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Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Jesse L. Brown/archive1

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Addressed comments from Crisco 1492

[edit]
General
Lede
  • "In spite of encountering deep-seated institutionalized racism, ..." is there a semantic difference between "deep-seated" and "institutionalized" racism?
    • There is, but I don't mind shortening this. - Dank (push to talk)
  • "... flew 20 combat missions before his F4U Corsair aircraft was shot down on a remote mountaintop ..." -- Surely his plane was shot down over the mountaintop. If he was on it at the time, he wouldn't have been shot down.
    • Stet. It's a common phrase meaning that's where his plane landed; "he was shot down and crashed into a remote mountaintop" is unnecessarily wordy when there's a handy shorthand. - Dank (push to talk)
  • "... inspirational successes..." -- Inspirational according to?
Education
Military career
Korean war
Death
Nice read and I agree that it's inspiring, but we cannot editorialize. Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:38, 7 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]