Wikipedia:Peer review/GoldenEye/archive4

GoldenEye

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good article

Thanks, Ultra! 17:49, 18 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment 1

Ruhrfisch comments: Overall well done - most of my comments will be fairly nit-picky. Here are some ideas for improvement:

Biggest problem between this and FA right now is the references section. There are red-linked dates (ref 83), broken links (ref 85), totally insufficient information (ref 84 is just "nytimes") or just external links (97 and 98). It looks like they get worse towards the end - the early refs look good, so follow their formatting, etc. See WP:CITE
I would also make sure all of the refs are reliable sources - not so sure about commanderbond.net. or perhaps moddb.com - see WP:RS
~~Lead does not mention some of the sections - Music, Other media for example - see WP:LEAD~~
I would spell out BAFTA the first it is used, followed by (BAFTA)
- I don't see that as necessary --Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 14:53, 15 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
This is awkward Meanwhile on the surface, while solacing each other...
~~Perhaps he fakes his death at Arkangel and then establishes [the] Janus [crime syndicate] in the following nine years is clearer?~~
Provide context to the reader - not everyone knows who Q is: Desmond Llewelyn as Q: Llewelyn was the only actor to reprise a role from a previous Bond film. and perhaps The [Russian] Defense Minister...
I always like actual figures - The preceding Bond film, Licence to Kill, had underperformed at the American box office.[7] Could the box office gross be given and some comparison to previous grosses?
Again, WP:PCR make clearer what EON is in Danjaq, the Swiss based parent company of EON...
- EON Productions is wikified later
~~Perhaps "passed" would be better than "was not met" in However, the deadline was not met, and in April 1994, Dalton officially resigned...?~~
~~Identify Remington Steele as a TV show~~
Perhaps combine these sentences: In his stead, Barbara and Michael G. Wilson took the lead roles in production~~. The producers then~~[, and] chose New Zealander Martin Campbell as the director.
Awkward and during one take of the sliding both cars collided
~~I would say who voted this was voted the best movie stunt of all time as of 2002 [by Breaking News??] The ref is broken, by the way~~
awkward which Martin Campbell acknowledged to the deal with BMW coming in the last stages of production

You get the idea - check all the refs - there is now a tool to d this for internet links, see any article at WP:FAC and get someone else to read this for wonky sentences (or read it aloud yourself, or both). Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 15:18, 23 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment 2

I must agree that on the whole it's very well done. You might also want to have a look at this, which includes an extensive list of contemporary reference material which might be worth tracking down. Some other points:

The first part of the production section probably should have its own section, entitled Development. You may also want to have a pre-production section to discuss the preparation work done with the studios and the art department. Also, if further detail is available regarding the casting, there might be a section for this as well.
The cast section descriptions also seem a bit uneven - I wish I could put my finger on what, but I strongly feel they need some work.
There's been a lot of discussion at WP Films lately about discussing awards in film article leads, and the consensus at the moment seems to be against it, so it may be advisable to drop that and leave it in the Reception section (which scarcely says anything additional about the matter anyway).
"but Bond steals an airplane and escapes the exploding facility" - escapes from
"and escape with traitor programmer Boris" - traitorous
"Janus, who reveals himself as Trevelyan" - is Janus supposed to be the name of a person or the criminal organization? The article doesn't make this clear, so I had assumed that Janus was an organization.
- In the movie it is unknown until Trevelyan reveals himself.--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 16:40, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Since Licence to Kill, the world" - Since the release of

Keep up the good work!Girolamo Savonarola (talk) 02:23, 27 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment 3

Review comments by Bzuk

Use words for numbers zero to nine and numerals thereafter, e.g. seventeenth is written 17th.
- Per MoS ordinal numbers should be spelled out. —97198 talk 08:42, 3 May 2008 (UTC)[reply]
~~The phrase, "his contract with Remington Steele" could be better expressed as "his contract to star in the Remington Steele series."~~
Use an active voice, instead of "GoldenEye was produced by Albert R. Broccoli's EON Productions." write "Albert R. Broccoli's EON Productions produced GoldenEye.
- I think it's better the older way.--Diaa abdelmoneim (talk) 16:28, 16 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]
~~"Revivification" – use "transformation" or "revitalization."~~
"The film's casino scenes were shot in Monte Carlo, as was the Tiger helicopter's demonstration." Consider: "The film's casino scenes and the Tiger helicopter's demonstration were shot in Monte Carlo."
"Reference footage?" Do you mean "B-roll?", "atmospheric shots" "Background visuals?"
"The producers gained the assistance of the French Navy, which provided full use of the frigate FS La Fayette and the navy's newest helicopter, the Eurocopter Tiger." Try: "The French Navy provided full use of the frigate FS La Fayette and the navy's newest helicopter, the Eurocopter Tiger, to the production."
"The train comprised a British Rail Class 20 diesel-electric locomotive and a pair of BR Mk 2 coaches. All three were heavily disguised to resemble a Soviet armoured train." Suggestion: "The train comprised a British Rail Class 20 diesel-electric locomotive and a pair of BR Mk 2 coaches; all three heavily disguised to resemble a Soviet armoured train."
"The climatic scenes in the satellite dish were done with scenes in Arecibo, a model built by Meddings' team and scenes shot with stuntmen in England." Try: "The climatic scenes in the satellite dish used scenes in Arecibo, a model built by Meddings' team and scenes shot with stuntmen in England."
"The car chase between the Aston Martin DB5 and the Ferrari F355 had to be meticulously planned as the cars are vastly different, described by car stunt coordinator Rémy Julienne as "a perfectly shaped, old and vulnerable vehicle and a racecar". Nails had to be put on the F355 tires to make it skid, and during one take of the sliding both cars collided." Version: "Stunt car coordinator Rémy Julienne described the car chase between the Aston Martin DB5 and the Ferrari F355 as between "a perfectly shaped, old and vulnerable vehicle and a racecar." The stunt had to be meticulously planned as the cars are vastly different. Nails had to be attached to the F355 tires to make it skid, and during one take of the sliding vehicles, both cars collided."
"The tank chase scene was performed with the use of a Russian T-55 tank from a British military rental firm and modified with the addition of fake explosive reactive armor panels (chronologically appropriate to a modern upgraded T-55 equipping the Russian Army Reserve of the period, such as the T-55M5). New take: "A Russian T-55 tank from a British military rental firm, modified with the addition of fake explosive reactive armor panels (chronologically appropriate to a modern upgraded T-55 equipping the Russian Army Reserve of the period, such as the T-55M5) was used in the tank chase scene." Although it is still too wordy, and you might consider two sentences here.
The popular culture section is way too large.
There has to be some authoritative text sources for Bond films and it would be useful to have references from these sources instead of only electronic sources.

FWiW Bzuk (talk) 01:09, 30 April 2008 (UTC).[reply]