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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/A Journey/archive2

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Resolved comments from Crisco 1492

[edit]
Others look fine. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:00, 21 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Dublin is not in Britain, but Irish FOP laws are the same as in the UK. Graham Colm (talk) 07:04, 21 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Prose comments
  • No publication date in the lede?
    • Done
  • "like and admire" - Don't think we need quotation marks, but if we keep them this should be cited (direct quotes should always be cited at the end of the sentence). The same goes for several other quotations throughout the article.
    • Done
      • For lede, done.
  • It was announced the book would be published by Knopf in the United States and Canada, ... and in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and India, by Random House." - This announcement was after the title change? When, roughly at least?
    • In progress. This information does not appear to be available.
  • "the Arabic television network Al Jazeera" - Al Jazeera English or the Arabic-language Al Jazeera?
  • "which aired an hour-long interview with Andrew Marr" - Perhaps some contextual information on why Mr Marr is relevant to the topic at hand.
    • Done
  • "He was in Washington, D. C. on the day of the launch to participate in peace talks with Middle East leaders " - Day of the UK launch?
    • Done
  • "Since the book had been selling well, he expressed doubts over whether a forthcoming book signing in London on 8 September was justifiable or worth the inevitable disruption, given fears that the British National Party and other groups were planning to get involved in the protests." - Perhaps a way to rework this with a semicolon.
    • Done
      • Not done, "given fears that the British National Party and other groups were planning to get involved in the protests." is a clause, not a sentence. This will involve a bit of rephrasing.
        • Rephrased, should work better now.
          • Yep, much more parseable.
  • The synopsis, which should be higher up per the guidelines for books, seems disjointed and has too many (long, generally) quotes. The synopsis itself seems too long.
    • Done. Length and quotes done. Section now appears after History.
  • "Some problems in Iraq still require a "resolution" and will fester if left unattended." - According to Blair?
    • Done
  • Reception: Shouldn't "in U.K." and "in U.S." be "in the U.K." and "in the U.S."
    • Done
  • Weight concern: Why does most every review get two to three sentences yet the Daily Mail review only have a single tiny sentence.
    • I think because it was the only real opinion expressed in that particular article. I'm personally happy to remove it if you feel that is appropriate.
  • politics.co.uk - What makes their concerns noteworthy, or the source reliable?
    • Removed
  • (it is generally accepted that a Prime Minister does not discuss details of conversations he has with the Sovereign) - This should probably be a footnote, perhaps using {{efn}}
    • Done
  • Secretary of State for Children Schools and Families - Doesn't this need some commas?
    • Done
  • "Writing in The Guardian, Alistair Darling, who was Chancellor under Gordon Brown's government" - "Writing in The Guardian, Alistair Darling, who was Chancellor under Gordon Brown", perhaps?
    • Done
  • MP should be written in full on its first occurrence.
    • Done
  • The release date should be in the article, not just in the infobox.
    • Done
      • Not done. Nowhere in the history section (remember, a lede just summarises the article)
        • Release date is now mentioned in the history section.
Leaning oppose - I have concerns about the number and length of these quotes, in part to undue weight and in part because of copyright concerns. The synopsis in particular is rather flabby and could be trimmed a bit (for example, do we really need to know that Blair made hot, passionate love to his wife before coming up for election? Doubt the lovemaking was a whole chapter or even a significant bit in a chapter, so that's quite undue). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:07, 22 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

All but one issue now addressed. Need to do more digging on the Knopf stuff. Blair's website mentions in March 2010 that Knopf will publish the book, but I don't have a date on the US name change. Paul MacDermott (talk) 18:15, 22 May 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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