more information or merged together if possible.

Those are my comments based on this first scan. I hope this helps and good luck on getting GA status. RelHistBuff 16:38, 24 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I have sourced a Fair Use photo from Jake's website and have emailed the largest Jake fansite to ask if they will release one of theirs into the public domain. I have expanded the lead section to include his career and sex symbolism; I will also add a section on his political activism and add that to the lead section as well.

I will see what I can do about the one sentence paragraphs, but some of them are long enough to stand on their own I think, and some don't really fit with anything else. Dev920 17:48, 24 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Yannismarou

Nice article. But I'm not sure it'll get the GA status. A few remarks:

Citations go after punctuation. You are not consistent.
I agree that too many one-sentence paragraphs is a problem for many users. You or I may not agree, but you'll face such criticisms.
You talk about his political activism, but you've put these remarks in the "Personal Life" section. I'm not sure the currect structure is OK. A reorganization of the material in this section seems to me necessary. Maybe the creation of a section "Political Activism" is necesssary.
You only citate sites. A better variety of sources (magazines maybe) is recommended.--Yannismarou 19:16, 25 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I will certainly deal with the issues you have raised. However, if you review the links, you will notice that the majority of them are links to a large number of interview with newspapers and magazines; is this OK? Dev920 19:45, 25 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I have moved all citations to after the nearest full stop. I have created a section entitled "Politics and Society" and moved all details of his activism there. I have merged or expanded every one-sentence paragraph I could find, with the exception of the one in the lead section which I feel it perfectly succinct; I have added references to support the new information (much of which is magazine interviews).

Is this OK?Dev920 23:39, 25 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I think it is much better. Let's see if there are going to be any futher suggestions during the GA Candidacy.--Yannismarou 14:45, 26 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Plange

Good article! Just found a couple of things:

A double possessive which makes the sentence a little awkward: "Billy Crystal's character's son" - I'd try to rearrange the sentence to avoid this.
Do you have a source for this paragraph? "Jake expressed some mixed feelings about the experience of being directed by Ang Lee on Brokeback Mountain, but overall has had more praise than criticism for his directing style. While he has had complaints about the way in which Lee tends to disconnect with his actors once filming has begun, he has also had much praise for other aspects of his filmmaking style, especially the in-depth preparations that Lee makes with the actors before filming begins, and the sensitivity with which he approaches the material in the film. At the Director's Guild of America awards on January 28, 2006, Jake also praised Lee for "his humbleness and his respect for everyone around him." --- definitely needs one since it's attributing a criticism of Ang Lee to Jake...
There's an incomplete sentence here: "Jake's current project in the upcoming movie "Zodiac", in which Jake plays a detective on the track of the notorious Zodiac killer" -- perhaps "in" is a typo for "is" in the first part of the sentence? Also, is there a wiki article on the Zodiac killer? I've never heard of this killer, so not sure how notorius, but for the ignorant like myself, it would be good to give some context here....
grammar problem here: "year on having tree planted in a Mozambique forest" is it "a tree" or "trees"?
Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (biographies) you should change subsequent mentions of Jake to his last name only.
"visited USC with his sister to encourage the students to vote" -- USC should be spelled out per WP:MOS, plus the link is going to a disambiguation page so reader still doesn't know which place is meant.
Per WP:CONTEXT you should avoid wikilinking subsequent mentions of the same instance (Brokeback Mountain, once wikilinked, does not need to be wikilinked again for the rest of the article, etc)

Hope this helps! plange 00:21, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

All your points raised seem to have been dealt with by stevenscollege. Do you have anymore? Dev920 22:08, 9 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]